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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not give DH a lie in?

346 replies

Aliveinwanderland · 15/04/2017 06:49

DS is 6 months old and wakes every 3 hours to be fed in the night. DH does a bottle at 9pm then I breastfeed all the other feeds.

On a week day DH is at work so takes DS downstairs for half an hour in a morning while he has his breakfast. He sometimes makes it home for bath and bed, sometimes not.

At a weekend he wants a lie in. I know he works hard but since he gets from 9pm -6am uninterrupted sleep I think he should let me have the lie ins! (By lie in I mean from 6am when DS wakes to around 8/9am).

AIBU to claim all the weekend lie ins myself?

OP posts:
Trifleorbust · 15/04/2017 08:29

Actually I've changed my mind. You're right, you are the sleep deprived one. It's hard being firm and making your DP get up while you sleep. Maybe you can give him an occasional lie in every couple of weeks.

SootSprite · 15/04/2017 08:30

When dd was a baby (many years ago) I would breastfeed in the night and then hand her over to dh who would wind her and get her back to sleep while I went straight back to sleep. He still got up and went to work, did a full day and then came home and cooked dinner for us. He wanted to be part of looking after dd and said that I was working all day too looking after dd. 😊

ShowMePotatoSalad · 15/04/2017 08:31

Still laughing at You could nap in the day while the baby sleeps

Biggest myth ever

robinia · 15/04/2017 08:31

Was always one lie-in each here.

ShowMePotatoSalad · 15/04/2017 08:31

Soot that's what we've always done. I feed during the night but DH helps me settle DS afterwards. Team work is lovely

BendingSpoons · 15/04/2017 08:32

The OP said her DH gets up with DS in the week for half an hour whilst he has his breakfast. I don't think that implies any great sacrifice on his part.

Some posts mention taking a nap if you are really tired. Why is it ok for OP to be really tired every day because she is on maternity? If the OPs DH is really tired then he could also nap instead of a lie in. However I would think if he actually went to bed 9:30-6 every night he can probably cope. There is no suggestion he can't rest/chill etc later in the day. He probably doesn't want to go bed at 9:30 every night, but that's his choice.

People saying the DH is also getting disturbed every feed, depends how he sleeps I guess. My DH would often sleep through the awakenings and if he did wake, would turn over and go straight back to sleep. Very different to actually doing a feed.

Drmum123 · 15/04/2017 08:33

I still can't make my mind up on this one! DH and I have settled on alternate lie ins! We have four children. Youngest is 4 months and breast feeds through the night anything from three to eight times (I do Co sleep though). However older two have swimming lessons on a Saturday morning at seven, as such there is no lie in then, as husband takes them swimming and I get up with baby and toddler. So I get alternate Sundays. One in two weeks. During the week we both get up at six, me for school run and him for work.

One the one hand I feel aggrieved because I am knackered, and also my lie in is until max nine o clock (due to breast feeding baby) whereas he is unlimited and often sleeps until eleven o clock or even later. On the other hand a lie in is lovely because not only is it uninterrupted sleep in the morning it also gives you a bit more child free freedom the night before. The evening before a lie in when you don't have that pressure to go to sleep is really nice.

I am currently up with all four of them (no swimming today so we both get a lie in this weekend... Yay!), I am really looking forward to lie in on Monday. Unfortunately the bloody easter bunny has stolen tomorrow's!

Whathaveilost · 15/04/2017 08:33

Sleep during naps in the day (hollow laughter) is not possible
Often worked for me! I liked curling up on seteee with the sun coming through the window on to my face. I nodded off in no time!

MsGameandWatch · 15/04/2017 08:36

These threads always make me angry because they remind me of my ex H who probably let me have two lie ins throughout the babyhood of both my dc. The rest of time he'd be SO tired he simply couldn't be roused so trying to do it just made me totally awake, or he got aggressive and I'd be subjected to long lectures on how tough life was for him doing the working hours he did.

Anyway, one lie in each I think. A lie in is gold dust and it is pretty tough to never have one to look forward to. I would know.

Sunshinegirl82 · 15/04/2017 08:38

Showmepotatosalad that one always makes me laugh too! Like you can catch up on a full night of interrupted sleep by grabbing 20 minutes (if you're lucky) whilst the baby naps!

Ds naps for about an hour morning and afternoon. I need to shower and eat at some point so usually do that during nap times. Plus, although I'm not a slave to housework I think you do realistically need to do a small amount each day otherwise everything descends into chaos! I usually aim to do a quick sweep of the kitchen, put away laundry, stick a wash on etc.

Oh and I have always, and still do pay half the bills.

