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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not give DH a lie in?

346 replies

Aliveinwanderland · 15/04/2017 06:49

DS is 6 months old and wakes every 3 hours to be fed in the night. DH does a bottle at 9pm then I breastfeed all the other feeds.

On a week day DH is at work so takes DS downstairs for half an hour in a morning while he has his breakfast. He sometimes makes it home for bath and bed, sometimes not.

At a weekend he wants a lie in. I know he works hard but since he gets from 9pm -6am uninterrupted sleep I think he should let me have the lie ins! (By lie in I mean from 6am when DS wakes to around 8/9am).

AIBU to claim all the weekend lie ins myself?

OP posts:
CassandraAusten · 15/04/2017 06:52

Most couples I know split the lie ins, one on Sat and the other on Sun. Is DS your only child, if so can you nap while he's napping?

Original poster
Aliveinwanderland · 15/04/2017 06:53

I am willing to split the lie ins when dS sleeps through! But my theory at the minute is that as I'm doing all the night feeds I deserve the extra few hours in bed on a weekend morning!

OP posts:
ItsNiceItsDifferentItsUnusual · 15/04/2017 06:53

YABU. I know it's shit, but your dh is still getting up early for work every day. Can't you just have one each? And could he maybe take over one weekend night to exclusively bottle feed so you're getting one full night's sleep?

icklekid · 15/04/2017 06:54

Yep I'm afraid we have always done 1 each....

luckylucky24 · 15/04/2017 06:55

Yes I think you are.
Yes he is sleeping through but getting up at 6am and going to work is hard too. And is he really sleeping through? Just because he is not up feeding the baby doesn't mean his sleep isn't disturbed too.
Me and DH take turns having a lie in every morning. Sometimes DD gets up at 5am so we alternate days making sure we each get a decent lie in.

Original poster
Aliveinwanderland · 15/04/2017 06:55

I sometimes nap when he does in the day but often by the time I've made lunch and cleaned the kitchen there isn't time.

OP posts:
pitterpatterrain · 15/04/2017 06:56

I take the lie-ins as such with DD2

If DH was tired he could go to sleep earlier but normally he stays up late watching tv. He get up with DD1, new baby sleeps later

Sunnie1984 · 15/04/2017 06:56

We have always had one lie in each at the weekends.

Can your DH do extra bottlefeeds during the night at a weekend? Then you get a whole night's break?

I often swap out with DH, so once he has had his lie in, I take s nap.

eurochick · 15/04/2017 06:56

We've gone for one each here too. That seems fairest.

pitterpatterrain · 15/04/2017 06:57

Sleep during naps in the day (hollow laughter) is not possible

ChangingStates · 15/04/2017 06:57

1 morning each at the weekends in our house.

Mysterycat23 · 15/04/2017 06:58

Competitive tiredness means nobody wins.

You have the freedom to go back to bed on a weekday morning if the night has been bad. DH doesn't.

DH gets uninterrupted sleep and days away from the baby. You don't.

It's not unreasonable for either of you to want a lie in. Banning all weekend lie ins would be unreasonable.

Trifleorbust · 15/04/2017 07:00

I think one each is reasonable. It's true that you are doing all the wake-ups but it also true that you don't have to be up, out of the house and working first thing. You can take things easy in the morning.

'Sleep when the baby sleeps' is bollocks though. Flowers

MoreThanUs · 15/04/2017 07:02

I am absolutely flabbergasted by these responses! Of course YANBU. It's not just about length of sleep, it's quality of sleep and being woken up every 2.5 hours is exhausting. Once DC sleeps through you can split lie ins - until then, you'll need them.
Or you could offer to split the lie ins if you split the night feeds - bet he says no as interrupted nights are far better than a few measly hours once a week.

Original poster
Aliveinwanderland · 15/04/2017 07:02

Mysterycat I can't go back to bed as DS doesn't nap for very long.

OP posts:
Changingagain · 15/04/2017 07:02

DS is 18 months and has periods of a few weeks when he wakes upto every half hour. We both work weekdays and get up at 5am. I do all the getting up in the night as DH is a very heavy sleeper. We have 1 lie in each at the weekend.

I.often feel like you do but I try and remind myself that, while I believe I need a lie in more, he still needs a lie in too, just like we both did before kids. It's unfair but not as unfair as denying Dh any lie ins at all.

newmumwithquestions · 15/04/2017 07:04

I think YANBU. Getting up every 3 hours for 6 months is a killer. I did every night feed, most night wakings and every morning wake up for both of mine (not without arguments but OH just refused) I know how the sleep deprivation wears you down.
However, establish the one lie in a week now, your LO must be close to going for longer stretches at night now and when they do you will start to feel a lot better and at least you will have 1 lie in a week!

Original poster
Aliveinwanderland · 15/04/2017 07:04

Morethanus, that is my thinking, however I am prepared to be told I'm unreasonable.

We can't share the night feeds as I would need to wake to express milk as I get uncomfortable if I miss a feed.

OP posts:
Changingagain · 15/04/2017 07:05

And yes, bollocks to sleep when baby sleeps. Why on earth does everyone seem to say that, do they not remember the reality of having a baby around?

Underthemoonlight · 15/04/2017 07:07

I agree with other posters we had 3dc and had always shared the weekend lies and had one each, dh was just a disturbed as I was. Yabu

ofudginghell · 15/04/2017 07:10

One day each here too.
It's hard going on BOTH of you having a new baby.

Work always looks like the east option when your at home with a baby that doesn't sleep but the grass isn't always greener

Share them. Expecting your partner to do both weekend early starts and then go to work the other five days is ott.
You can sit down and rest when baby naps during the day and leave the housework till after. He won't have that option at work.
Do you have family or friends nearby?perhaps one morning a week someone could have him for a few hours so you can rest?

newmumwithquestions · 15/04/2017 07:10

You have the freedom to go back to bed on a weekday morning if the night has been bad. DH doesn't.
I disagree. You are assuming that OPs baby is a good napper. One of mine was, one wasnt. With the one that wasn't I had zero chance of a daytime nap.

BendingSpoons · 15/04/2017 07:14

YANBU! Yes it's not great getting up at 6 every day to work, but it's much better than continual disturbed sleep. I have recently gone from 2.night feeds to DD sleeping through but I get up every morning to breastfeed. (I can never get back to sleep after so don't bother). I feel so much better!

Chrisinthemorning · 15/04/2017 07:14

I'm with you, once DS sleeps through they are split. If you are doing all the night wakings you get the lie ins.

goodbyeyellowbrickroad · 15/04/2017 07:19

YANBU. Interrupted sleep like you're getting isn't quality sleep and it's utterly exhausting. Yes your DH is at work but he's getting around 8 hours uninterrupted sleep every night which is surely enough. Until your child sleeps through the night or you're not the only person feeding them/resettling during the night, you get the lie ins

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