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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not give DH a lie in?

346 replies

Aliveinwanderland · 15/04/2017 06:49

DS is 6 months old and wakes every 3 hours to be fed in the night. DH does a bottle at 9pm then I breastfeed all the other feeds.

On a week day DH is at work so takes DS downstairs for half an hour in a morning while he has his breakfast. He sometimes makes it home for bath and bed, sometimes not.

At a weekend he wants a lie in. I know he works hard but since he gets from 9pm -6am uninterrupted sleep I think he should let me have the lie ins! (By lie in I mean from 6am when DS wakes to around 8/9am).

AIBU to claim all the weekend lie ins myself?

OP posts:
Freddofrog1983 · 15/04/2017 07:21

I actually agree with you. When I breast fed mine, I saw nearly every hour of the night sometimes and I never asked my husband to get up as there was nothing he could do but I did expect him to get up with the baby in the morning to give me a couple of hours uninterrupted sleep and although he was up early he had slept all night. Sleeping when the baby sleeps didn't work for me as I had two other children to look after.

I think if you sleep all night every night then that's at the expense of a weekend lie in.

BendingSpoons · 15/04/2017 07:22

Also all this about napping when the baby naps, there is nothing stopping your DH napping at the weekend! I get that no lie-ins are depressing but it's still the better option compared to night wakings.

Frouby · 15/04/2017 07:24

1 lie in each is fair.

But when ds was tiny and I was bfing I used to have a long nap on a saturday afternoon and leave dp to it. Made me feel a lot better. Is that possible for you?

Daphnedown · 15/04/2017 07:25

I can't believe these responses and am astounded by the selfishness of your dh in claiming a lie-in when you've been getting up every 3 hours in the night. Would he really lie there in bed and let you get up with DCs after a whole night of feeding every 3 hours?!

Taking it in turns is fine when everyone is getting enough sleep, but not when one of you is chronically sleep deprived. Getting up at 6am every day is a bit crap it's nothing compared to waking every 3 hours! He can get a solid 9 hours if he goes to bed at 9pm.

Applesandpears23 · 15/04/2017 07:26

YANBU and at that stage I would also want to have one weekend afternoon nap myself whilst he entertained the baby. Any complaints tell him to go to bed earlier to increase his sleep.

lovemakespeace · 15/04/2017 07:26

I also can't believe many of these responses. I have 3 DC. They have all fed regularly through the night until around 8 months. During that period my DH would have done ANYTHING to allow me to have more sleep.

Opportunity to sleep 9 hours uninterrupted every night is a ridiculous luxury compared to getting up every 3 hours!!

If your DH is being disturbed due to being in same room etc then i would get him to move out temporarily if an option or on nights he is feeling tired. 6 months in is survival mode.

Agree that when baby sleeping through taking turns is fair.

100% YANBU from me apart from obviously if you DH is particularly struggling one day, you do what you can to help each other.

user1471558436 · 15/04/2017 07:28

You should have both sleeps. You're sleep deprived. He's not. He can have a snooze on the sofa later.

Mysterycat23 · 15/04/2017 07:29

OP fair enough LO doesn't nap in the morning. You mentioned not having time for an afternoon nap due to cleaning the kitchen - so does LO nap at lunchtime? If you're prioritising cleaning the kitchen at lunchtime over a nap and doing this every day even when exhausted then please stop cleaning so much. This doesn't affect your entitlement to lie ins btw, I'm not saying naps replace lie ins, they absolutely do not.

BeaveredBadgered · 15/04/2017 07:30

YANBU. We've done one each from when DD slept through but before then just made a call each weekend based on who needed the sleep more. In our case it was usually DH as I was in the habit of going to bed very early and DD was a fairly decent sleeper just having one or two night feeds.

On the odd occasion I needed the extra sleep DH was happy to get up with DD.

Wilhamenawonka · 15/04/2017 07:31

Our rule was that i dealt with whatever happened at night and he dealt with whatever time they got up.

user1488794856 · 15/04/2017 07:32

YANBU in my opinion. You both chose to have a baby, yes he works all day, but so do you, caring for a baby day and night is relentless. I agree that lie ins should be shared, but the baby stage won't last forever, and just because we are mothers doesn't mean we should be crippled by sleep deprivation until we are on our knees. You deserve a lie in as much as he does and it should be shared.

But that's just me!

Skala123 · 15/04/2017 07:32

I don't there needs to be a set rule. We tend to go by who is really tired. My DH needs more sleep than me and works hard all week so I generally give him the lie ins as it makes for a nicer weekend when he has slept longer. However if he can see I'm knackered for whatever reason then he insists I lie in.
Less about 'fairness' and more about looking out for each other and taking each day as it comes

BeaveredBadgered · 15/04/2017 07:34

I should add my DH did a dream feed at 11ish each night and got up at 7ish for work, and works long days.
When DD dropped the dream feed it then seemed fair to have a lie in each.

user1471558436 · 15/04/2017 07:34

I could never nap during the day. It would ruin my evening sleep

wen4567 · 15/04/2017 07:34

I have a 5 month old who usually wakes once in the night for a feed and a 2.5yr old who gets up at 6am.
During the week I usually do the night feed (formula fed) and get up as my DH has to go to work but the rule at the weekend is whoever does the night feed gets the lie in!!
How is it fair to have to be up every 3 hours AND have to get up early??
It's usually the best couple of hours sleep I get in the morning without having to listen out for a child.
And for what's it worth I still hear the baby in the night even when I'm not feeding him, id kill for a full 8 hours uninterrupted sleep!!!

BWatchWatcher · 15/04/2017 07:37

YABU
Split the lie ins. Getting up every morning at 6am isn't fair either.

HeteronormativeHaybales · 15/04/2017 07:39

I haven't slept through for 2 years, since mid-pregnancy. My 18mo is still feeding a couple of times a night - every 3 hours was good going at 6mo -, and often not asleep until 10pm, and I have two older ones who were like this too, and I still think YABU, especially because your dh takes your ds for half an hour before work, giving you a mini-'lie in' every morning. You are both exhausted, One lie-in each is the only fair thing.

LoveDeathPrizes · 15/04/2017 07:40

I do all the feeds and get all the lie ins. If you include fifty trillion wake ups for dummy too, I'm exhausted all the time.

Freddofrog1983 · 15/04/2017 07:41

So getting up at 6am isn't fair even though he sleeps from 9pm?

FourToTheFloor · 15/04/2017 07:45

Yanbu. I got all the sleep ins with dd2 as dh slept downstairs so his sleep wasn't interupted. No he lies in and I get up with both but I nap when dd2 does and for as long as I want.

user1483705947 · 15/04/2017 07:45

I don't think you're unreasonable for thinking it, of course you too are wiped! however I do think as your Dh is working full time, out of the house all day etc, that he shouldn't be expected to get up at 6am every weekend. I would say you should compromise and ask he does 1 or 2 weekends a month, by weekends I mean either a Saturday or a Sunday, not both days. This is what me and my dh did as he worked long and hard and I think he would have bitten my hand off at the chance to switch places and he get to be at home with our dc. Although being at home all day isn't a breeze a we all know. Still beats working full time though.

HunterHearstHelmsley · 15/04/2017 07:49

Definitely split the lie ins.

I get up at 5am every day and would kill for a lie in at the weekend, I go to bed early but it's not the same. If there were two lie ins available and I'd been up for the first one, I'd be lying in bed claiming my lie in regardless.

MamaHanji · 15/04/2017 07:50

YANBU my 4 month old is teething like mad and barely settling all night and just generally feeds on and off from 12-6 so I get 2 hours of sleep before she wakes up for the first feed and then it all starts.

He falls asleep as soon as we get into bed and snores his head off from 10pm-5:45am.

On the weekends when he's home, if I don't have loads of stuff to do straight away, once the toddler is up around 6:30am, he takes the baby and sometimes I'm able to get 2/3 more hours before she needs feeding again.

You get the lie ins. When the kids are older, you split them. Right now, they're yours.

disappearingfish · 15/04/2017 07:50

One lie in each but you get a big sleep on Saturday and Sunday during the day while he takes the baby out.

And would you consider reducing the number of night feeds ? Every 3 hours sounds a lot for a healthy 6mo.

Lunalovepud · 15/04/2017 07:50

YANBU. DC1 is 20 months and has slept through only a handful of times. I used to do all nights and DH got up with him at 6 so I could get an extra hour of sleep.

Not only did I develop murderous thoughts towards DH after listening to him snoring away while I was up in the night for the third time, every might, for months on end, interrupted sleep is terrible for you and contributed to my PND.

Now DH gets up in the night sometimes, usually if I am too tired to physically wake up, and if I can, I get up early with DC and he gets a sleep in. But it is mostly me sleeping. Not sleeping in as that would imply I've been asleep for more than 2 consecutive hours overnight which doesn't happen. I did offer to get up every day at the crack of dawn if he did all the night stuff so I could get 7 hours of uninterrupted sleep but funnily enough, he wasn't keen. Can't imagine why. Wink

Sleep deprivation affects everyone differently. Do what you need to do. And try not to throttle anyone who tells you to sleep when the baby sleeps.Angry

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