Questioningeverything · 15/04/2017 08:40

I know it's not the same but this is exactly why I started sending ds to his dads once a week. He's 8months and still waking 3 times a night. Difference being he's formula fed, on hungry baby milk. And I am soooo looking forward to my sleep tonight

Mirandafart · 15/04/2017 08:40

Of course its possible to nap when baby naps, if you put your mind to it. No ones stating that op shouldn't get a lie in (she totally deserves one) but that also her DH should be able to look forward to a lie in too. It makes me smile when new parents complain of lack of sleep, it comes with having a baby! It doesn't last forever, parenting is a partnership. Ops DH can't breast feed but it sounds like he is doing the best he can to help her.

disastrouslee · 15/04/2017 08:42

It was always one each here too. When DD as small DG was a SAHD and tbh you sound a bit like he was: he thought I had it easy, going out to work. Neither option is easy and you both deserve a lie in each.

diddl · 15/04/2017 08:43

How muh sleep are you getting at night Op?

Even with a nap in the day you might not be getting 9hrs!

DeadGood · 15/04/2017 08:44

"I am absolutely flabbergasted by these responses! Of course YANBU. It's not just about length of sleep, it's quality of sleep and being woken up every 2.5 hours is exhausting. Once DC sleeps through you can split lie ins - until then, you'll need them."

Agree. YANBU OP. Stand up for yourself, you need the sleep more than he does right now. A measly half hour every morning during the week doesn't make up for it.

WomblingThree · 15/04/2017 08:48

OP was your baby prem or very small? If not, I would start trying to drop a feed. If he's getting a bottle at 9, and then you are feeding him at midnight, 3 and 6 that seems a high number of feeds for a six month old. If you went to bed at 9, pushed the bottlefeed by your DH to 10, and dropped the midnight feed, you'd get 6 hours uninterrupted sleep. Life would probably seem much better!

EatTheChocolateTeapot · 15/04/2017 08:48

YANBU. You coud still give him a lie in once in a while if he is extremely tired but since you are up 3-4 times a night and breastfeeding you need the lie ins more than he does.

RubyGoat · 15/04/2017 08:49

I suspect YABU a little bit, because you're sleep deprived & everything is so much harder when you're exhausted. I really sympathise. However, just because your DH isn't getting up with you, doesn't necessarily mean he isn't waking up too. He may be laying in bed trying to sleep & unable to. My DH & I took turns with our DD - when I was BFing I did the feeds & DH changed her. When DD went onto bottles we took turns so each of us knew whose night it was on duty. If one of us was ill the other took over. Perhaps your DH can do the Friday & Saturday night nappy changes & just bring your DC for you to feed in bed after?

Ecureuil · 15/04/2017 08:49

Seriously though, why do all these people getting up to 9 hours sleep a night need a lie in??? DH wouldn't dream of lying in after 9 hours sleep (and neither would I if I ever got it).

witsender · 15/04/2017 08:49

We always aimed to split them, unless one of us had had a particularly bad night. We still do now and the kids are 6 and 4. This morning would normally be DH's lie in, but I'm pregnant and knackered and was still snoring when he woke up so he left me to it and came downstairs.

glitterglitters · 15/04/2017 08:50

Split the difference, one on Saturday and one on Sunday, then swap the week after. He's probably still being woken in some shape or form during the night feeds (even if it looks like he's snoring away) and he does work full time.

Compromising in these situations will lead to a lot less arguing and resentment later on. If for example your dc sleeps through one night do you still get the lie in? What if he's had a rough day at work and he's slept poorly? Yes taking care of kids is exhausting but so is working full time.

Personally I get a lay in maybe... once a month if I'm lucky?

My DH's work schedule means he gets up at 5:30am, works most weekends too and by the time he gets a day off he needs the lay in. He will split the difference though with me.

Our Dd is nearly 2 and still doesn't always sleep through either and wakes up bang on 6am without fail. I do all the wake ups (she only settles for me anyway).

witsender · 15/04/2017 08:52

But then tbh while he can fall asleep in the blink of an eye, he would often wake when I did. Yes, he would nod off again fairly quickly but we co-slept so his waking was inevitable at times. Even when our first was next door he would stir when I got up, check everything was ok etc. So maybe not awake for as long, but broken sleep. If he was sleeping solidly for 9 hours we both might feel differently.

The lie in now is more about having a couple of hours with no-one talking to us, sleep is a bonus!

Aria2015 · 15/04/2017 08:53

YANBU your dh works but so do you - looking after a baby! You haven't had a decent nights sleep in 6 months and he gets one every night. If he had a week of your sleep pattern, I'm pretty sure he would appreciate how much better off in the sleep department he is than you!

I never made my dh get up in the night, not since lo was a newborn as I was bf and it didn't make sense for both of us to be tired. At weekends dh always made sure I got extra sleep. He's never asked for a lie in but then that might be because he asks to play golf instead!

Yorke00 · 15/04/2017 08:55

I also absolutely cannot believe some of these responses. Our DS is 10 months and not a great sleeper- i do all the night wakings and DP takes over every morning from 5.30am so i can go back to bed. Every morning, including weekends. He does this happily and is completely in agreement with me- if he is getting an uninterrupted night's sleep most nights and I'm up every night at least twice and sometimes more, why on earth does he need a lie-in?! YANBU OP, at all. And I'm bewildered by some of the comments on here.

TheNaze73 · 15/04/2017 08:57

YABU. We used to split the lie ins over the weekend.