My DH has his driving test today. AIBU?

[MandMrs28]

My DH is mid 30's and last year decided that he would like to learn to drive. He's been having lessons and his test is today.

He mentioned to me yesterday that if he passes he would like to take the DC's to the park (in the car) whilst I'm at work over the weekend. I dropped into the conversation that I would prefer him not to go out with the kids alone in the car until he has had some experience at driving. He didn't reply to that but looked abit hurt.

He then said if he passes he would like to drive our car, on his own, around town to get used to the car. We bought a new large car (think 4x4 size) about 8 months ago and it is our pride and joy. I've been with him in this car when he's been practising his manoeuvres and he has struggled because he found the car too big (the car he's been having lessons in is a little clio).

AIBU to say not to take the kids out alone and that I would prefer him not to take the car out alone until he's had some experience with driving a car of that size?? I feel like I'm pissing on his bonfire abit and if he comes back all joyous that he's passed and wants to take the car for a spin what do I say?!?!

Sensible thing if hes just passed would be a few days out and about by himself just to get that bit acclimatized to being by himself sans instructor without the children to distract him.

I just can't imagine being told I can't drive my own kids. I can't believe your husband is going along with it.

As opposed to the rest of us who went out the very afternoon to pick up our kids from school and are clearly highly irresponsible

Is it legal to put you as named driver when it is your DH car which he will be driving all the time and using for commute to work. Putting you as named driver gives the expectation that you will be main or at least 50/50 driver of this car

Lweji
What a ridiculous comment. No he's not a child but he is a completely inexperienced driver. It's not unreasonable to ask him*

*No, it's not my comment that's ridiculous. It's you saying your OH he "needs" to have driven for a month.

Think about it. What would you say if your OH had told you he would decide when you were fit to drive your children?

Mrs are you serious? It sounds like you're the one on your high horse.

I passed my test a couple of weeks ago, and I would not want to risk damaging either an expensive car or some children, so I think YANBU. I also think your husband would be pretty unreasonable to expect other people to treat a brand new driver the same as an experienced driver.

I haven't had a swimming lesson in 25 years I better hit the local.pool for some practice before I take the kids in half term.

Accidents can happen no matter how long you've been driving. 10/20 years experience doesn't eliminate any risk.

Giles

Accidents can happen no matter how long you've been driving. 10/20 years experience doesn't eliminate any risk.

Exactly. I've only ever had one accident. It happened 17 years after passing my test.

I learnt to drive when I left school and thoroughly resented my parents for insisting I did not have any passengers for the first year that I had my license (I thought passing my practical & written driving tests with a 'perfect score' meant I didn't have anything more to learn about driving...)

After now having driven for a very long time, including with my own children, I thoroughly understand why an inexperienced driver needs time to develop better skills if possible.

It doesn't matter how old/young you are - your driving skill can't possibly be up to that of a more experienced driver when you've just passed your driving test.

Men also tend to overestimate their abilities IME and especially when it comes to driving, think they are more competent than reality would demonstrate. Such as when DH and I went to Greece on holidays and he assured me he could easily handle a moped, only to take a corner too fast and deposit us both in the middle of the road - lucky to survive with only a few injuries, really.

OP YANBU - there's no harm in being cautious for the benefit of the kids AND your DH. I wouldn't make him wait a year though...

RaeofSun that is wrong. You can have anyone as a named driver they don't even have to get in the car never mind drive it. What is wrong is listing someone as the main driver if someone else will be driving it more.

Do you think this excuse works for everything fizz?

I hadn't looked after a baby til I had one at 26. Maybe I shoulda outsourced the care until some one more experienced deemed me capable of doing so.

Imagine the outrage if someone's dh had refused to stay home with the baby while she went out based on the fact he'd never been alone with a child befire.

farangatang

How many accidents did you have in that first year?

Giles you mean... They let you look after your baby? by yourself?!

Accidents can happen no matter how long you've been driving. 10/20 years experience doesn't eliminate any risk.

If that is the case can you explain how it is that insurance premiums tend to fall with driving experience is it that my DD2 has to pay over a thousand when me, much older just a couple of hundred quid?

I would be right pissed off if DH had spent lots of money on a nice 4x4 and didn't want to pay to insure me on it when I passed my test. I can understand about the DC though if it would cause you a worry.

Even if it would increase the yearly insurance rate on the car by £900? And then go up even more if there were any collisions/scrapes/prangs/whathaveyou because he currently struggles with the size of the car? He doesn't have a NCD yet. In a year, hopefully, he will, otherwise the insurance will be even higher to drive a fairly new, expensive 4x4.

The smaller, cheaper run around of his own is a much better option while he's gaining more driving experience. And I do believe a driving instructor might make a comment like that.

Children are a big distraction to even seasoned drivers so it would be a no no until he has some propper hours under his belt.
I'd tell him to go driving as much as he can on his own through town ect where its busy. Then he will soon learn to handle the car.
Well done to him for starting lessons so late on life!!

Accidents can happen no matter how long you've been driving. 10/20 years experience doesn't eliminate any risk.

While it doesn't eliminate any risk, and of course accidents can happen at any age, the risks do decrease with age and experience. Insurance companies price policies based on 'risk'. It's why teenagers have high insurance rates, and people in their 30s, 40s, 50s who have a long, good driving record, have lower rates. It's why NCD affect rates so much.

He passed his test,he must be a good driver as the tests are very thorough these days. He's not a wannabe boy racer he's a dad who want to drive his kids to the park! As far as the size of the car, they'll be safer in a bigger car.

I'd have had a few choice words to say to dh if he'd said anything about putting our DS at risk after me passing my test! They're HIS kids as well and he won't want to put them at risk any more than you do.

YABVU

I only passed a year ago. Have had to drive my kids around ever since. But it does take a while to get used to driving a different car without the instructor. Had a few scrapes myself that dented my confidence. Let him take the kids in the car, how else is he going to learn? but only short safe journeys at first- where he might bash the car but is unlikely to hurt anybody.

I passed my test in August 2015 when I was 37. My son was 4 at the time and my husband doesn't drive. Our son has special needs and one of us needed to drive. I went from driving a small Citroen to a brand new Ford Kuga.

The day I passed I took husband and son out for a drive up round quiet country roads, with bad bends, narrow roads and lots of hills.

Passed on a Thursday and on the following Monday we had booked to go to Southport for the week. We live In Northern Ireland so decided instead of using boat and train to drive. Got off the boat in Cairnryan in Scotland and drove to Southport. Whilst there drove to Blackpool, Chester, Liverpool and Knowsley.

I have yet to have any kind of accident. Yes I was a bit slower at junctions and roundabouts but I have gotten better.

I fully agree with previous posters, my instruction taught me the basics and how to pass the test, but I only really started learning once I was out there by myself.

Justaboy read my post again. I said it doesn't ELIMINATE risk. Unless you think it does in which case you are mistaken.
[Message edited by MNHQ]