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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Family Wedding and School term 😡

157 replies

TippyT · 23/02/2017 22:25

My parent is getting remarried, in the Lake District which is about 6-7 hours away from where we live in termtime it's not even a few weeks after a school holiday.

They are getting married on a school day so it's a two day round trip midweek! For this wedding and I will have to take my twins out of school year 8 for two days. I am objecting as I feel they should be in school, as the wedding could have been held in a school holiday at lest. It's two days AL for my husband and myself ( we don't get much), and need to save it for sick children and our family holiday.

I have said I will go by myself, as I cannot afford the fines and I think school is more important. AIBU? Family are angry about my choice but my husband supports me

OP posts:
OOAOML · 24/02/2017 11:29

All the people proclaiming OP won't be fined - how do you know? From what I read on here, different schools/heads/local authorities have very different policies.

2014newme · 24/02/2017 11:58

Because nobody has ever been fined for taking 2 days off. After five days is normally the minimum. At our school nobody is ever fined no matter how long they take off.

alltouchedout · 24/02/2017 12:13

I got married on a Friday. I would have been a right twat to have not understood that this meant people who couldn't get time off/ didn't want to use their annual leave/ didn't to or couldn't take dc out of school/ etc wouldn't be able to come. It's only a wedding. The world will not end if some people can't go.

YessicaHaircut · 24/02/2017 12:22

Haven't RTFT but you won't get fined for taking your children out for 2 days. In fact if you put in a request for authorised absence you may well find it is agreed as such - a family wedding is looked at quite differently to a foreign holiday. (I am a school attendance officer)

exLtEveDallas · 24/02/2017 13:21

All the 'ooh go for it you won't get fined' people. Would you be saying the same if the child(ren) risked losing their school places? Do you all live in places where that is not an issue? Do you understand that some towns /villages / cities have this issue?

(Yes, I know OP hasn't said this, but all the 'It's your parents, you obviously don't care about them at all' type postings seem rather harsh considering)

deblet · 24/02/2017 13:27

Its 2 days? Only two days out of school what are you making such a fuss for? Good grief if you are so mardy over something so trivial maybe your parents booked it in the week on purpose so you wouldn't turn up.

mouldycheesefan · 24/02/2017 13:32

@exLtEveDallas there is not a school in the land where you lose your place for 2 days unauthorised absence.
Yes I am sure people would think twice about taking their kids out in those circumstances, bit as IT IS NOT THE CASE.
Enough already with the scaremongering.

Original poster
TippyT · 24/02/2017 13:33

No time off allowed from the school, and as I have asked if my twins sick it's rather obvious. My relationship with my parent is strained, and I don't think thier new partner likes me anyway. My siblings and I do not get on, and I think it will be difficult.
I think it's best to go on my own :(

OP posts:
theSnuffster · 24/02/2017 13:34

My MIL is getting married on a school day, about a week after term starts. My children will have to miss two days of school. I'm not particularly happy because a weekend of school holiday would've been easier (especially because I work on a term time only contract and don't get holiday, so I'm going to have to beg to be allowed the time off and will be repaying the favour for months either side!) but I'd never say anything and certainly wouldn't have them miss it. Any other time thwy have off school is and always will be because of illness so as this is a real special occasion I'm not going to let it worry me.

LagunaBubbles · 24/02/2017 13:38

Im sure if your relationship with your parent was better than it sounds you wouldn't hesitate. 2 days out of school to see your Grandparent get married and see other family, my kids would love it and I wouldn't mind taking them out of school either.

exLtEveDallas · 24/02/2017 13:54

@mouldycheesefan

Mine does. And also:

Camden council: If the school refuses a request for leave during term time and the child is still taken out of school this will be recorded as an unauthorised absence and this could result in your child losing his or her school place.

Denbighshire: www.dailypost.co.uk/news/north-wales-news/denbighshire-pupils-risk-losing-school-9571868

Tower Hamlets: If you take your child/children on holiday during term time for an extended period you risk losing your child/children’s place at Our Lady & St Joseph Catholic Primary School. Parents will then have to re-apply for admission when they return but it may not be possible for the pupil to return to this school.

