Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not give DH a lie in?

346 replies

Aliveinwanderland · 15/04/2017 06:49

DS is 6 months old and wakes every 3 hours to be fed in the night. DH does a bottle at 9pm then I breastfeed all the other feeds.

On a week day DH is at work so takes DS downstairs for half an hour in a morning while he has his breakfast. He sometimes makes it home for bath and bed, sometimes not.

At a weekend he wants a lie in. I know he works hard but since he gets from 9pm -6am uninterrupted sleep I think he should let me have the lie ins! (By lie in I mean from 6am when DS wakes to around 8/9am).

AIBU to claim all the weekend lie ins myself?

OP posts:
fourteenlittleducks · 15/04/2017 07:51

YABU IMO. He gets up early on work mornings to give you more time in bed. My DH and all my friends' DHs just get up and go to work, so I think you should appreciate this. Presumably he's also waking every time baby wakes, even though he doesn't have to get up to feed.

I think you should split the weekend lie-ins, he deserves one too. You could hand baby over when he wakes from his lie-in and take a nap.

ElisavetaFartsonira · 15/04/2017 07:56

Yanbu. There's literally no legitimate argument otherwise.

Bigbertha123 · 15/04/2017 08:00

We split the lie ins here, but I totally agree with you and this is something I struggled with when getting up to feed every 2h.

My DD generally sleeps through now at 18m, but even when I started back at work, commuting 100 miles a day and getting up several times a night to feed we split the lie ins. I think I should have had them all then.

Mayvis · 15/04/2017 08:00

You get both lie ins.

That's what we did. My DH has a job that requires very early starts and he still let me have a lie in on his days off. Our children are older now but we sometimes have a nap each in the afternoon, depends on who wants or needs one.

Constant interrupted sleep every night trumps a slightly earlier wake up every day IMO.

IDefinitelyWould · 15/04/2017 08:00

When ds was younger and didn't sleep I did all night wakings as he was ebf. Dh and I had one lie in each on a weekend as dh has a demanding job. However, when he got up after his lie in he would often take ds for a walk or out to the shops so i could have a couple of hours completely alone in the house to have a bath, sleep, drink tea in peace. That was better than any lie in! Would something like that work for you?

Screwinthetuna · 15/04/2017 08:01

Sorry, I think YABU. He wakes up early every day and lets you sleep a bit longer. I'm guessing you are home with the 6MO and could also nap in the day?
Why not have one weekend day to lie in each?

Ecureuil · 15/04/2017 08:05

I've always had both lie ins OP for the same reasons you're suggesting. I've always done the night shifts as breastfeeding, so always had the lie ins. DH slept 10-6 uninterrupted which is 8 hours, why would he need a lie in? That's plenty of sleep.
Luckily he was in complete agreement with me.

Ecureuil · 15/04/2017 08:05

I could also never nap in the day either as DD1 would only nap for 20 mins at a time until 6 months, and when DD2 was a baby I had toddler DD1 at home.

UppityHumpty · 15/04/2017 08:06

Maybe you should go to work and split the bills too OP. You sound really selfish tbh.

Lovethebubbles · 15/04/2017 08:06

Had exactly the same situation as you. As the baby got older we normally split lie ins unless the nights had been particular horrendous (waking every hour) and then I would stay in bed whilst he got up with the children. On the day he gets a lie in, could you go back to bed for a couple of hours in the afternoon whilst he looks after the baby? I did that at times I was extremely exhausted. I think everyone's situation is different and different people need different amounts of sleep, so you need to do what works for you as a couple.

pictish · 15/04/2017 08:07

One each. It's the fairest way. Yes, your sleep is disturbed but he still gets up early five days a week for work.

BeyondThePage · 15/04/2017 08:08

I'm a "lark" DH is an "owl" - THANK GOODNESS! We got lucky on that.

But in your position OP I would share the lie ins. Your DH must be being disturbed during the nights when baby wakes too - he is just not having to get up.

Would also be looking at some way of stretching the time between night feeds - we also did mixed feeding - introducing a late evening bottle meant they slept for 7 hours around 4 months - so would try moving the bottle later - as now they are 6months, "proper" food will be coming in and filling them up early in the day, so if the late feed stays that early, they won't get enough before being full-up to keep them from hunger waking.

Xmasbaby11 · 15/04/2017 08:09

Yabu, I think you should spilt the lie ins. I'm basing that on my own experience that maternity leave with one child is easier than working. I never napped but you're not running round after them at that age and can sit down if you're tired. At that stage I was still taking dd to baby cinema, long lunches with friends etc so my days were relaxed. I think it depends on your baby though. I'm presuming your dh looks after the baby so you have time to yourself at weekend for hour or two?

