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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want to get a room?

158 replies

Splashingincuddles · 27/02/2017 18:15

I have a 10-day-old DD and am EBF, as I did for 9 months with DS. I have so far been out and fed in public 3 times - a leisure centre, a hospital waiting room and a soft play. In two of these places I was asked if I was 'ok' or if I wanted to use a room. I get that people are trying to be kind and thoughtful but I'm comfortable feeding anywhere (and feel it's important to do so to normalise breastfeeding.) By asking me if I want a room more attention is drawn to the fact I'm feeding - people turned and looked today when previously they probably hadn't even noticed. I also need to actually be present to supervise my DS - it's no good squirrelling myself away alone in a private room when my 2 year old is running around a soft play centre!

AIBU to be happy to breastfeed in public without feeling that staff want me hidden away?

OP posts:
Megatherium · 27/02/2017 19:31

If I had been offered a room with a sofa and a tv, I'd have jumped at it. I'm a lazy cow who loves to get her feet up

Well, exactly. If I were bottle feeding I likewise might have opted for a separate room for that reason, or because I just fancied a bit of peace and quiet. Logically therefore if the owners are that concerned about the welfare of mothers, they should make the same offer to bottle feeders as breast feeders.

StinkyVonWinky · 27/02/2017 19:34

YANBU, I was thinking exactly the same thing earlier today! People should just leave us to to get on with it. Whenever I feed my DS at nursery on pick up or drop off, they always ask if I want to go and hide away somewhere, just in case the one male nursery worker pops in to the room. My response is always a cheerful 'no thanks, I'm fine,' and carry on.

andonto yes, here we go again, because breastfeeding in public is totally natural, normal and legal, but a lot of people can't seem to get their head round that.

Gwenhwyfar · 27/02/2017 19:35

I remember going into the office of a new father to meet his baby that his wife had brought in. She was feeding so was facing away from us and seemed quite embarrassed. It wasn't us who were making her feel awkward, it was coming fro her so I can see how people think they're being helpful by offering you a room.

Astoria7974 · 27/02/2017 19:37

Some mums like having a bit of privacy for feeding. I know my sister did - so surely if you have a room available for breastfeeding you would offer it?

JaniceBattersby · 27/02/2017 19:37

Blimey. I've fed four babies during the past six years (not all at the same time) and I've never been offered a room. I did get offered a glass of water once, which was nice.

Rustler74 · 27/02/2017 19:39

YANBU
Just tell them no thanks but I understand your frustration particularly in your situation when overseeing another child.
There's nothing to 'come off it'... if you were to ask for a room or whether they have a dedicated space for bf, then that is your choice, but if you're happy bf where you are, I'd say they need to leave you alone.
Thank you for setting a good example. It will be my turn soon x

Original poster
Splashingincuddles · 27/02/2017 19:41

It doesn't bother me that attention was drawn to me, but I'm aware that, rightly or wrongly, it may have bothered some of those whose attention was drawn. I don't want to make anyone feel uncomfortable, whatever their opinion, which is why I feed discretely.

OP posts:
StinkyVonWinky · 27/02/2017 19:42

Janice I had a similar thing to you - cafe owner spot that I was bf outside the cafe (hot summer's day) and she made a point of bringing me out a glass of water which she very discretely left on the table and said 'in case you're thirsty'. That's the kind of support which normalises breastfeeding, not offering to hide it away.

NotYoda · 27/02/2017 19:42

Rustler

Are you pg?
I hope you it works out for you
But if it doesn't, hopefully no-one will think you aren't setting a good example

WorraLiberty · 27/02/2017 19:42

YABVU

Offering hospitality to people, does not mean they want them hidden away.

I'm also not sure why you're worried their question drew more attention to the fact you were breastfeeding.

Why does that matter to you?

NotYoda · 27/02/2017 19:43

... by 'it' i meant breastfeeding

WorraLiberty · 27/02/2017 19:44

So basically you are bothered about the feelings of other people, who might have realised you were breastfeeding?

Therefore, it's probably a good thing that they offer rooms to those who might want them, I mean if you worry about making others uncomfortable.

pigsknickers · 27/02/2017 19:46

flop the boob out and get squirting - seriously, Penguin? You're a bit disgusted by breastfeeding aren't you? There really isn't any squirting or flopping involved. For fuck's sake.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 27/02/2017 19:46

YABU

I also hated breastfeeding in public. I would have loved someone considerate enough to go out of their way to offer a private place to do it.

YreallyarebeingVVU.

If your attitude was off with them about it, they'll have second thoughts asking the next shy breastfeeder who'd bite their hand off for private breastfeeding opportunity.

NotYoda · 27/02/2017 19:48

ThroughThickandThin

That's a good point

StatisticallyChallenged · 27/02/2017 19:50

You are happy to feed in public. Great, Good on you.

But many women aren't; some feel very self conscious, some have ultra wriggly babies who like to pop off randomly and leave them fully exposed, others are new/first time, maybe struggling with latch...there are a whole host of reasons why a woman might feel less than comfortable feeding in public.

So long as it's done nicely, with no forcing or rudeness, then simply offering the use of a room should it be desired is supportive.

fruitpastille · 27/02/2017 19:50

I was always glad of a private room personally. Also would go for more hidden corners in cafes etc. I found it very tricky to feed discretely and didn't fancy my boobs being on display. Trying to position a nipple shield and then get a baby latched on under a scarf is a right pain (literally and metaphorically as it happens). I did manage it but I can't say I enjoyed it or found it relaxing/easy. Sometimes I would sit in my car - a room offered is much nicer.

dowhatnow · 27/02/2017 19:51

Everything passed over my head. I didn't care whether people cared or not. I would have just taken it as they were being considerate and replied with 'Thanks but I'm fine" then i wouldn't have given it another thought.

Inertia · 27/02/2017 19:51

Fair enough for them to make you aware that the room was there if you wanted it. It would have been unacceptable for them to insist you used it.

Equally, no breastfeeding mother should concern themselves about being discreet or 'covering their modesty' unless it makes them more comfortable to do so. No need to hide away.

ClopySow · 27/02/2017 19:55

A shawl for modesty? What?

ImGonnaSingTheDoomSongNow · 27/02/2017 19:57

The thing is, if they have a private room or area available then each patron with a baby should be told about this when they come in, or put up big obvious signs about it so people know they can ask. It would have made me feel uncomfortable to be offered a room like that when I was feeding DD, especially the first few times I was out, and would have made me feel like there was something to be ashamed of.

stoopido · 27/02/2017 20:02

Yawn!!!

Jellyhanging555 · 27/02/2017 20:03

Here in lies the problem- some people (who BF) feel like they would want a room to feed in as they don't feel comfortable in front of people- I have body issues and I never felt comfortable in front of others and would've gladly taken a room(when I was BFing) - others- feel like they shouldn't be offered a room as it is natural and normal- once I started bottle feeding, I also wanted a room as I felt like a complete failure and didn't want BFing mothers or anyone else judging me as I had tried for a long time (unsuccessfully) to BF. I think if you are comfortable to do it then that is amazing- but a lot of people are unfortunately not- I wish I had be been one of those people who could have done it easily and without stress, like I see so many people do, but this is life!

NotYoda · 27/02/2017 20:04

ImGonna

Half the time there aren't 'big obvious signs' to the toilet (a facility that most people are likely to use in a shopping centre, leisure centre or soft play

bigearsthethird · 27/02/2017 20:08

I think they were being considerate of you as opposed to wanting to hide you away tbh. I'd have loved the thought of a room when I was bf because I was so crap at it!

Off topic a bit, but why on earth would you take a 10 day old to a soft play centre? Those things are writhing with germs and bugs!