And also, Bristol, Avon and Somerset, Gloucestershire and Worcestershire - all
From the first page of the google results.

Thank you.

ChocolateWombat · 24/02/2017 13:58

At the end of the day, this is really about your relationship with your parent.
You say the relationship is strained and you think the step parent to-be doesn't like you. These things suggest you wouldn't be keen to go or take the family if it was the weekend either.
If you decide to go alone, then fine. If you decide to take the kids, then fine. However recognise that you do have a choice - the obstacles of a 7 hour drive and 2 days leave and time off school wouldn't prevent most people going to a close family members wedding. People travel across the world and incur enormous expense and difficulty to get to family weddings and often wouldn't miss out for the world...because those family events are so important to them. They find a way.
If you decide not to go, then fine, but try to recognise it as a choice related to your family relationships rather than because the practicalities made it impossible.
Could you see this as a chance to build bridges...not just between yourself and parent, but to build the relationship your DC have with their GP too?

Majorgoodwinschickenbeatstrump · 24/02/2017 14:03

They will mean that for weeks! It applies to people who take their children abroad for months. Trust me as a teacher who works in a very oversubscribed school you will never ever lose your place for two days. It has never ever happened and will not happen.

Owlzes · 24/02/2017 14:07

My wedding is mid week in term time because we want to get married while DP'd parents are alive, both are in very poor health, and we can't afford a weekend date or school holidays at this notice.

Sometimes it happens. If you can't take your kids, you can't. That's life. And all sides need to accept that. I know I'm losing guests because of my wedding date but I just wish them well and move on.

mouldycheesefan · 24/02/2017 14:26

@ExLtEveDallas
Yes of course they all say you can lose your place for unauthorised absence! But it isn't going to happen for two days.
I live in one of those boroughs you list, I take my children out for a week every year. No warning, no letter, no fine, no loss of school place.

it's never happened that a school place has been withdrawn due to two days unauthorised absence.

mouldycheesefan · 24/02/2017 14:26

I am glad majorgoodwin agrees with me.

SquidgeyMidgey · 24/02/2017 14:38

Could you either decline or go alone then take your dc the weekend before/after? To be honest having a midweek wedding is almost engineering it to be a very grown up, childfree occasion.

exLtEveDallas · 24/02/2017 14:41

And that's great for you Mouldy, but it's not the same for everyone, and it's unfair of you to accuse me of 'scaremongering' when I was simply asking a question 'based on my own experience' just as you were answering 'based on your own experience'

We all take 'risks' with our own kids. You are willing to take that risk, others aren't. It doesn't make either party wrong.

Notso · 24/02/2017 15:00

I'd have no qualms about taking mine out for two days for a wedding. As a TA I've had time off for a wedding and a holiday. Colleagues both teachers and TA's had time off for child's graduation, birth of grandchild, holiday for special birthday etc. SIL's are teachers one a deputy head and they have both had time off for weddings, a holiday and a special event.

I can't see a school place being withdrawn for two days off, I'd at least ask the question rather than point blank say no.

2014newme · 24/02/2017 15:19

@ExLtEveDallas
Can you find anybody anywhere in the UK who has lost a school place for two days unauthorised absence?
No
Because there are none. There is no risk of it.

exLtEveDallas · 24/02/2017 15:24

@2014newme. Ok thanks. I'm so glad you were able to help.

2014newme · 24/02/2017 16:01

😘

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 24/02/2017 16:47

Those who have suggested that Lake District is a chosen venue for OP's parent: perhaps they live there, and so in fact are doing it on home turf. No obligation to do a different location...not like they are having it in Maui :)

OneLumpOrSeven · 24/02/2017 16:52

Just go on your own. They've made the decision to get married on a school day, you are entitled to make the decision not to take your dc out of school.

We took our DS out for a wedding, but he's in reception and we weren't fined. Any older and I probably wouldn't.

eviethehamster · 24/02/2017 16:57

It's two days. In the grand scheme of things unless they are missing a really important exam that cannot be made up, then I would not hesitate to go. What if they were sick? Would you refuse to keep them home just because they are Year 8?

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