Ecureuil · 15/04/2017 08:09

It also depends how you sleep. DH goes to bed and sleeps until morning. I have insomnia and after each wake up it could take me an hour to get back to sleep. So DH would rather I had the lie ins so I could function the next day.
Seriously though, does anyone who sleeps 7-8 hours uninterrupted at night actually need a lie in? DH wouldn't be able to sleep any longer.

Fairylea · 15/04/2017 08:12

I don't think he should get lie ins when he has uninterrupted sleep! How is that even remotely fair?

We have a child with asd aged 5 who has a sleep disorder. He wakes 4-5 times a night for about 10-20 mins each time, he needs supervising and encouraging back to sleep. During the week I do all the night waking and at the weekend we share it, although it ends up being mostly me as part of ds asd means he likes routine so he settles more quickly for me. Dh wouldn't dream of having a lie in! When I've been up all night all week on and off with ds why on earth should he have yet more sleep?! Ridiculous.

I am totally with you and I think having one lie in each should only really come into play when a child is properly sleeping through.

khajiit13 · 15/04/2017 08:14

Can you split the lie ins but you can also go for a nap the day you get up?

MollyCule · 15/04/2017 08:15

I'm in a very similar situation, my DD is 9 months. I am still breastfeeding as well and I cosleep because it's the only way I feel likr a human in the morning. I think she wakes around every 3 hours now (don't look at time anymore).

At 6 months I had been through a phase of 2 hour wakes that had lastest around 2 months. I was a wreck, so I think it depends on how you are coping with it. Normally I would say one lie in each, but if you are really not coping with the lack of sleep I would ask him to do both. Also, I sometimes to leave the baby with him for a few hours on Saturday or Sunday so I can see a friend and have some baby- free time. I highly recommend this!

My DH slept with us in our bed last night for the first time in ages. At 7am this morning he said to me "I don't know how you do it, she woke up loads". Hmm.. there I am thinking it was a pretty good night. Anyway he's in bed and I am downstairs with DD. Tbh I think it's easier for me to get up just because I'm more used to it than he is now.

Hope the nights get better for you soon..

coolaschmoola · 15/04/2017 08:17

We split them. Even though I did the nights DH was still having his sleep disturbed by dd crying and me getting up. He wasn't getting a full night of uninterrupted sleep.

In all honesty, despite being awake in the night I was getting a LOT more physical rest at home than DH was at work. I sat and fed dd, I cuddled her... One hour of housework/cooking a day and the other eight hours were playing, feeding, watching a bit of TV, seeing friends and mumsnetting. Unlike DH who was on the go.

How would you feel if he decided to stay in bed until he had to leave for work, rather than getting DS up? He's doing his share of morning get ups, I think one lie in is fair.

edengarden123 · 15/04/2017 08:20

We always take turns with the lie in. Him sat me Sunday. If he happened to be working on a Saturday we would take every other Sunday. I think it's quite unfair to your OH not to get that little bit of respite

Ecureuil · 15/04/2017 08:23

I'm always surprised by all these men demanding lie ins. DH just said to me 'you've been up in the night so stay in bed until you're ready'. He wouldn't have dreamed of doing otherwise.
Now they both sleep through neither of us lie in because we don't need to. They get up at 7ish, so we can manage enough sleep before then. Unless one of us is hungover, then they get to stay in bed as long as they want!

Mirandafart · 15/04/2017 08:23

Yabvu, split the lie ins. He has to work in the week so needs sleep, you could nap in day while baby sleeps.

Sunshinegirl82 · 15/04/2017 08:23

We are in the same boat OP but Ds is 9 months!

I have all lie ins on every available day. Over Easter I will be having 4! We go to bed at 9 and I cover all wakings till 6. DH can sleep through anything and never hears ds. 9 hours uninterrupted sleep everyday should be enough for anyone!

Once ds is sleeping through I'm more than happy to share lie ins! I don't think you're unreasonable at all op.

Lunalovepud · 15/04/2017 08:26

I'm really surprised at some of the replies on this thread - maybe op should go to work and pay half the bills? How do you know she wasn't doing this until she had the baby?

I think the proof for me has always been to offer my DH a complete swap - he's never taken me up on my offer as he knows he'd be on his arse with sleep deprivation in a week.

OP states that her DH gets 9pm - 6am uninterrupted sleep per night. She's up every few hours every night. It's clear to me who needs to catch up on sleep.

ShowMePotatoSalad · 15/04/2017 08:27

I think YANBU either. You're doing ALL the night feeds.

Ecureuil · 15/04/2017 08:28

I was shocked at that one too Luna, for all we know she is still paying half the bills. I was on mat leave with DD1 as I had a good maternity package!