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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Men on gynae ward

415 replies

roarityroar · 03/04/2017 12:55

Yesterday I was taken into hospital after heavy bleeding. I needed a blood transfusion and then went into theatre for surgery. They ask you to keep all sanitary pads to show how much you're bleeding, which is obviously very personal and after the general anaesthetic I felt groggy and vulnerable.

There are 4 beds in this ward with curtains. Two of the other three women have their partners here. I feel pretty vulnerable as it is and given it's the gynaecology ward AIBU to really not want random non-HCP men just a curtain away when I'm bleeding from my sodding vagina?

OP posts:

Applebite · 03/04/2017 14:01

On any ward other than a labour ward, YANBU not to want anyone there outside visiting hours who isn't a patient.

I know it's controversial on the labour wards, but for me personally, I was properly fecked after a C-section, was stuck on the ward for 5 days, and was bloody glad that DP was able to stay (private rooms all full) to help me with the baby. None of the partners I saw on that ward bothered me, but my god, some of the visitors were horrifically selfish. I've mentioned it before on here, but when he popped home for a shower, one woman even pulled my curtains open - I was trying to breastfeed and was struggling as I couldn't sit up properly or anything post C-section - to take our chair (aka DP's bed!) because she "could see I wasn't using it"

user1489179512 · 03/04/2017 14:02

Oops. Wrong thread.

goodpiemissedthechips · 03/04/2017 14:03

*I wouldn't feel embarrassed about bleeding from a leg injury, I wouldn't care who saw it and I wouldn't mind if they were men or women.

Why is blood from the vagina so shameful?*

Well for starters I have been known to flash my milk bottle legs in mixed company, even on the street or in the supermarket!

I can't say the same for my vulva

Applesandpears23 · 03/04/2017 14:07

I have chosen to have my next baby in a hospital that allows men on the postnatal ward all night because of how difficult I found it last time coping with everything on my own. I think there should be choice and the hospital should try to make sure there is at least one four bed with no men allowed for those that need it.

JigglyTuff · 03/04/2017 14:08

No adult needs another adult to be there 24/7 when they're in hospital. That's what the HCPs are there for. OP - I would complain to PALS.

5moreminutes · 03/04/2017 14:08

The OP is talking about visitors there all night on a 4 bed ward.

Are people seriously reading that this is during the night and saying that a woman patient is selfish not to want to share a gyne ward with men all night ?

I assume people saying that the OP is selfish have just stopped reading threads beyond the first post and are answering on the assumption she's talking about visiting hours, otherwise MN has clearly gone stark raving mad...

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 03/04/2017 14:11

Are people seriously reading that this is during the night and saying that a woman patient is selfish not to want to share a gyne ward with men all night ?

The OP has called people selfish.

GreenPeppers · 03/04/2017 14:11

Well if gettingbsupport should t trump privacy and it's OK to have partners staying all night, the really that should be allowed on all wards.

Thats the sort of things that you hear about maternity wards don't you?

So when MIL had open hard surgery, just after coming out of intensive care, it should have been OK for her to surrounded by other people with their partners, talking, making noise, having arguments (all of which happened at visiting hours so I'm assuming would happen out of visiting hours too). These partners should be there too when one of the patients actually died on the ward. Not an issue at all.

Tbh if you say that people can have visitors during the night and out of hours, you might as well get rid of visiting hours.
And we might also as well get rid of single sex ward because if partners are staying over night, the it won't be much different than a mixed ward....

There are some good reasons why there are some visiting hours and single sex ward.
These reasons have always been seen as more important than the need for patients to get support of their partners.
Imo these reason still applies and partners (so mainly male) shouldn't be allowed to stay at night or out of visiting hours.

seafoodeatit · 03/04/2017 14:12

Morphene - I don't feel embarrassed for bleeding or similar, but I shouldn't have to have strangers look at me whilst I'm very close to naked, privacy is a personal thing that should be respected. I wouldn't have cared so much that partners were allowed if they had allowed me to subsequently keep my curtain closed, I find hospitals too hot and I was trying to establish breastfeeding, I should have been able to wear a thin gown with the top down if I wanted to without the risk of being exposed to visitors men or women.

Trifleorbust · 03/04/2017 14:12

5moreminutes:

The OP believes men shouldn't be allowed, full stop, even though her specific complaint is about visits outside visiting hours.

5moreminutes · 03/04/2017 14:14

Piglet well surely the OP is right - it is selfish to have visitors all night long on an open ward, unless you are a child and have one parent sleeping on a trundle bed...

expatinscotland · 03/04/2017 14:14

NO visitors should be there outside of hours. It's a hopsital, not a hotel.

