Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Men on gynae ward

415 replies

roarityroar · 03/04/2017 12:55

Yesterday I was taken into hospital after heavy bleeding. I needed a blood transfusion and then went into theatre for surgery. They ask you to keep all sanitary pads to show how much you're bleeding, which is obviously very personal and after the general anaesthetic I felt groggy and vulnerable.

There are 4 beds in this ward with curtains. Two of the other three women have their partners here. I feel pretty vulnerable as it is and given it's the gynaecology ward AIBU to really not want random non-HCP men just a curtain away when I'm bleeding from my sodding vagina?

OP posts:
Original poster
roarityroar · 03/04/2017 12:56

I just want privacy :(

OP posts:
DioneTheDiabolist · 03/04/2017 12:58

YANBU OP, but nor are the other patients.Thanks

ZilphasHatpin · 03/04/2017 13:02

Is it outside of visiting hours?

VestalVirgin · 03/04/2017 13:02

YANBU. Women don't get enough privacy in hospitals. I really don't know how I would cope with having to have any kind of surgery. I'd probably end up delaying it indefinitely and endangering my health.

They should have separate wards for women who want to have men in there.

Sidge · 03/04/2017 13:02

I feel for you, but you can't stop partners visiting when their loved one is in hospital, even on a gynae ward. They should of course be quiet and respectful, but you can't ban them.

I'm going into a gynae ward soon for a hysterectomy and I'll be wanting my (male) DP to visit me.

I hope you're better soon.

Trifleorbust · 03/04/2017 13:03

Sorry to hear you are unwell, OP. The purpose of the curtain is to offer you privacy whilst offering other patients the chance to access support - I would want my DH.

araiwa · 03/04/2017 13:04

were the curtains transparent?

and why would anyone want to be looking at that anyway?

im sure they were all more concerned about their gf/dw than anything else going on

Rainydayspending · 03/04/2017 13:06

I hope you're ok. Of course you feel vulnerable. I had three hours in A&E once due to blood loss during a miscarriage. I have never felt so feeble curtains between me and all the bustle of car accident and police statements on one side/ older lady with breathing problems on another.
Have you got music to zone out or something?

FancyFingers · 03/04/2017 13:07

I can understand where you are coming from. Especially when personal/medical questions are asked and everyone can here.

FancyFingers · 03/04/2017 13:07

Hear!

Beadoren · 03/04/2017 13:07

YANBU for feeling vulnerable but YABU to want no other men on the ward. It's the same on the post natal ward, you can hear the nurses giving them a bed bath and see them carry out lots of soiled blood sheets or talk about pads and stitches. I'm guessing it's the same kind of thing on the gastro ward when it's faeces. And actually probably anybody in general who has to walk around hospital feeling like shit in a gown.

Sorry you're feeling poorly OP but other visitors are probably more concerned about their family members and you'll probably never see them again. Hospitals are a place where you are going to lose your 'dignity' a bit (although it is just a vagina, just another body part). We're lucky enough to have free HC in this country, but privacy isn't a luxury the NHS can afford patients. You could hire a side room? Or go private if that's something you can afford.

Flowers sorry you're feeling so shit

SecretNetter · 03/04/2017 13:07

I'm sorry for your situation but yabu.

Gynae is where I was sent at 19 + 6 pg when I started getting awful stomach pains. Maternity won't take you until 20 weeks so I was one day short.

Dh was with me on the ward whilst we waited to hear if our baby was ok or not and apart from me needing his support, I think he had a right to be there considering this is his child too. If you want or need privacy, this is what the curtains are for. The NHS have other more pressing priorities than shelling out for x different wards just to ensure men don't share the same space as women at all.

PinkHeart59156816 · 03/04/2017 13:08

YANBU to feel that way but neither is the women next you that wants her dh/dp to visit

Babyroobs · 03/04/2017 13:10

It is embarrassing. I got admitted to a surgical assessment ward last year with a really embarrassing problem and was mortified that the visitors in the next bed space could hear the surgeon talking to me.

jacks11 · 03/04/2017 13:10

If they are there during visiting hours visiting their female loved ones, then I'm afraid you are being unreasonable. You cannot ban people from having male visitors because it is a gynaecology ward, that wouldn't be fair.

I'm sorry you're not well and that you feel vulnerable- perhaps speak to your nurse for support? They won't be able to grant your wish, but they may be able to help in other ways.

Stitchfusion · 03/04/2017 13:11

yanbu to feel that way. But unfortunately unless you are in your own home, or paying for a private room, thats the way hospitals are.
When I saw your post I thought you were saying the men were patients there. That can happen too unfortunately. :(
Lots of positive thoughts for you.

Theresnonamesleft · 03/04/2017 13:13

Depends if this was during visiting hours

Goldensunnydays81 · 03/04/2017 13:14

Sorry you are feeling so rubbish but you are being a little bit unreasonable, I had surgery in October for cervical candle and I just wanted my husband with me after, I had to have surgery in London which is 5 hours away from my home so the only support I had was dh who stayed at a hotel nearby.
I don't think any of the partners were paying any attention to any of the patients.

Hope you are feeling a bit better soon

ALemonyPea · 03/04/2017 13:14

I was on a gynae ward 6 weeks ago and was lucky enough to get my own room. DH was allowed to stop with me outside visiting hours because of it, but I'd have understood him getting turfed out if I had been on a 4 bed ward, we were told this would be the case at the pre op.

Hope you're recovering well Op 💐

Helpmybrainsmelting · 03/04/2017 13:15

I'm sorry you are unwell and vulnerable at the moment. It's not unreasonable for male visitors to be on the ward, you can't really expect everyone of the opposite sex to be banned. The curtain is for privacy and I'm sure that the other people on the ward are not very interested in what's going on in your cubicle so please try to relax.

Hopefully you'll be home soon x

hazeyjane · 03/04/2017 13:17

I was in hospital for nearly 6 weeks when I had a complicated gynae/oncology problem. The hospital was 200 miles from home, and the whole thing was very scary, I was bleeding profusely and couldn't get out of bed (and continued to bleed for a further 9 months!). My dh being there when he could, just about saved my sanity. In an ideal world with pots of money, everybody in hospital who feels vulnerable would have their own private room - but this is just not possible.

ohdoadoodoo · 03/04/2017 13:19

YABU, the only person who I wanted with me when I was on the ward was my DP, and he wasn't allowed to be. It was rubbish going through it alone.

hazeyjane · 03/04/2017 13:21

ohdo - why was your dh not allowed? I am surprised that this would be the case.

SuperDandy · 03/04/2017 13:22

What if there were a trans man having a gynae procedure?

Renaissance2017 · 03/04/2017 13:24

Pssst.....I'll let you into a little secret......men are human too......

We might actually want to visit our partners when they are ill. Most of us have enough empathy to not be intrusive.

We also have the ability to hope you get better soon.