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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be hurt by my dh comment about my weight

324 replies

givemestrengthorgin · 22/03/2017 09:48

Getting ready this morning I commented to dh that he was still as slim as he was when we meet 18 years ago. He laughed and said, "well you've put on enough for both of us". While it might be true (probably about 3 stone since we met) I have carried two babies who are still young (3 and 18 months). I'm fully aware that I've put on a lot of weight and so while his comment is true it's still hurtful. When I told him I was upset by what he had said his response was, "well you have" (put on weight enough for two). Am I being too sensitive or is this a shitty thing to say even if it is true?

OP posts:

Firsttimemama2017 · 22/03/2017 10:38

He really should have known better than to make sure an insensitive comment but sometimes men can be blunt without realising. I'm sure he didn't mean to hurt your feelings and is grateful for the two babies you have given him!

Dragongirl10 · 22/03/2017 10:38

Op that was hurtful and you should only ever lose weigh because YOU want to...but as you do this may be helpful..

Since mid Jan, l have lost close to 2 stone without excercise, following the Louise Parker Fit for Life plan. ( buy on Amazon) And l don't feel hungry, in fact l have lost the suger cravings that have dogged me all my life.

Since my Dcs now 9 and 10 were born I had gained 2 and a half stone, l was a slim size 10 before Dcs.( Lots of time to eat healthily and keep fit)

Nothing workedsince and whilst pretty active, l had no extra energy or time to exercise much.

This plan truly works if you follow it to the letter, and it is not hard once you have worked out what to buy and plan meals.

This is a way of life for me now, hope that is helpful and not counterproductive.

user1489179512 · 22/03/2017 10:38

OP, if your husband is balding or bald, then I would hit him right back with that fact. Give it a few days and then make another observation.

Itisnoteasybeingdifferent · 22/03/2017 10:38

My nephew was asked does my bum look big in this? He replied Chantelle, your's black. Of course you have a big arse. somehow he survived.

It is difficult. My wife was putting on weight and looking pretty bad. Her tummy rolled over her knickers, she had rolls of fat around her ribs, her face was tubby. I did not say you'r fat or you need to loose weight as I understood it would be hurtful and not actually get her to do anything. But somehow she came to the understanding by herself and did something about it.

So far she has lost over a stone (out of 9 and less than five feet tall).

WorraLiberty · 22/03/2017 10:38

@ 'straightforward asshole'

RubyWinterstorm · 22/03/2017 10:39

Well, use it to your advantage! Tell him you want to get back into shape (if you do) and you'll be going to classes every Tuesday evening and Saturday morning. Choose something fun you'd enjoy.

He will be happy to hold the fort with the kiddies, whilst you are out.

I mean, it was a bit of a dick thing to say of him, but use it to your advantage. That is, if you'd like to.

VictoriaMcdade · 22/03/2017 10:40

He's a dick.

So, how do you move on from this?

1.) whatever the rights or wrongs, use it as a spur to lose weight. If you want!

2.) talk to him. Tell him calmly how it made you feel.

3.) Also point out to him if you are responsible for the contraception in your relationship what effect that has in you hormones/ injections, having someone fannying about in your cervix, and ask him if he wants to take over with a vasectomy.

4.) ask him what he feels sensitive about. Does he still have his all his hair? Is he going grey? Is he as fit as he was 10 years ago? Then ask him how he would feel if you told him 'at least I'm not going bald...'

5.) get him to think about your two lovely DCs. His contribution to the biology of making them was what? Two minutes (you could be harsh here) You grew them inside you for 9 months. He should be in awe of you that you produced them.

Tell him to Fuck off.

user1486562272 · 22/03/2017 10:41

Some men are very straight forward and indeed quite a few will seek sex on the side if their wives get fat. It might be a good idea to lose the 3 stone actually!

Well tiger, tell that to my ex partner who sought out a bigger woman and fucked her behind my back once I'd lost the 6 stone I needed to.....

