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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Family Wedding and School term 😡

157 replies

TippyT · 23/02/2017 22:25

My parent is getting remarried, in the Lake District which is about 6-7 hours away from where we live in termtime it's not even a few weeks after a school holiday.

They are getting married on a school day so it's a two day round trip midweek! For this wedding and I will have to take my twins out of school year 8 for two days. I am objecting as I feel they should be in school, as the wedding could have been held in a school holiday at lest. It's two days AL for my husband and myself ( we don't get much), and need to save it for sick children and our family holiday.

I have said I will go by myself, as I cannot afford the fines and I think school is more important. AIBU? Family are angry about my choice but my husband supports me

OP posts:
Justmuddlingalong · 23/02/2017 22:28

They made a decision that suits them. You are making a decision that suits your family. End of.

HarryPottersMagicWand · 23/02/2017 22:29

Your choice. If it was that important to your parent, they could have at least booked the wedding for a weekend.

I take it you aren't close?

AlexanderHamilton · 23/02/2017 22:29

Absolutely not. People with school aged children in the immediate or extended family have to consider these things. If they don't, then they have to accept that people can't attend c

SanitysSake · 23/02/2017 22:29

I'm with Justmuddlingalong.

MrsTwix · 23/02/2017 22:30

If they want people to come to a wedding why would anyone have it mid week during term time?

RestlessTraveller · 23/02/2017 22:30

I can't believe you're bitching about the date of someone's wedding because it doesn't suit you. If it's inconvenient then politely decline.

Pseudonym99 · 23/02/2017 22:30

Depends if they want their grandkids there. If they do, they need to book it in school holidays. If they don't mind, then it doesn't matter

PurpleDaisies · 23/02/2017 22:31

I agree with you. If they really wanted your children to be there they'd have checked a weekday wedding would work before setting the date.

PurpleDaisies · 23/02/2017 22:32

I can't believe you're bitching about the date of someone's wedding because it doesn't suit you. If it's inconvenient then politely decline.

It's not just someone-it's the op's parent. She's entitled to feel aggrieved at being put in a very awkward position.

Doesitfit88 · 23/02/2017 22:33

I am not saying to go but I don't think the school can fine you until you take 4 or more consecutive days holiday.

AlexanderHamilton · 23/02/2017 22:33

The OP isn't bitching about the date. Just stating that her dh & two school aged children can't attend due to the date. That's not good enough for her parent n

MrsTerryPratchett · 23/02/2017 22:34

There's bitching. It's just from her parents.

paraMN · 23/02/2017 22:34

School may allow you to take authorised absence... Plus, it's your parents... unless they have been awful to you I would just go and enjoy the family occasion.

Iamastonished · 23/02/2017 22:35

"I can't believe you're bitching about the date of someone's wedding because it doesn't suit you"

I think it is because she feels that they are expected to go. I wouldn't take DD out of school for 2 days for a wedding either. She is in year 12 and a lot of work gets covered in 2 days, plus a lot of homework gets dished out.

MrsTerryPratchett · 23/02/2017 22:38

I might for a wedding. Rewedding? No. Vows don't wear out!

Scholes34 · 23/02/2017 22:39

Depends how much you want to go to the wedding. The only time I've taken my children out of school was to go to a wedding that we really wanted to attend. The wedding was the excuse to take them out of school. School could be the excuse for some of your family not to attend the wedding.

altiara · 23/02/2017 22:41

If your family attendance was mandatory then it would've been held when you all could attend. Otherwise it should have been an 'invitation'. I think you've made a good compromise. I wouldn't want my DCs doing a round trip with 12-14 hours travel in 2 days and then going back to school. I wouldn't want to do that travel myself either. Not surprised your husband supports you going by yourself!

JakeBallardswife · 23/02/2017 22:44

It's not just someone's wedding she's 'bitching about' but the OP's parents. If they'd of wanted you and your children there they would've planned it for a weekend or the school holidays. I think if you go yourself then it's a good compromise and probably all they want.

emilybrontescorset · 23/02/2017 22:51

They can't expect people to go if they are working.

Italiangreyhound · 23/02/2017 22:52

Well it is totally your choice but I'd go in a heartbeat. I love weddings.

Life is way too short to be worrying about two says out of school. I'd be furious if the school fined me for taking my own kids out of school for a grandparents wedding.

If you cannot afford the fine, and will definitely be fined, just tell your mum her gift will be the presence of her grandkids at her wedding.

But if you do not want to go or the family cannot go, so be it.

You don't sound very close, which may well not be your fault so going without kids should be fine if that is what you choose.

RB68 · 23/02/2017 22:52

Sorry this is not your issue its theirs - they chose a date when the kids are in school ergo no kids at wedding. The older generation do not seem to understand the no kids out of school unless tailing terms (ie none eventful or learning weeks). If they are saying have you not considered taking them out the response is have you not considered holding it on a more appropriate day.

We recently had similar in our family - wedding on a Friday at some remote castle in Ireland in term time - day before required so two days off school - not happening. So I offered to take Granny on my own - not good enough apparently and "You don't really want to go " so I am not forking out for it - well no I didn't want to go but knew she really did, so I get accusatory aggression for being willing to take her and do something I loathe to keep her happy - I give up!

sonyaya · 23/02/2017 22:52

Usually I think the B&G can get married when and where they like and people should go or not go, but not bitch about it. But I can't imagine setting our wedding date at a time immediate family couldn't come. In fact, we had a list of every Saturday in 2017 that one of family or wedding party was busy and planned round that. So YANBU because it sounds like they haven't tried to make it easy for you to go, and as you're their child I can see that's pretty hurtful.

MrsHathaway · 23/02/2017 22:53

Am I reading right that it's only one of your parents, ie not a renewal but a second (/third) wedding?

In which case it's fair enough to have a low-key midweek thing ... except that by doing so you are likely to limit the availability of your invited guests.

Is it your father, and your SM2B isn't your biggest fan?

annandale · 23/02/2017 22:54

I would go and I would take them, sorry. I don't take much notice of the attendance fetish of recent years. BTW that absolutely doesn't mean that I don't make sure my child attends school - I do, and I take action if attendance is an issue. However, a close family wedding is too important to miss. It's annoying that they've made it so difficult for you but I would choke down the annoyance and put a smile on my face.

Can you stop off at a family venue that will be quiet for a change? Alton Towers?

It's only year 8

Sara107 · 23/02/2017 22:54

Is year 8 critical - exams or something? I would take them, 2 days isn't a lot. But their grandparent's wedding is something they'll always remember.

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