That's nice for you, Morphene, it's pretty ridiculous to assume all people should be perfectly fine with exposing their genitals to all and sundry. Why on Earth do we have all these silly rules about obscenity and wearing clothes? Pah!

Itsjustaphase2016 · 03/04/2017 14:15

I think yabu. They won't be thinking "wow I hope I can cop a look at her fanny" or anything. Most men are normal, mature adults (many of whom will have wives and daughters themselves) who get that women have vaginas and sometimes issues arise,end of. Ive had similar surgery and tbh I didn't like anyone being so close to me except for my DH, their gender was totally insignificant!

PlayOnWurtz · 03/04/2017 14:15

Sorry but I think that's an incredibly selfish attitude to have. I would give anything to have my husband here right now. As lovely as the staff are who keep checking on me and sitting and chatting with me its not the same.

stitchglitched · 03/04/2017 14:15

YANBU. Visiting hours should be enforced. Patients need privacy and to feel safe in order to rest and recuperate. No way would I be able to sleep with a strange man only a curtain away.

5moreminutes · 03/04/2017 14:16

I don't think she does Trifle - she said "visiting hours are there for a reason".

MagnumAddict · 03/04/2017 14:16

When I'd had a section I was in a ward with three other women. One of the women objected loudly to 'strange' men being around when she was establishing breastfeeding.

I had sympathy up to a point but when she started getting irate at being told to close the curtain for privacy and saying they 'might still be able to see' I really did think do you honestly think anyone gives a fuck about catching a glance of you breastfeed when their partner has just been through serious surgery and they have a new child to worry about

I do have sympathy for you OP but I mean this is the kindest possible way, these men aren't there for kicks and won't be giving you a second look. They are there for their loved ones and if they are staying over night instead of being home in their bed it's probably because their other halfs are in a pretty serious condition

Morphene · 03/04/2017 14:19

goodpie but seeing blood which has originated in the vagina, isn't the same as showing your vagina is it?

The blood probably ends up on your legs either way.

I once had a bleed through as a teenager at school and lied that I had cut my leg, because the idea that people had seen my menstrual blood was so terrible. It's fucked up to be so ashamed of blood.

Morphene · 03/04/2017 14:20

expat Im not fine about flashing my genitals at anyone. I don't get the additional angst for it being men you flash over women.

Personally I'd rather it was all private wards.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 03/04/2017 14:21

sorry, but YABU

you can ban a gender from a ward- you just cant. and if your word any worse than ICU, than oncology, than burns ward? No

that said, get how vulnerable you feel, and sending recovery and your way

expatinscotland · 03/04/2017 14:22

It's selfish for women patients to want to sleep on a GYN ward without strange men there, to have access to medical care outside visiting hours without strange non-patients there?

I just found out a way to solve the GP access problems. Just pile everyone in one open room and the GP goes along, conveyor style, and treats each one there in the open, there'll be curtains. No more having to call people up and waste time with appointments, just roll in, roll out. I mean, hey, no one should mind about privacy, what's it matter who hears or who's there?

soapboxqueen · 03/04/2017 14:22

I'm not interested if other men are interested in what I'm doing or not. I don't want to be half dressed, bleeding and vulnerable around strange men. If that doesn't bother you, great. However, it does bother other people and they shouldn't need to justify their need for privacy.

RockyTop · 03/04/2017 14:23

Outside of visiting hours YANBU. Visiting hours arethere for a reason, of course there will always be situations where exceptions should be made, but on many wards it seems to be becoming the norm.
As for those saying use the curtains, they don't afford much privacy really, and in my local hospital they have an open curtain policy, you are not 'allowed' to close them other than during lights out hours. Many a battle have I had with nurses over that.

expatinscotland · 03/04/2017 14:23

'I don't get the additional angst for it being men you flash over women.'

Um, but the OP isn't talking about male HCPs. Those have qualifications, vetting, are trained to do the job. Someone's random partner isn't. See the difference?

Original poster

roarityroar · 03/04/2017 14:25

There is a real difference between thinking that these men are interested in me/my lack of dignity/catching a glance of my vagina or bloody pads and me wanting privacy regardless. Jesus.

And no, the staff just didn't enforce any visiting hours at all, it wasn't an emergency.

We may as well just have a party in the wards right, because vulnerable women's privacy means absolutely nothing to women who want support.

OP posts:

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