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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Family Wedding and School term 😡

157 replies

TippyT · 23/02/2017 22:25

My parent is getting remarried, in the Lake District which is about 6-7 hours away from where we live in termtime it's not even a few weeks after a school holiday.

They are getting married on a school day so it's a two day round trip midweek! For this wedding and I will have to take my twins out of school year 8 for two days. I am objecting as I feel they should be in school, as the wedding could have been held in a school holiday at lest. It's two days AL for my husband and myself ( we don't get much), and need to save it for sick children and our family holiday.

I have said I will go by myself, as I cannot afford the fines and I think school is more important. AIBU? Family are angry about my choice but my husband supports me

OP posts:

PurpleDaisies · 23/02/2017 23:46

As for 'they can't really want you there' per pps, I don't get that, they invited you.

For us, there were certain people who had to be at the wedding and we were prepared to move the days if they couldn't come (parents and siblings mainly). If the op's parent hasn't checked that she's happy and able to bring the children during term time they can't be that bothered about them being there. I didn't mean they'd done it deliberately to exclude them.

I agree the Lake District is likely to be popular as a wedding destination. The parent clearly feels it's more important to have it there than to have all their family in attendance.

PurpleMinionMummy · 23/02/2017 23:46

I'm just responding to those saying the school WILL authorise it 5foot5. Why are you so outraged?

I didn't say OP shouldn't go because it won't be authorised.

ALittleMop · 23/02/2017 23:52

you won't be fined for 2 days
i think its a bit crap that your parent didn't consider this
(is there any chance their soon-to-be spouse doesn't want you there?)
but I would have ZERO qualms about taking my kids out for 2 days in Y8 for an event of this significance for the family

pieceofpurplesky · 23/02/2017 23:53

Educationally the children will be fine. Year 8 is not a really important year. School may actually authorise it - check before you make a decision.
You won't get fined for two days either

Saltandsauce · 23/02/2017 23:56

Seriously?? It's two days! Just take them out of school and go to the wedding! They aren't going to miss much in school, and will probably have a wonderful time!
Family is family, they will always come first in my book.
Do you think the kids would be upset if they missed the wedding??
Also, when is it? It's understandable if it's only a few weeks away and you've been given hardly any notice, but I reckon I'd still bend over backwards to go if it was my parent.
Xx

369thegoosedrankwine · 23/02/2017 23:58

I think if you want to go, then go, if you don't then don't. I wouldn't give a toss about taking a 12: 13 yo out of school for 2 days; that would have no influence on my decision.

BlisseyMon · 24/02/2017 00:03

I'd definitely go on my own. I'd ignore any family griping and just keep telling everyone that that's what happening and that's the end of it.

If you go on your own it will be more fun for you too. You can relax and enjoy the wedding.

omnishamblesssssssssssssss · 24/02/2017 00:05

Go and enjoy the special times with all your family and kids. It's a one off.

Lochan · 24/02/2017 00:05

My lovely cousin is having a mid week wedding during term time. I've accepted the invitation but politely declined for my DH and DC.

My cousin sensibly said she understood perfectly and that she would look forward to seeing me.

The parent's response is the issue for the OP, not anything else. They should really have considered that two days out of school might mean their grandchildren wouldn't be attending.

It's not fair to be angry with her.

Butterymuffin · 24/02/2017 00:14

Also agree with Bellatrix that midweek weddings are a pain. Cheaper - for the couple, yes, but they're basically passing that cost on to all the guests who have to take extra annual leave, pull kids out of school etc.

Plus, all this 'it'll be a wonderful, memorable occasion for the children' - no it won't. I love weddings personally but to most kids they are boring. Year 8s will spend it checking Instagram and moaning about missing what their mates are up to.

PurpleDaisies · 24/02/2017 00:19

Also agree with Bellatrix that midweek weddings are a pain. Cheaper - for the couple, yes, but they're basically passing that cost on to all the guests who have to take extra annual leave, pull kids out of school etc

Plus there are some people who can't take annual leave. Teachers have virtually no chance of a day off unless it's a very close relative.

reup · 24/02/2017 00:22

I went to a close relatives wedding with my school ages kids earlier this school year. . It was only 1 day. Weirdly the Y8 got it authorised and they sent their good wishes! The primary aged child didn't (Y5) and the head said she wasn't allowed to authorise it. I told her the local secondary had and she couldn't think of anything to say. Both kids had 99% attendance and I'd never asked for authorised leave before. My DH is a teacher and got paid leave too! (Different primary)

reup · 24/02/2017 00:25

Just realised the Y8 was actually Y9! Both kids had never been to a wedding before and had a whale of the time - dancing till midnight.

TheFrendo · 24/02/2017 00:30

In my county you would not get fined for an unauthorised absence like that. Lots of education authorities changed their policy in the wake of the Isle of Wight chap's court victory.

Check what your area's policy is.

avamiah · 24/02/2017 00:36

It's their choice what day of the week they get married and where they get married so let's all agree on that.
The rest is personal choice.

twattymctwatterson · 24/02/2017 00:57

It's two days, it's not a very important year. Is it really that much of a big deal?

avamiah · 24/02/2017 01:22

twattymctwatterson,
Excactly.

omnishamblesssssssssssssss · 24/02/2017 06:16

The head will be fine with two days absence for a wedding.

harderandharder2breathe · 24/02/2017 07:26

Their wedding their choice of date and venue. Your dc your choice whether to let them miss school.

You would be a bit mean to be bitter about two days AL for a parents wedding though.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 24/02/2017 07:28

Even the most draconian school might allow
Time off for a grandparents wedding ? Have you even asked ?

Majorgoodwinschickenbeatstrump · 24/02/2017 07:37

School won't fine you unless you've took loads of days off already. They won't miss anything in two days.

unicorn5629 · 24/02/2017 07:37

I love the Lake District !

Iamastonished · 24/02/2017 08:27

DD's school wouldn't authorise leave for a wedding. We had a letter at the beginning of the school year stating that only extreme circumstances such as terminal illness or a bereavement would be grounds for authorised leave.

NataliaOsipova · 24/02/2017 08:34

I'd go on my own. As a pp said, their choice to make it midweek in term time - fair enough. But your children have to be at school, so they can't go. Don't think you are unreasonable at all in this.

AChickenCalledKorma · 24/02/2017 08:42

Do your children want to be there?

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