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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not want to get a room?

158 replies

Splashingincuddles · 27/02/2017 18:15

I have a 10-day-old DD and am EBF, as I did for 9 months with DS. I have so far been out and fed in public 3 times - a leisure centre, a hospital waiting room and a soft play. In two of these places I was asked if I was 'ok' or if I wanted to use a room. I get that people are trying to be kind and thoughtful but I'm comfortable feeding anywhere (and feel it's important to do so to normalise breastfeeding.) By asking me if I want a room more attention is drawn to the fact I'm feeding - people turned and looked today when previously they probably hadn't even noticed. I also need to actually be present to supervise my DS - it's no good squirrelling myself away alone in a private room when my 2 year old is running around a soft play centre!

AIBU to be happy to breastfeed in public without feeling that staff want me hidden away?

OP posts:

fruitpastille · 28/02/2017 00:09

I was offered a private area to bf by my health visitor at the weighing clinic on one occasion. I'm confident that this was not due to their discomfort...

StinkyVonWinky · 28/02/2017 00:43

Aye, did you ask if there was a room you could use to bf in? I felt like that in my Doctor's surgery (where everyone is eyeing each other up anyway to work out exactly how contagious they are), and there was a room to use, once I asked.

Historygirl97 · 28/02/2017 01:02

I would say YABU. They were just trying to be considerate. A lot of people feel comfortable feeding in private spaces when out so I imagine they were just letting you know in case you'd prefer to use it.
Well done for BF though

Italiangreyhound · 28/02/2017 01:34

YANBU. You should be perfectly able to feed wherever you are.

Seriously who did the staff think would look after your son while you went to a private room. Where you at the soft play with a friend, that makes a little bit more sense.

Bascially people don't want to risk seeing a female breast unless it is blazed on a newspaper page or the internet. The idea of a real life present women using her breast to feed her baby seems to cause some people to have 'issues'!

PenguinDi "I think what most people get upset about is the whole "flop the boob out and get squirting" and make a big play about feeding the baby."

I have no idea where you have got this odd caricature from but I breast fed for a year and never did this, nor have I ever seen anyone do it, despite being around a lot of women breastfeeding at different times. And anyone who did this would find it pretty unproductive as babies feed by latching on and not having milk squirted at them!

Italiangreyhound · 28/02/2017 01:56

Totally agree with ArriettyClock "I would suspect the motive was more that they were uncomfortable with you breastfeeding. I was happy to breastfeed anywhere. A member of staff offering me a room, would have made me feel slightly like I was doing something wrong"

and Cel982 "...approaching a woman who is comfortably breastfeeding and suggesting she may like to go elsewhere is sending the wrong message about the acceptability of public breastfeeding."

This is all making me nostalgic, my breast feeding days are over!

I fed best lying down, do you think that room had a bed in it!

www.madeformums.com/baby/breastfeeding-in-public-what-rights-do-you-have/30468.html

They could have a sign up to say, we have a room for use by women breast feeding.

To be fair we do not know this was a nice room with a sofa and a tv. It might have been a tiny cramped back room next to the loos!

Plus the more times people feel they have to hid away to feed then the more future mums may feel it is not appropriate or comfortable to do it in public. I think if you want a private room then ask for one. (I was never offered one.)

Why are people assuming the OP was 'off' with anyone? She did not say that.

YouCanStandMeUpSpartacus · 28/02/2017 02:15

YANBU. When I was breastfeeding, there were a couple of times when I was asked if I was "ok" or if I would like to use [other place]. The question always felt disapproving and strongly implied that there was something not "ok" about what I was doing and where I was doing it. I found it embarrassing and anxiety provoking. I just wanted to be left in peace.

Fair enough, have a private room available, but don't suggest to someone happily feeding already that she should use it. If we need or want a quiet room we can ask.

Trifleorbust · 28/02/2017 05:37

hink what most people get upset about is the whole "flop the boob out and get squirting" and make a big play about feeding the baby.

Why the belittling language? If my boob flops, it's because it is large and full of milk to feed my baby. Do I need to be body shamed for not having tiny little breasts like I did when I was 16?

Littlefoxy · 28/02/2017 06:01

For every person who feels like you there's another person who'd appreciate the offer, so just a no thanks is all thats needed. I'd nearly always opt for the private room & I don't think that's implying that bf isn't natural or that it's something to be ashamed of. It's personal preference. Feeding my baby is really hard to do discreetly because she's quite fussy about how i position her. I don't want my breasts on display & if I'm feeding in public (which I need to do daily) the only other option is a scarf which gets hot & awkward. It's also stressful when she won't latch. Having a room takes the pressure off on a bad day. Isnt it possible the person who asked might have been trying to show support?

Nomoreworkathome · 28/02/2017 06:02

YABU
You are making a big deal out of nothing. Just say 'No thank you' if it is that much of an issue.

JigglyTuff · 28/02/2017 06:09

Surely if you were uncomfortable feeding in public, you'd ask for a room.

YANBU OP - they wanted you to hide away

AntiqueSinger · 28/02/2017 06:16

YANBU the suggestion of a private room, while well-intentioned is reinforcing the perception that it is somehow indecent to feed in public. I have only experienced this stupid mentality in the UK. Went to Italy last year. No one has issues with women feeding in public. I am so glad you refused. Well done.

Sundance01 · 28/02/2017 06:18

It all depends how it was said. If it was a 'just to let you know we have a room if you would prefer to use it' then YABU

If it was in a patronising 'are you OK? We have a room you can use' and as a poor breast feeding mum you must feel uncomfortable and be too weak and feeble to ask kinda way
YANBU

Everything has a context

atheistmantis · 28/02/2017 06:21

I'm with sparklingbrook, it's great that a room is there if you want it and great that they are trying to help. Personally I didn't used a room once I'd got used to it but then I got good at feeding my dcs without showing any skin.

sashh · 28/02/2017 06:39

One hospital I worked at a small room was created as a baby change area as there was none elsewhere. An arm chair and toddler toys along with nice wallpaper and curtains were provided for someone such as yourself, where it isn't easy to supervise a toddler as they may run off.

Although it was advertised not many people asked for it, you have better things to do when visiting a hospital with a baby and a toddler so we used to ask.

It was absolutely fine to breastfeed in the waiting area, but I'm sure it would be more comfortable in an arm chair.

Sparklingbrook · 28/02/2017 06:46

I am so glad mine are now teens and I don't have to worry myself over all this now.

Back in 1999 if I had been offered a room a few times it would have been very nice. Things must have changed.

I do remember a huge Boots store that had a little room with armchairs and bottle warmers welcoming to BF and FF parents. I thought it was lovely. How little I knew.

SoupDragon · 28/02/2017 07:02

I think what most people get upset about is the whole "flop the boob out and get squirting" and make a big play about feeding the baby

What I get upset about is people who make twattish comments like this.

As far as the OP, goes, I'm struggling to see the problem. They offered a room, you didn't use it and... um, nothing happened.

JigglyTuff · 28/02/2017 07:04

Sparkling - why are you making this all about the fact that you didn't like feeding in public?

The OP has no problem with it. Someone coming over to her and suggesting that she might want to shut herself away is implying that she also feel uncomfortable. She shouldn't.

If women want to feed in a (IME dank smelly hot uncomfortable) room, they should be - as adults - perfectly capable of asking for it.

How you're supposed to supervise a toddler when you're locked in another room is beyond me too

SoupDragon · 28/02/2017 07:10

The OP has no problem with it. Someone coming over to her and suggesting that she might want to shut herself away is implying that she also feel uncomfortable.

No, it's just letting her know there is a roomshojld she want one. No one insisted she use it.

If women want to feed in a (IME dank smelly hot uncomfortable) room, they should be - as adults - perfectly capable of asking for it.

Not necessarily at all because the woman who are likely to feel uncomfortable feeding in public are also the ones who are likely to have shyness issues in general.

How you're supposed to supervise a toddler when you're locked in another room is beyond me too

I imagine that the person offering had no idea she was alone with a toddler as well as a baby. She could have been with friends or family.

SoupDragon · 28/02/2017 07:11

With my first, I would have fed in public but would have been quietly dying of embarrassment inside.

Bumblebiscuits · 28/02/2017 07:13

Yanbu.Id have absolutely hated this. I didn't mind breastfeeding in public but didn't want people to draw attention to it. Probably because of the 'flop the boob out' brigade. Agree that they should have better signage and offer it to all feeding mothers.

Also agree that I absolutely hated being shut away in some horrible old room by myself - breastfeeding for me took ages. I'd have spent half my life stuck in a room!

Sparklingbrook · 28/02/2017 07:14

Sparkling - why are you making this all about the fact that you didn't like feeding in public?

I thought it was AIBU and other people's views other than the OPs were allowed. I am not making it 'all about' anything.

Not sure about being 'locked in' I wouldn't have liked that.

WateryTart · 28/02/2017 07:17

I would have loved to be offered a room when I was breastfeeding. A room would have been much quieter and DS2 was very easily distracted.

wettunwindee · 28/02/2017 07:19

and feel it's important to do so to normalise breastfeeding

At least you admit you're on some kind of crusade as opposed to just getting on with feeding your baby.

You're BU.

JigglyTuff · 28/02/2017 07:37

If you wanted a room to breastfeed in, why wouldn't you simply ask? You wouldn't wet your pants rather than ask if there was a loo you could use would you?

How bizarre

JigglyTuff · 28/02/2017 07:38

Well, I presume you wouldn't. Perhaps if you're so terminally shy you're unable to ask if there's somewhere quiet to feed the baby, you wouldn't dare confess publicly that you need a wee either.

It's a miracle some of you managed to give birth

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