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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be hurt by my dh comment about my weight

324 replies

givemestrengthorgin · 22/03/2017 09:48

Getting ready this morning I commented to dh that he was still as slim as he was when we meet 18 years ago. He laughed and said, "well you've put on enough for both of us". While it might be true (probably about 3 stone since we met) I have carried two babies who are still young (3 and 18 months). I'm fully aware that I've put on a lot of weight and so while his comment is true it's still hurtful. When I told him I was upset by what he had said his response was, "well you have" (put on weight enough for two). Am I being too sensitive or is this a shitty thing to say even if it is true?

OP posts:
TheVeryThing · 22/03/2017 11:05

There was absolutely no need for him to comment on your weight.
How incredibly rude of him, where are his manners or does common courtesy not apply when it's your wife?
Would he something similar to a work colleague, or a friend?
I don't expect my dh to lie (& he doesn't) when I mention my weight gain as we both have eyes in our heads, but he always tells me he finds me sexy & reminds me that I have borne two children.

Original poster
givemestrengthorgin · 22/03/2017 11:06

That was supposed to say motivated to go out for a long run!

OP posts:
Original poster
givemestrengthorgin · 22/03/2017 11:07

*You backed him into a corner there.

She soooooo didn't*

Yeah I definitely didn't!

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 22/03/2017 11:08

Oh my, can't believe some people are defending this twat. To say it in the first place is nasty, but to repeat it again😥. What a nice parter should have said, apart from not saying in the first place, woukd be, I am sorry, I dident mean to hurt you. Your body has made and formed our beautiful babies and I will love and cherish it forever more.

GeorgiePeachie · 22/03/2017 11:09

I don't think you backed him into a corner OP. Someone said theres no response to that.
You look as slim as when we met,
Aw thank you lovely, and you're as beautiful as when we met picks cheerio out of hair.

TheVeryThing · 22/03/2017 11:09

I would focus on how rude and ill-mannered he was, rather than how hurtful you found it.
Otherwise, it's too easy for him to turn it around so it's your fault for being so sensitive.

Honeybee79 · 22/03/2017 11:10

You set him up to fail on this one op - what was he supposed to say in response? Agree he could have displayed a bit more tact though.

user1489179512 · 22/03/2017 11:10

Ok, so he can carry on making hurtful remarks with impunity? Cool.

LoveDeathPrizes · 22/03/2017 11:12

If he knew it would upset you, then yep, dickish move.

user1486562272 · 22/03/2017 11:12

Oh my, can't believe some people are defending this twat.

Aeroflot, I'd far rather have a partner who's not afraid to say something to me than one who keeps quiet and stews.

Maybe something to do with my own experience of my fella fucking someone else because I changed my appearance and he didn't like it.

Each to their own.

WorraLiberty · 22/03/2017 11:14

You set him up to fail on this one op - what was he supposed to say in response? Agree he could have displayed a bit more tact though

"Thanks love".

VeryBitchyRestingFace · 22/03/2017 11:16

I have alopecia.

If I were to say to someone, "God, you've got such beautiful hair!"

is it okay for them to respond

"Just as well one of us has cos you fucking don't!"

would that be okay?? Have I "backed someone into a corner" by complimenting their hair (something I really do notice in others)?

LouKout · 22/03/2017 11:17

User1486 you don't have to choose between rude or unfaithful.

You deserve more

MissGoggins · 22/03/2017 11:18

Come on op - do it!

You know that's why you posted about this on Mumsnet and not the other place, Hun! Wink

If he's not usually a dick, tell him he hurt you, but it has given you a kick up the arse.

From here on in tell him, "supportive comments and practical help only mr (clumsy-with-words-and-maybe-balding-we-don't-know-but-don't-go-there-its-premeditated-and-unkind) givemestrengthorgin, thank you very much!"

PinkFlamingo545 · 22/03/2017 11:18

user1486562272 - your fella didn't love you. The guy who went with someone else 'because you had changed your appearance' - that isn't why - and if you think it IS, then you don't understand love

PinkFlamingo545 · 22/03/2017 11:18

What I mean to say is that it was his passive aggressive way of blaming YOU for him being an arsehole - and you fell for it

Trifleorbust · 22/03/2017 11:18

Dick.

WorraLiberty · 22/03/2017 11:19

Aeroflot, I'd far rather have a partner who's not afraid to say something to me than one who keeps quiet and stews.

Maybe something to do with my own experience of my fella fucking someone else because I changed my appearance and he didn't like it.

Your fella fucked someone else because he's a lying, cheating wanker. Not because he didn't like the change in your appearance.

Otherwise we'd all be fucking other people once we hit middle age.

MissGoggins · 22/03/2017 11:19

Ok, so he can carry on making hurtful remarks with impunity? Cool.

Are you 5?

I would say 6 but my even my dc at 6 knows that two wrongs don't make it right. Hmm

amusedbush · 22/03/2017 11:20

I am really surprised that people are defending this shitty behaviour. Nothing OP said warranted such a fucking rude comment, and then for him to defend what he said when questioned is just horrible.

So what if the OP has gained weight? Having a gentle word with someone about their health (which, by the way, is still shite and none of their concern) is worlds apart from saying "you've gained enough for the both of us!"

The whole "backed into a corner" argument is such bullshit too.

amusedbush · 22/03/2017 11:21

what was he supposed to say in response?

Literally anything that wasn't a rude jibe about her weight.

Thefitfatty · 22/03/2017 11:22

So the Op's DH was "honest" and said she's gained weight. But too what purpose? He didn't say "You've gained weight but I love you and I'm concerned about your health, what do you need me to do to help you get healthy again." Or "You've gained weight and I don't find you attractive I'm thinking of cheating"

He just made a rude comment in response to her compliment. There was not honesty or intention, it was just fucking rude.

ravenmum · 22/03/2017 11:23

I'd far rather have a partner who's not afraid to say something to me than one who keeps quiet and stews.

I'd rather have a partner who knew that if he had to say something I might not like, he shouldn't do so flippantly and crudely in response to a compliment.

Catherinebee85 · 22/03/2017 11:32

Shitty thing to say and a shitty way to say it (especially when you told him it hurt!)

Is he insensitive generally?

TheMysteriousJackelope · 22/03/2017 11:37

That wasn't nice. It should have gone:
OP: You're still as slim as when we first met.
DH: Thank you.

If the DH is worried about the OP's weight he could have addressed it a lot more tactfully than 'you've put on enough weight for both of us'.

I got
Me: Do these trousers make my butt look the size of Kansas?
DH: No. Rhode Island, or one of the smaller states.
I am sorry to say I found that funny. At least he was implying I'd lost weight though.