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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not give DH a lie in?

346 replies

Aliveinwanderland · 15/04/2017 06:49

DS is 6 months old and wakes every 3 hours to be fed in the night. DH does a bottle at 9pm then I breastfeed all the other feeds.

On a week day DH is at work so takes DS downstairs for half an hour in a morning while he has his breakfast. He sometimes makes it home for bath and bed, sometimes not.

At a weekend he wants a lie in. I know he works hard but since he gets from 9pm -6am uninterrupted sleep I think he should let me have the lie ins! (By lie in I mean from 6am when DS wakes to around 8/9am).

AIBU to claim all the weekend lie ins myself?

OP posts:
Nottsangel2015 · 15/04/2017 09:45

We split lie in's at weekend and bank holidays. Role reversal in that I work everyday and dp is at home with dd2. He gets up if dd2 wakes on my busy days in the night (rare now she's nearly two!) she gets up at 6.30 and I get up with her all week as I need to get up for work anyway and get dd1 off to school. Dp gets up about 8. It annoys me sometimes but I just get on with it and like I said I need to be up anyway to get ready for work etc. I still believe we both deserve a lie in at the weekend tho hence why we share them. Even tho he gets a good hour/hour and half extra daily than me in the week. Tho I do go to sleep earlier most nights so guess it's often even x

Nottsangel2015 · 15/04/2017 09:47

Meant to say I do bed and bath every night. Dp only does it if I am going out at the weekend x

disappearingfish · 15/04/2017 09:48

So on week days you are in bed (but not asleep) until 8.15am?

And your husband gives him breakfast every weekday morning?

I still think you should split lie ins at the weekend but have afternoon naps when your husband is there to look after the baby.

NataliaOsipova · 15/04/2017 09:49

I think splitting lie ins when kids are older/at school is a completely different matter from doing it when there is a baby not sleeping through. I used to do all night feeds/night time things when mine were babies. My DH slept in the spare room at the other end of the house. He had to get up and function at work and, as others have said, I could slob around in my dressing gown all day if I'd had a particularly rough night. But come the weekend? He took over in the mornings to let me catch up on some sleep. No question.

Original poster
Aliveinwanderland · 15/04/2017 09:49

I sleep from around 10pm until midnight when DS wakes. It takes half an hour to feed him and on a good night he will go straight back down. On a bad night I might have to go back in to him 2/3 times to put his dummy in and settle him. Then repeat again around 3am and sometimes another round at 5am.

OP posts:
Original poster
Aliveinwanderland · 15/04/2017 09:52

Disappearingfish- he has only just started weaning so DH doesn't give him breakfast. Yes I stay in bed until around 8:15 on a weekday but am awake from 7am ish when DS comes into our bed as I give him a feed and DH is pottering around getting ready and in the shower.

I am going back to work next month and so we need to get a morning routine sorted that works for us, which is going to include DH getting up much earlier than 7:30 as both me and DS need to be out of the house by 7:15.

OP posts:
LoveDeathPrizes · 15/04/2017 09:57

I honestly think it's easier going to work than staying with the kids so to be honest, if I were working I'd see it as more of a break and give up the lie-in. When I'm with the kids, I need far more sleep just to stay patient!

FatOldBag · 15/04/2017 09:59

When I was doing all the night feeds (bf) I got all the lie-ins - I was the one with lost sleep I needed to replace! Dh never suggested one lie-in each, and I never suggested the baby feed off his tits all night one weekend night. Whatever works for you though.

ItMustBeBedtimeSurely · 15/04/2017 10:09

What kind of selfish twat would lie around in bed and make his wife get up with the baby when she has not had a full night's sleep in months?

Getting up and going to work every day does not compare, not even close, to chronic sleep deprivation.

RainbowsAndUnicorn · 15/04/2017 10:13

We did one each although would have been happy to let him have both if needed as he was working whilst I was free to do as I pleased on maternity leave. Tiredness at home and tiredness when being paid to to a job are very different.

LoveDeathPrizes · 15/04/2017 10:31

I disagree. At work you can switch off and detatch far more than with your own children.

