To be irrationally upset by DH's vote.

[brotherhoodofspam]

Just found out that DH has voted Tory for the 2nd time now. He's doing it tactically as hates SNP but I'd already pointed out to him this morning that labour came 2nd here last time. I know it's stupid but I feel really upset about this. I always thought we had a similar world view and I hate the thought that he's done the whole cliche of turning from a left wing student into a right wing middle class professional. He's really angry with me now for the way I reacted but I wouldn't be the person be married if I just said. " that's nice dear". Just now I'm feeling pretty disgusted with him though. AIBU?

Maybe it'd be better not to say who you voted for to each other. You can't agree on everything.

Votes are ticks against views. Are OP's husbands views no affair of hers either?

They're not her affair at all. OP can choose to react how she wants to the views he holds, but it's not for her to try and change them to her own

He might be angry with you too! You're not any more 'right' than him! Maybe he is cross that you haven't grown up about it all.

YABU. My husband and I have never voted the same and that doesn't bother me, as I think that he's as entitled to his choice as I am.

Yanbu. It represents values that I do not respect, and show little concern for humanity. I would feel the same. I would find it hard to like somebody who held this world view, but my dh would know that.

We all know it is a democracy and that he can vote for who he likes.

It doesn't mean you can't be upset when the person you are married to now has different values than you do.

OP can be as upset as she likes. She doesn't need to grow up. As long as she isn't being an arsehole to him about it then she is entitled to feel how she feels.

Imagine if the OP had said her husband was disgusted with her for voting Labour. He would of been called all sorts of names by now and she would be advised to LTB.

Just vote Labour and cancel his vote out!
While we do have to respect everyone's right to vote as they see fit, I do think it is natural to get upset if the person you married completely changes where they stand politically and supports something you find abhorent.
It's why Brexit voting caused so many domestic arguments.

YABU.

It is nothing to do with anyone how anyone else votes, because the UK is not Nazi Germany.

If you don't want to know, don't ask. It is none of your business after all.

I had a massive fight with an ex about this. I think I ended up shouting something like 'women didn't fling themselves under horses a hundred years ago so that in 1997 I could vote for who my effing boyfriend told me to!'.

Each adult must vote entirely for their own reasons and not to please anyone else.

YABU and a control freak

How is she a control freak? Did she attempt to change the way he voted in any way?

Of course yabu

His an adult and he is entitled to vote however the hell he likes ffs!

Of course he can vote for whoever he likes, that's stating the bloody obvious.

But speaking personally if my dp voted tory he wouldn't be the man I think he is or someone I would want to be with.

Of course he can vote as he pleases, the OP isn't saying he can't. I would be upset if my DH voted for the conservatives as it would mean our outlooks on life were poles apart.

X post with OhDear

YABVU We live in a democracy. He can vote however he wants. You say that you are upset with him, how would you feel if he told you he was upset with you over how you had voted? Just because somebody votes for a party different to you doesn't make them a bad person. Jesus wept.

On paper YABU.

But I'd feel exactly the same in your shoes.

Imagine if the OP had said her husband was disgusted with her for voting Labour. He would of been called all sorts of names by now and she would be advised to LTB.

Nope. I would say exactly what I said here.

The OP has already said it was a tactical vote. It hardly seems a poles apart on world view/values situation

YABU. I trust he wasnt angry over your choice of vote because he actually respects you.

I think you can feel how you wish but to openly have a bit of a temper tantrum is a bit silly.

But on MN the Tories are equivalent to kitten slayers.

Yanbu. Yes, he can choose who to vote for but it's upsetting if your partner has a completely diffetent view to you.

I would be upset too, obviously her DH can vote for what he wants but that would colour my judgement.

Thanks, quite a range of responses. I'm glad some people understand why I'm upset, but appreciate the other responses which are helping me get things in proportion. I'd just like to add that I'm not trying to chance his views to mine, I'm upset that his have changed so much since we got together (over 20 years ago)

It is upsetting, but it is also a sign that they are a free human being.

Nobody owes anyone else their vote and if you feel bad about it that's understandable but unreasonable, so swallow it. It really is as simple as that.