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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be irrationally upset by DH's vote.

607 replies

brotherhoodofspam · 08/06/2017 17:20

Just found out that DH has voted Tory for the 2nd time now. He's doing it tactically as hates SNP but I'd already pointed out to him this morning that labour came 2nd here last time. I know it's stupid but I feel really upset about this. I always thought we had a similar world view and I hate the thought that he's done the whole cliche of turning from a left wing student into a right wing middle class professional. He's really angry with me now for the way I reacted but I wouldn't be the person be married if I just said. " that's nice dear". Just now I'm feeling pretty disgusted with him though. AIBU?

OP posts:
BertrandRussell · 11/06/2017 18:50

Met- so he should have given in? Why?

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 11/06/2017 18:53

seoulsurvivor

lass you know what sounds arrogant? You dictating what is and isn't an acceptable reason to end a marriage that has nothing to do with you?.

What a hypocrite you are. What I said was
I think it is beyond unreasonable. I think it makes him sound arrogant and fanatical

My personal views- not dictating anything. I do think it is a rather absurd reason to break up a marriage.

Will you go back over the thread and pick out all the posters who are firmly of the view voting Tory is a good enough reason to divorce someone?

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 11/06/2017 19:03

Met- so he should have given in? Why?

If that were the only reason to divorce it seems a very dogmatic and hard line approach to cause upset to his wife and child but I assume there were other difficulties/ intransigence.

You ask why he should have given in but why should she have given in ?

BertrandRussell · 11/06/2017 19:22

"ou ask why he should have given in but why should she have given in ?"

I agree. But why is he the abject cunt and not her?

Roomster101 · 11/06/2017 19:28

YANBU. DH and I often vote differently but I would be really upset if he voted Tory. For me it would suggest that we had totally grown apart with regard to our ideals and views on life. It might just be a slight difference of opinion but certainly not for others.

Roomster101 · 11/06/2017 19:29

It might just be a slight difference of opinion for some but certainly not for others.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 11/06/2017 19:40

Oh well divorce him. Clearly for many it's a heinous crime he can't come back from. Best to cut your losses now.

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 11/06/2017 19:45

I suppose because she presumably was looking at it from the personal view point of what was best for her child whereas he was standing on his principles regardless. "The Dianne Abbot sent her children to a fee paying school dilemma".

Just one point I never said anything like what you have just said - please don't use a quote from me and connect it to that expression.

metspengler · 11/06/2017 19:54

For me it would be a massive difference in opinion. If DH voted Labour I would have trouble looking him in the eye.

...but I would manage to get over it, because respecting a person's political freedom to vote as they wish without personal recriminations is the minimum of respect anyone should get, and someone you love should get more than minimum respect.

Roomster101 · 11/06/2017 21:01

You can respect someone's right to vote as they wish while deciding that you are chasms apart and no longer want to be in a relationship with them though.

BertrandRussell · 11/06/2017 23:02

"Just one point I never said anything like what you have just said - please don't use a quote from me and connect it to that expression."

I apologize- I really wasn't intending to do that. I was conflating two posters. I wasn't intending to connect you with that expression.

GardenGeek · 11/06/2017 23:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

seoulsurvivor · 12/06/2017 01:02

well lass I have been telling other people I don't agree with them.

A hypocrite no less! Goodness me! But it's Labour supporters who are rabid, of course...

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 12/06/2017 01:31

seoulsurvivor

well lass I have been telling other people I don't agree with them

A hypocrite no less! Goodness me! But it's Labour supporters who are rabid, of course...

No idea what you are on about.

My comments were quite clearly only my personal view. Nothing about dictating anything - that was your twist.

I think any one who would divorce a spouse and put his child through his parents splitting up for that reason, if that were the only reason, is fanatical. My opinion - if we never expressed an opinion about anything which didn't directly affect us MN would be about the 10% of what it is now.

seoulsurvivor · 12/06/2017 01:35

Your language is so dialled up. Fanatical. Rabid. Hypocrite.

You really draw those lines in the sand and it makes you come across (to me) as someone who is quite...well...fanatical?

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 12/06/2017 02:08

Seoul. You were the one who brought up Corbyn's divorce. You wrote

I mean, Corbyn divorced his second wife because she wanted to send their kid to a grammar school! No doubt people here would think that's unreasonable too, but stuff like that really matters to some of us

I replied that I thought it was unreasonable. It is very hypocritical to have posed the question and then respond in the way you did, particularly twisting it in the way you did.

I didn't I used the word "rabid" at all. That is your invention.

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 12/06/2017 02:10

I didn't use the word "rabid" at all. That is your invention.

seoulsurvivor · 12/06/2017 02:12

True, that wasn't you, my sincere apologies.

Sorry you think I'm a hypocrite. I think you're a bit hypocritical yourself for complaining about other people taking stuff in a marriage too seriously while you seem to love picking people's posts to little bits, which would suggest you take an internet thread quite seriously indeed.

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 12/06/2017 02:17

What a brilliant non apology.

I think another poster referred you to the words pot, kettle etc. You are imaging stuff I haven't even said which would seem to suggest you are taking an internet thread to the point of being delusional about it.

seoulsurvivor · 12/06/2017 02:35

Delusional, hypocritical...anything else you want to throw at me?

waitforrose · 12/06/2017 02:36

I think it depends to what extent politics plays in your household. Of course, we all accept individual rights to vote, but... as professional middle class people with empathy, my husband and I vote the same because we have children in schools and both work in the NHS. I think our marriage would be over if either of us had voted Tory.

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 12/06/2017 08:44

Delusional, hypocritical...anything else you want to throw at me?

I never said anything about "Labour voters". You made that bit up so don't start complaining if you are called up on your inventions.

seoulsurvivor · 12/06/2017 08:45

Inventions. Complaining.

OK, noted, anything else?

BertrandRussell · 12/06/2017 09:01

" I think our marriage would be over if either of us had voted Tory."

And it wouldn' be about the vote, would it? It would be about the way you see the world and the society we live in.

twattymctwatterson · 12/06/2017 10:20

I don't think I could be in a relationship with someone who agrees with the Tory manifesto so YANBU for feeling the way you do.

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