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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be hurt by my dh comment about my weight

324 replies

givemestrengthorgin · 22/03/2017 09:48

Getting ready this morning I commented to dh that he was still as slim as he was when we meet 18 years ago. He laughed and said, "well you've put on enough for both of us". While it might be true (probably about 3 stone since we met) I have carried two babies who are still young (3 and 18 months). I'm fully aware that I've put on a lot of weight and so while his comment is true it's still hurtful. When I told him I was upset by what he had said his response was, "well you have" (put on weight enough for two). Am I being too sensitive or is this a shitty thing to say even if it is true?

OP posts:
malika54 · 22/03/2017 09:50

He's a twat Flowers

LouKout · 22/03/2017 09:51

Quite shitty

moonchild77 · 22/03/2017 09:52

That's a shite thing to say.

PaulaBBB · 22/03/2017 09:52

That's a horrible thing to say to someone

WorraLiberty · 22/03/2017 09:53

That's just nasty.

And even nastier is that he reiterated it when you told him you were hurt.

MissGoggins · 22/03/2017 09:54

That is on page one of the don't be a twat handbook.

What could he have said that would have been ok? Is he usually good at accepting compliments?

MadMags · 22/03/2017 09:55

Wow. Prick.

TondelayaDellaVentamiglia · 22/03/2017 09:55

what were you looking for when you said that to him? Talk about being set up!

there's NO answer in the world that wouldn't offend. ...a simple "thanks" from him implies he cannot return the compliment, a "you too" is obviously a lie if you are 3stone up, and to say nothing at all just hangs in the air like a bad smell

Poor guy.

AliciaMayEmory · 22/03/2017 09:56

He's a dick. You are not being over sensitive at all. My DH would never comment on my weight like this. Even if it were true.

TheNaze73 · 22/03/2017 09:57

You backed him into a corner there. Not nice but, whatever he'd of said would have been wrong

WorraLiberty · 22/03/2017 09:59

A simple thanks would have been fine.

If the OP got offended by that, I'd say she was the one who was out of order.

Sallygoroundthemoon · 22/03/2017 09:59

It's shitty but obviously true so it sounds like something that bothers him. I'm sorry he was such a dick about it though.

ems137 · 22/03/2017 09:59

Erm I can think of many kinder responses than the one he used!!

He didn't even need to lie and say "so are you" he could have just said and "you look beautiful in the picture and you still do"

I think it was plain nasty tbh and my DH is hardly sensitive but even he wouldn't say something like that!

LouKout · 22/03/2017 09:59

Poor guy? Wtf

MrsChopper · 22/03/2017 10:00

That was a bit of a shitty thing to say.

Twopeapods · 22/03/2017 10:00

Horrible thing for him to say. Flowers

MadMags · 22/03/2017 10:01

Thanks would have been fine, ffs.

Poor guy! Hmm

Wishiwasmoiradingle2017 · 22/03/2017 10:01

Actually I would like my dh to point out my weight gain!! I know it needs to come off and his honesty would spur me on!!
I know he loves me regardless and he him self is a chunk (still fancy him etc no change from when we met!) but health wise being slimmer would benefit us both!
Maybe your dh loves you so much he feels he can be straight with you. .

Chloe84 · 22/03/2017 10:01

I think YABU and YANBU. It depends on the tone of his voice. Was he being judgemental or matter of fact?

Perfectly fine to have put on some weight. I would have told him he's not the one that had to carry two babies.

However, do you expect him to never mention weight? If my DH puts on weight, I worry about his heart, cholesterol etc and will mention it to him. I would expect him to do the same to me.

bigbuttons · 22/03/2017 10:02

What did you want him to say to you? Ideally he should have just thanked you for the compliment, that's true. But 3 stone is a lot of weight to have put on, babies are not an excuse.
If you are happy with your weight gain then the comment shouldn't bother you. If you are unhappy then own it and do something about it.

TisMeTheLadFromTheBar · 22/03/2017 10:03

That is fiercely insensitive.

Bluntness100 · 22/03/2017 10:03

This is a bit like "does my bum look big in this". He can't win, even saying thanks and nothing else could have been hurtful if you feel sensitive.

Yes he was insensitive, but like a lot of people, he may have thought he was just being factual.

Maybe the bigger issue is how you feel about your weight? Three stone isn't huge, but guess it depends on your starting weight.

GotToGetMyFingerOut · 22/03/2017 10:03

Well I appreciate my husband being honest about my weight because I can Los myself on and pretend it's not as bad as it was even though I was unhappy. So it helped spur me on to do something. It obviously bothers him, although maybe he shouldn't of say it so offensively by saying you had gained enough for both of you.

How do you feel about your weight open?

GotToGetMyFingerOut · 22/03/2017 10:03

Op not open

Original poster
givemestrengthorgin · 22/03/2017 10:04

Interesting that some of the responses seem to assume that I was looking for some kind of compliment back. I really wasn't...It was just a pondering comment while he was getting dressed this morning. A 'thanks' or 'I know, it's awesome' response would have gone done absolutely fine with me. We are usually not easily offended by each other but I just immediately felt hurt by his comment.

OP posts: