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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want to get a room?

158 replies

Splashingincuddles · 27/02/2017 18:15

I have a 10-day-old DD and am EBF, as I did for 9 months with DS. I have so far been out and fed in public 3 times - a leisure centre, a hospital waiting room and a soft play. In two of these places I was asked if I was 'ok' or if I wanted to use a room. I get that people are trying to be kind and thoughtful but I'm comfortable feeding anywhere (and feel it's important to do so to normalise breastfeeding.) By asking me if I want a room more attention is drawn to the fact I'm feeding - people turned and looked today when previously they probably hadn't even noticed. I also need to actually be present to supervise my DS - it's no good squirrelling myself away alone in a private room when my 2 year old is running around a soft play centre!

AIBU to be happy to breastfeed in public without feeling that staff want me hidden away?

OP posts:
Moanyoldcow · 27/02/2017 18:25

I think that provided there was no pressure on you to use a room then it's just a nice gesture to ensure you are comfortable. I think some people find it difficult in public and the knowledge there's a room would be nice but there is no reason you should breastfeed in private if you don't want to.

Justmuddlingalong · 27/02/2017 18:26

YABalittlebitU. I think you were offered privacy, rather than being hidden away. You've already had experience of breastfeeding in public with DS, so it's old hat to you. Not everyone has that experience and level of comfort. I think the staff were being kind.

abbsisspartacus · 27/02/2017 18:28

They weren't trying to force you to hide they were trying to be considerate

barinatxe · 27/02/2017 18:30

You're unreasonable to be annoyed that people are showing you consideration. You're free to breastfeed publicly but not everyone is as comfortable as you. Some people are nervous about doing it, and would love it if they were asked.

Just say "no thanks" and get on with it.

OuchBollocks · 27/02/2017 18:33

YAB a bit U. If there was no pressure then they were just trying to be nice. When DD was little I fed her on a bench in a shopping centre and a couple of people suggested I go to the baby room. I found out later that the baby rooms have proper sofas and tvs (albeit showing Cbeebees) and I would have been a lot more comfortable there than on a hard bench, at the time I just assumed they wanted me out of sight.

melj1213 · 27/02/2017 18:34

YABU

It would be one thing if they were trying to force you to go into another room, but they weren't. They were trying to be considerate by ensuring you knew that there was the option to use a seperate room if you wanted to. '

They are not being unreasonable to inform patrons of the facilities they may not be aware were available to them.

DeanTavalouris · 27/02/2017 18:38

I'm going to go a bit against the grain here. I think if you had needed a private room you would surely have asked for it. Would they have asked someone bottle feeding the same? It just perpetuates the idea that it's something to possible feel uncomfortable about.

PenguinDi · 27/02/2017 18:38

I will always offer a private space at work for a breastfeeding mother if she needs to feed her child, I have no problem with breastfeeding and most times she will say no or has a shawl for modesty but the offer is never met with anger or upset. I think what most people get upset about is the whole "flop the boob out and get squirting" and make a big play about feeding the baby.

Original poster
Splashingincuddles · 27/02/2017 18:45

Yes you're right - I hadn't thought of it from the perspective of a nervous first-time feeder. I did just say 'no thanks'. I know they were trying to be considerate.

OP posts:
ZZZZ1111 · 27/02/2017 18:49

OP I agree, whenever I've been offered a room (once at a hospital, and at my parents' house) it makes me feel more self conscious about it, and maybe a little like they disapprove of public feeding.

Original poster
Splashingincuddles · 27/02/2017 18:50

That's what I was getting at DeanTavalouris - there were many bottle feeding parents in soft play today, but I was the only one spoken to. BF should be seen as normal, and it's not. It just makes it all the more difficult for a nervous first-time feeder to feel comfortable if staff point out that perhaps you're not comfortable.

OP posts:
Ilovetorrentialrain · 27/02/2017 19:00

I think you do the right thing OP, just saying 'no thank you' but I do see your point completely. Some people are still a bit flustered at the sight of a mum breastfeeding.

One day, surely (I hope) , it will become hardly commented upon.

Sparklingbrook · 27/02/2017 19:03

YABU

I never breastfed in public and would have loved to be offered a room. Not sure about how I would have sorted the 2 year old in that scenario though.

Juveniledelinquent · 27/02/2017 19:08

BF is entirely natural and normal. I applaud you OP for breastfeeding in public. BF should be seen as the normal way of a baby having their dinner. You wouldn't expect to be offered a private room if you were eating your dinner.

NotYoda · 27/02/2017 19:09

I thought this was going to be about public snogging

In which case, I would have said you should definitely get a room

andontothenext · 27/02/2017 19:09

Jeez here we go again

RedSauce · 27/02/2017 19:09

By asking me if I want a room more attention is drawn to the fact I'm feeding

If you're passionate about normalising public breastfeeding, then that's a good thing, right? Grin

Sparklingbrook · 27/02/2017 19:11

If something is normal it doesn't require applause surely. Confused

Juveniledelinquent · 27/02/2017 19:14

If something is normal it doesn't require applause surely

Unfortunately it does. Our BF rates in this country are something to be ashamed of.

Sparklingbrook · 27/02/2017 19:15

I don't think people should BF in public if they don't want to.

Megatherium · 27/02/2017 19:15

It does seem a bit daft to ask that of someone who has clearly brought a toddler to the centre to play and obviously wouldn't have done that only to sit in a room and cope with him whinging about how bored he is.. And they do need to explain how come they didn't make the same kind offer to the bottle feeders.

Welshmamma · 27/02/2017 19:19

I ready fed my three until they were almost one and never felt any reason to not do that wherever they needed feeding. I didn't feel uncomfortable and developed some amazing ways of covering my modesty with muslin cloth. Grin However my friend who has breast fed both of hers always asks for a private area as she feels she is on display. She isn't but she is more conscious than I was.
I guess we are all different and they were just making sure you were comfortable x

StarOnTheTree · 27/02/2017 19:26

I breastfed my 3 DC discretely anywhere and everywhere and it was only with DD3 that it was mentioned at all. Same scenario as you OP, first at the GP surgery and then at a small waiting area at the hospital (whilst waiting for my sister to finish work there) Both times I was asked if I'd like to use a room to feed the baby. I declined politely and thought no more about it except that they were just being considerate. Then my sister told me that her colleague thought I was completely out of order and I shouldn't breast feed in public like that. The waiting room was empty Shock

AprilTheGiraffe · 27/02/2017 19:27

Oh come off it. We all know why the same offer isn't made to the bottle feeders. People saying otherwise are being facetious.

Some people might be uncomfortable breast feeding in public for obvious reasons. The only thing uncomfortable about bottle feeding - and I say this as an exclusive formula feeder myself - is the occasional disapproving look (and those places that refuse to allow you the means to heat a bottle).

If I had been offered a room with a sofa and a tv, I'd have jumped at it. I'm a lazy cow who loves to get her feet up. But there was no need for it as I was formula feeding and therefore privacy was not required. I would never have expected it in a million years.

NotYoda · 27/02/2017 19:29

I think it's OK to make someone aware that there is a room. Maybe that's all they were doing

OTOH I can see why you didn't want to use it.

If you are OK feeding in public then I guess you are OK feeding in public - did you really care that people's attention was drawn to it?