To be hurt by my dh comment about my weight

[givemestrengthorgin]

Getting ready this morning I commented to dh that he was still as slim as he was when we meet 18 years ago. He laughed and said, "well you've put on enough for both of us". While it might be true (probably about 3 stone since we met) I have carried two babies who are still young (3 and 18 months). I'm fully aware that I've put on a lot of weight and so while his comment is true it's still hurtful. When I told him I was upset by what he had said his response was, "well you have" (put on weight enough for two). Am I being too sensitive or is this a shitty thing to say even if it is true?

Worraliberty and PinkFlamingo,

some guys prefer big girls, that's the middle and both ends.

If I'd restyled my hair or bought new make up I'd accept your comments. But I lost 6 stone and he didn't find a size 12 woman attractive.

And Pink, please don't insult my intelligence. I know that he loved me for years, and when and why he stopped.

I should also say I know it's not my fault, I'm no victim and it's his loss! I did it for me, not him.

Haha this is something my husband would say to me !!! I'm 6 months pregnant at the moment and he's already reminding that I need to go on a diet and exercise after the baby is born ,,,, i know it's true but it's still hurtful to know he looks at me like that ! Funny thing is it makes me eat more not less 😬

Mrs5boys

He's "reminding" you that you'll need to lose weight when the baby is born? that sounds bloody horrible.

At the end of the day OP, you can lose the weight if that's what you wish to do. It's far more difficult (in some cases impossible) to lose a nasty attitude.

You weren't asking him to pass comment on your weight, you merely commented on his not changing. So him coming back with a dig at yours was uncalled for and unnecessary.

Canshopwillshop - might be for him though is what I was trying to say. Maybe he thought he was making a joke (but obviously the original poster did not take it as such).

Did he at least follow up with

Your gorgeous and I love you

If I'd restyled my hair or bought new make up I'd accept your comments. But I lost 6 stone and he didn't find a size 12 woman attractive.

So he should have ended the relationship.

But he didn't. Hence the reason he cheated on you, not because your appearance changed, but because he's a cheating cunt.

Do you see the difference?

Worral Sounds like he had his own issues. Could it be he didn't find you attractive once you had more body confidence?

Sorry Worral wrong poster!

What is all this with associating 'gorgeous' hate that word it sounds so fake and love?

While lusting someone is to do with aesthetics, love is something much stronger than how we look physically. Love also forgives the odd verbal fart.

Lust is great, enjoyable (very good for weight loss too ), but love is what holds the relationship together through the rough and the smooth.

It was really insensitive but what bothers me more is that when you said it upset you, he didn't say sorry or try to make you feel better. That's not great behaviour from someone who's supposed to love you.

Mean

Do you see the difference?

Yes I do Worra. He has a penis.

Anyway worra/love this isn't my thread so let's stop there shall we?

He's very insensitive, isn't he.

Maybe knowing how rude he is, true as it is, may make him think again.

user1486562272 that isn't right to say.

Pretty mean IMO, YANBU, especially considering that with two young children it's very difficult to prioritise yourself and skip off to a step class whenever you fancy and focus energy on your diet.

I've got weight I'd like to lose and have been talking to my DH about when he can look after our DD so I can exercise. I'm quite looking forward to the opportunity to do something just for myself.

It wasn't a very nice thing to say whether there's any truth in it or not. If I were you I'd not be complimenting him on his appearance anymore if this is the response you get.

Missgoggins I'm not talking about the Op's DH if that's what you think.

I am sorry, I dident mean to hurt you. Your body has made and formed our beautiful babies and I will love and cherish it forever more.

Wouldn't have bothered me in the slightest, but that's the way me and DH are - we can't really judge your DHs behaviour when we don't know him or how you work together, he could have been "off" for him but you could equally have been over sensitive

user1486562272 No I think you are blaming your ex's cunty behaviour on his penis instead of his cuntishness.

Having a penis doesn't make you cheat. If you think that he really did a number on you.

He didn't cheat because he has a penis. He cheated because he is a cheating scumbag.

All the people defending him, are you really saying that the appropriate response to a compliment is to insult the person paying it?
Really?
So if I admire my colleague's dress, I should not be offended if she replies, with 'at least one of us has got good taste', or 'well, your blouse is bloody awful'?
Recently my dh was comlaining about extra weight on his stomach, and I said that at least it wasn't anything as bad as mine. He just reminded me that he hadn't carried two babies and we laughed & both agreed to blame ds2. No false compliments necessary & no hurt feelings.

But the difference is that I had brought up the subject of my excess weight and he didn't feel the need to be rude to me.

I think that's totally out of line and I would be kicking his ass around the block!

I sometimes wonder if such a degree of focus on the physical strips out other parts of the relationship. Surely, in an ideal world, you would be the perfect match on so much more than the physical that outward appearance would come to be kind of irrelevant? (In the sense that the visual kind of vanishes into something much bigger when sex is great, and into something less significant when you have a meeting of minds and outlooks).

Indeed MissGoggins