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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My DH has his driving test today. AIBU?

285 replies

MandMrs28 · 27/01/2017 10:52

My DH is mid 30's and last year decided that he would like to learn to drive. He's been having lessons and his test is today.

He mentioned to me yesterday that if he passes he would like to take the DC's to the park (in the car) whilst I'm at work over the weekend. I dropped into the conversation that I would prefer him not to go out with the kids alone in the car until he has had some experience at driving. He didn't reply to that but looked abit hurt.

He then said if he passes he would like to drive our car, on his own, around town to get used to the car. We bought a new large car (think 4x4 size) about 8 months ago and it is our pride and joy. I've been with him in this car when he's been practising his manoeuvres and he has struggled because he found the car too big (the car he's been having lessons in is a little clio).

AIBU to say not to take the kids out alone and that I would prefer him not to take the car out alone until he's had some experience with driving a car of that size?? I feel like I'm pissing on his bonfire abit and if he comes back all joyous that he's passed and wants to take the car for a spin what do I say?!?!

OP posts:
Original poster
MandMrs28 · 27/01/2017 10:53

DC's are 4 and 1 if that makes a difference!

OP posts:
Sirzy · 27/01/2017 10:56

Why did you buy such a big car knowing he was learning to drive if your not willing to let him drive it though? How is he supposed to get used to things if he has to wait for you to be able to drive it?

I can see your point but yabu really.

user1469456533 · 27/01/2017 10:56

I see your point but i still think you are being a little unfair. How is he going to get used to driving on his own if he's never allowed to drive on his own? Have a little bit of faith in him and the instructor that passes him (if he does pass)

ninjapants · 27/01/2017 10:57

I don't think you're being unfair regarding your DCs but I think you are about him driving the big car, he has to be able to build his confidence in driving on his own.
Good luck to your DH with his test!

choccybiscuit · 27/01/2017 10:58

Personally, I wanted to have dh while I got a few weeks experience with our car. It's a little bigger than the one I passed in. If he feels confident enough to drive without you in the car then I say let him. He needs to be driving 2/3 times a week to get more experience. Sometimes my dh has made me feel nervous at times when I'm driving and he constantly gives advice, which is a little irritating at times. I now feel more confident in the car with out him.

Original poster
MandMrs28 · 27/01/2017 10:58

We bought the car before he decided that he wanted to learn to drive. I'm just worried that he he will get into difficulty in it with the kids in the car

OP posts:
Spartak · 27/01/2017 10:59

So he can't drive the car on his own and he can't drive the car with the kids in. What was the point in him learning to drive?

Original poster
MandMrs28 · 27/01/2017 10:59

choccy that's what I really don't want to do is be a "backseat driver"

OP posts:
LagunaBubbles · 27/01/2017 10:59

I can see your point but yabu really

Yep, thats what I think to.

SparklyLeprechaun · 27/01/2017 11:00

But he's got to drive that car in order to get used to driving that car, surely? On his own, without having someone breathing down his neck?

Carollocking · 27/01/2017 11:00

Better to buy a cheap banger till he can drive properly and no kids till your happy but that me been over careful I guess

saoirse31 · 27/01/2017 11:01

Yabu, very much so. Very unsupportive, he passes his test and you dont want hom driving kids??? I'm wondering if his difficulty manoeuvring is due to him being conscious that ur assessing him critically.

ImperialBlether · 27/01/2017 11:01

If he passes, tell him to go on a long drive on his own to get used to that car - parking and manoeuvring will be completely different - before he takes the kids out in it.

Ilovecaindingle · 27/01/2017 11:01

Passing your test means you are able to drive!! Are your standards higher than the examiner do you think?

Bin85 · 27/01/2017 11:02

Either go with him or ask his instructor to give him one more lesson in his own car?
Or could he go without the kids the first time?
Good luck to him and to you it's a tricky situation

GinAndOnIt · 27/01/2017 11:02

I don't think YABU about waiting a little bit before having the kids in the car (more because they can be a huge distraction if nothing else) but I think you have to let him have a go with the big car on his own.

isupposeitsverynice · 27/01/2017 11:02

you are being unreasonable really, I think. I passed my test as a single mum, so had to just get on with driving my child around. They are his children too, I'm sure he'll be careful. as for the big car, he'll have to learn one day, and it will probably be easier for him to do that on his own. You can't really expect to supervise his first drives! It'll be alright.

Somerville · 27/01/2017 11:03

It's not the kind of thing to say just before a test. I think it could affect his confidence.

And frankly, you can't say both that he cant take the car out with the kids in it for more practice and that he can't take it out on how own to get said practice. How will he ever get practice?!

Has he not driven your family car at all? If not, and he passes, then accompany him once - very soon, because he'll be excited to drive in it. After that leave him to it.

If he fails his test today then insure him in the car anyway and start taking him out for additional practice now so that this isn't an issue again when he does pass.

Original poster
MandMrs28 · 27/01/2017 11:03

I know I'm being unreasonable really but I will worry myself to death knowing he's newly passed and out in the car with the two DC's whilst I'm at work!

OP posts:
Birdsgottafly · 27/01/2017 11:03

He should practice getting used to the car, somewhere quiet.

Two children in car seats and a newly qualified driver, isn't the best mix.

He should go out on his own and then with both you and the children.

nat73 · 27/01/2017 11:03

I agree with OP. I wouldnt want someone who had passed the test the day before driving my kids (including their Dad!). Is there a compromise? Like he takes you out or his friends out and build up his confidence before taking the kids on their own? YANBU

Squirmy65ghyg · 27/01/2017 11:03

YABU.

I passed my test and drove DC on my own the same day, everywhere (LP).

Course he wants to take his own kids to the park!

Birdsgottafly · 27/01/2017 11:03

Or short safe journeys.

Chopchopbusybusy · 27/01/2017 11:04

I think it's fine to suggest that he has a few practise trips in the car with you in the passenger seat - although I do think you should try to not be critical and just encouraging.
When my DH passed his test - a long time ago - he called me at work to let me know and said he was going to take our car - with a 3.5L engine - for a 200 mile round trip up the M1 that afternoon. I let him know what a shit idea I thought that was and he did wait until I got home.

Glastonbury · 27/01/2017 11:05

YABCompletelyU if he passes his test then he is competant to drive. You sound like a control freak.