LoveDeathPrizes · 15/04/2017 10:32

Detach. Sorry!

innagazing · 15/04/2017 10:36

YANBU!
I can't believe anyone thinks he should get a lie in, when he has the opportunity of 9 hours sleep a night, every night and you are so sleep deprived!
If he wants a 'lie in', (ie more than hours sleep a night) tell him to go to bed earlier.
I just don't see how you are going to cope with going back to work next month on so little sleep. It;s going to be very very difficult to cope, and I think you both should be concentrating on working out how to manage this, rather than on him getting lie ins.
I'd get the baby on night bottles pretty damn quick, so he can take his equal share of the night feeds. He should be doing this now, to establish it before your return to work. It's more likely that baby will accept a bottle from him, than you, and that you're not in sight of the baby.
Then he can have one of the weekend lie ins
He's a selfish twat!

ElisavetaFartsonira · 15/04/2017 10:57

Apparently your DHs hard work outweighs your hard work plus sleep deprivation OP. Because penis, presumably.

Karanka · 15/04/2017 11:00

Tiredness at home and tiredness when being paid to to a job are very different.

Neither are pleasant, but they are different. I used to do the 11pm feeds and some of the night feeds, then had to be up at 6am for a long commute. I had a lot of 'long blinks' on those drives in the morning!

At weekends DW got the lie-ins - DD and I would get a few hours together in the mornings

At work you can switch off and detatch far more than with your own children.

Not really - if you're in healthcare, or up scaffolding, or a driver, or operating heavy plant, you can't really 'switch off'.

Bicnod · 15/04/2017 11:07

YANBU - a lie in suggests extra sleep, whereas you need to catch up on sleep. We have 3DC and all have been terrible sleepers. I've always done the night shift and DH deals with them in the morning so I can catch up on lost sleep.

deadpool99 · 15/04/2017 11:08

I think you should split the weekend lie in to one each of you and maybe on the day you are not having a lie in - can you go to sleep once DH has woken up ? I used to go back to sleep mid morning for couple of hours at weekend whilst DH looked after DC1.

deadpool99 · 15/04/2017 11:09

btw. YANBU - I was 100 times more shattered with lack of sleep after DC1 than i was went i went to work before kids. You need to get more sleep at weekends.

Grenoble124 · 15/04/2017 11:17

I think maybe one each would be fair. He is up early with ds every morning. My ds 10mo wakes at 8am and I bring him down and give him his breakfast every morning. Dh sometimes joins us at weekends but I have to ask for the odd lie in where he gets up and does everything. I bf so baby is awake a lot. I genuinely don't mind getting up most mornings but sometimes I'm on my knees with tiredness and just need a break!

pictish · 15/04/2017 11:57

"At work you can switch off and detatch far more than with your own children."

Mumsnet mummy-blindness in its purest form.

How the hell do you know that?! What's his job? You have no idea.

Looking after a baby is a full time job...so is a full time job. One lie in each.

Ecureuil · 15/04/2017 12:02

Looking after a baby is a full time job...so is a full time job. One lie in each

I would agree with that if her partner was also getting up in the middle of the night multiple times to do his job.

WorraLiberty · 15/04/2017 12:03

Another vote to split the lie-ins.

Also OP you say, I sometimes nap when he does in the day but often by the time I've made lunch and cleaned the kitchen there isn't time.

Why are you making the sort of lunch that needs the kitchen to be cleaned while the baby sleeps?

Why not make a sandwich/salad while the baby is awake, eat it when baby is awake and then sleep when they do?

Oysterbabe · 15/04/2017 12:03

DD doesn't sleep through and it's one each in this house.

Ecureuil · 15/04/2017 12:04

I'm actually genuinely shocked to hear that there are seemingly lots of people out there demanding lie ins despite knowing their partner is getting up multiple times a night to look after their child, and is completely exhausted.
OP's partner is getting 9 hours sleep a night. 9. Why the actual fuck does he need a lie in??

Trifleorbust · 15/04/2017 12:32

Looking after a baby is a full time job...so is a full time job. One lie in each.

Oh right, so I can cap looking after my baby at 40 hours a week, can I? Hmm

If the OP is doing a full time job just in the hours she cares for the baby during the day time, then also doing the night shift, the concept of full-time means something a little different: all the time!