WorraLiberty · 22/03/2017 10:42

OP, if your husband is balding or bald, then I would hit him right back with that fact. Give it a few days and then make another observation

See I wouldn't, because apart from the fact getting into a playground squabble helps no-one, he can't exactly go on a diet and exercise his hair-loss back on his head, can he?

squishee · 22/03/2017 10:42

Some men are very straight forward and indeed quite a few will seek sex on the side if their wives get fat. It might be a good idea to lose the 3 stone actually!

Is it 1950?

bigbuttons · 22/03/2017 10:46

OP, if your husband is balding or bald, then I would hit him right back with that fact.
What a stupid observation. You can do something about eating too much food and not moving enough. Being overweight is within your control , going bald is not.

Thefitfatty · 22/03/2017 10:47

I'd have responded "True, but I'm still sexier than you and now there's more of me to love."

But DH and I rib each other like that all the time and I know not to take him seriously (or vice versa).

Timeforteaplease · 22/03/2017 10:47

Depends on the way your relationship works. In our house a spade is called a spade - one of us may comment on our weight and the other is free to say whatever they want. If I asked 'does my bum look big in this?' my DH would reply honestly, not tell me I looked fab if I didn't. No point in taking offence at the truth.
But I know everyone doesn't do that - other couples may tiptoe around each others feelings more.
So how does your relationship normally work? - do you expect your DH to avoid issues you feel sensitive about?

HelenaGWells · 22/03/2017 10:48

what were you looking for when you said that to him? Talk about being set up!

How about "thanks" or "and you are still as beautiful as when we met" or any number of other things that don't belittle the OP.

He is an ass for saying it and even more of one for repeating it when called on it.

user1489179512 · 22/03/2017 10:48

WorraLiberty

OP, if your husband is balding or bald, then I would hit him right back with that fact. Give it a few days and then make another observation

See I wouldn't, because apart from the fact getting into a playground squabble helps no-one, he can't exactly go on a diet and exercise his hair-loss back on his head, can he?

It will give him a good idea of how much his personal comment hurt, no? And anyway, he can go get himself a hair transplant.

MissGoggins · 22/03/2017 10:52

user1489179512 I think that is a terrible comparison. Akin to suggesting the op gets liposuction. Not a pleasant path to walk down.

Healthy lifestyle choice and so long as there is no medical condition we don't know about op can get back in control.

WorraLiberty · 22/03/2017 10:53

It will give him a good idea of how much his personal comment hurt, no? And anyway, he can go get himself a hair transplant.

And the OP can go and get herself a gastric band but that's hardly the point is it?

ravenmum · 22/03/2017 10:54

You give him a compliment and he comes right back at you with a jibe about your weight? Then won't even admit that's not a suitable reaction to a compliment? Shitty.

Original poster

givemestrengthorgin · 22/03/2017 10:55

timefortea our house sounds like yours in that we are usually pretty upfront, neither of us are particularly sensitive about stuff. I think the difference this morning was that the comment just seemed a bit mean which is what makes it different from other comments we have exchanged about weight, usually quite openly.

OP posts:

Timeforteaplease · 22/03/2017 10:57

If he has hurt you, better to tell him what he has done rather than start hurting him back to teach him a lesson. I would assume that your DH loves you and did not intentionally hurt your feelings.
Amazed at how many people think the best way to handle this is to go on the attack.

pointstaken · 22/03/2017 10:58

It will give him a good idea of how much his personal comment hurt, no?

or you could just tell him that his comment hurt, instead of creating so much drama and starting a fight.

Original poster

givemestrengthorgin · 22/03/2017 11:01

I agree, I have no intention of retaliating by laying in to him about something he isn't happy about with himself but at the same time if he upsets me I would rather he knew I was upset.
He is a good guy but does have form for not having the best way with words .

OP posts:

nakedscientist · 22/03/2017 11:01

indeed quite a few [men] will seek sex on the side if their wives get fat. It might be a good idea to lose the 3 stone actually!

Well if they are that shallow, get the divorce papers ready!

Original poster

givemestrengthorgin · 22/03/2017 11:03

Missgoggins you're making me feel all Rocky like and motivated to go out for that long

OP posts:

VeryBitchyRestingFace · 22/03/2017 11:04

You backed him into a corner there.

She soooooo didn't.

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