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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be jealous of my DD future MIL

252 replies

birdladyfromhomealone · 16/03/2017 18:46

Will try to be brief but not drip feed as I know that's a MN no no!
My DD has always had a good relationship with her future MIL.
Her soon to be DH has always been a bit of a mummies boy and his Mother is pretty much involved in every aspect of their lives.
They live nearer her, she dog sits for them, does their hair, chooses their furnishings for their home etc
They are getting married this summer at a VERY expensive Wedding Venue.
There have only been 38 weddings here as it is so exclusive.
It was my influence for this venue and we are paying for the Wedding.
When my DS got married we were no more than guests at his wedding as his MIL and bride arranged everything (and paid) and everything was a secret except for the date and venue.
My DD was very put out about it as was I, as I felt very hurt. We did give him a fantastic honeymoon and paid for the photographer/videographer and Band.
At the time my DD and future Son in law said it was outrageous how we had been left out of the planning and excitement and they wouldn't do that to their DM/MIL
Now its my DD turn and instead of being excited about her wedding I feel pushed out by the MIL.
I am paying for the wedding and the MIL paid for her sons suit and some money towards a honeymoon.
She has been involved in Everything. Wedding dress shopping, bridesmaid shopping, suit shopping. she keeps going on about her favourite flowers, she has bought a card box, made tiaras for the bride and bridesmaids and NOW today I have heard she wants to visit the venue to talk through the planning and look at how it can be decorated.
My DD thinks IABU because I think she is taking over?

OP posts:
Original poster
birdladyfromhomealone · 16/03/2017 18:46

Will be back later with my flame proof hat on :)

OP posts:
MaidOfStars · 16/03/2017 18:48

Were you not invited for wedding dress shopping?

Astro55 · 16/03/2017 18:49

How are you involved besides paying? Are you also Fred shopping etc?

Sounds like MIL is over excited!!

Why not have a chat wirhDD about it all?

wizzywig · 16/03/2017 18:51

Yeah id be put out but weddings can do funny things to people. Its her sons wedding too.

MadMags · 16/03/2017 18:51

Were you not involved in the dress shopping etc?

NavyandWhite · 16/03/2017 18:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
birdladyfromhomealone · 16/03/2017 18:51

Yes I went shopping as I had the credit card!!!
But the MIL has her opinion on everything and my DD never tells her its my Mum and I's decision!

OP posts:
Chloe84 · 16/03/2017 18:51

I would suddenly develop some financial problems.

Your DD sounds ungrateful and MIL needs to wind her neck in.

YANBU.

Babbaganush · 16/03/2017 18:51

Do you mean that your dd has excluded you from all these things or that youa re upset that she is including MIL too.

wizzywig · 16/03/2017 18:51

astro i never had a fred when i got married. I think i missed out on something

LoriD · 16/03/2017 18:52

If I was in your shoes I would be really upset at feeing pushed out especially since your paying for the venue I think you need to speak up more as it sounds like you've let it go for long enough.

Do you want a closer relationship with your daughter or is this mil relationship making you jealous

MaidOfStars · 16/03/2017 18:52

my DD never tells her its my Mum and I's decision
I don't blame her. It's not.

Original poster
birdladyfromhomealone · 16/03/2017 18:52

Everything has been her choice so far but me picking up the tab!

OP posts:
NavyandWhite · 16/03/2017 18:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

katienana · 16/03/2017 18:53

Hmmm I think it's how your dd feels about it that's important, don't b let this special time be ruined by you falling out over this.
Is there something you can do with your dd just the 2 of you, shopping for your outfit maybe? Just make sure you get an enormous MOB worthy hat!

MaidOfStars · 16/03/2017 18:54

Navy My comment was more aimed at the slightly screwy thinking of OP (IMO).

BarbarianMum · 16/03/2017 18:54

Honestly, it should be your dd' s decision. Not yours, not your MiL's. What was stopping you giving an opinion?

harderandharder2breathe · 16/03/2017 18:54

If it doesn't bother your DD then Yabu as it's her day with her husband

Ifit bothers her then she needs to speak up. Coming from you it will never sound good

Notonthestairs · 16/03/2017 18:55

Have you spoken about how you feel to your DD? Do you get any time alone with your DD?

VictoriaMcdade · 16/03/2017 18:55

Stop paying then!

Or at least talk to your daughter and tell her how you feel.

MaidOfStars · 16/03/2017 18:55

MIL sounds very creative/crafty? Is it not a really good use of her skills?

Are the tiaras nice?

pasturesgreen · 16/03/2017 18:55

She made tiaras?!

For that alone, YANBU! She should back off a lot bit.

Underthemoonlight · 16/03/2017 18:55

Does her mil have any daughters or just sons? My mil wasn't remotely bothered or interested in my wedding planning never attended dress fittings didn't help out etc she just showed up but she has daughters and we don't have that type of relationship.

My sil however is close to her future mil and I would imagine she would be involved if they decided to get married in the preparations, although I would imagine her mother (my mil) would be annoyed to as she gets pissed off with her involvement in her daughters child and resentments there from being excluded even though she isn't sad thing about it is she excludes herself from her other grandchildrens lives and makes zero effort.

I think you've got to get involved yourself take the time to get to know her and enjoy it. Don't cut off your nose to spite your face you will one day share grandchildren.

MadMags · 16/03/2017 18:56

Hang on; so you're annoyed that she won't exclude mil??

What's been said to make you think you were only there for your credit card?

Bluntness100 · 16/03/2017 18:56

I don t really understand, so you were also involved in all these things. Are you saying as you are paying for the wedding she should not be involved or she should be involved and not be permitted a decision.

I also don't perceive why you think it's your or even partly your decision. Surely it's 100 percent your daughter and her partners decision as long as it's within budget?