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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My DH has his driving test today. AIBU?

285 replies

MandMrs28 · 27/01/2017 10:52

My DH is mid 30's and last year decided that he would like to learn to drive. He's been having lessons and his test is today.

He mentioned to me yesterday that if he passes he would like to take the DC's to the park (in the car) whilst I'm at work over the weekend. I dropped into the conversation that I would prefer him not to go out with the kids alone in the car until he has had some experience at driving. He didn't reply to that but looked abit hurt.

He then said if he passes he would like to drive our car, on his own, around town to get used to the car. We bought a new large car (think 4x4 size) about 8 months ago and it is our pride and joy. I've been with him in this car when he's been practising his manoeuvres and he has struggled because he found the car too big (the car he's been having lessons in is a little clio).

AIBU to say not to take the kids out alone and that I would prefer him not to take the car out alone until he's had some experience with driving a car of that size?? I feel like I'm pissing on his bonfire abit and if he comes back all joyous that he's passed and wants to take the car for a spin what do I say?!?!

OP posts:
CommonFramework · 27/01/2017 11:27

Why not sell the big car and buy a smaller one?? It is a big jump going from a Clio to a 4x4, but you knew that your h was learning to drive so perhaps should have thought of this earlier.

CharlieDimmocksbosoms · 27/01/2017 11:27

If he passes he would then have to get insurance to drive the car so it won't be a case of just handing over the keys.
I think he needs to understand just how noisy and distracting 2 young kids can be in the car and I think he would be sensible to get some motorway and solo driving experience before having to deal with the distraction of 2 stressy kids trying to escape from their car seats and shouting at full volume whose only aim is to wind up daddy because it's a novelty going in the car with him.

ShowMePotatoSalad · 27/01/2017 11:28

When you pass your test that's generally an indicator that you are capable of driving.

You can't pass your test unless you display that. Then you have a license to drive. At which point he doesn't need anyone's permission to go out and drive.

Does he generally have to ask you what he can and can't do in life?

chipsandchilli · 27/01/2017 11:29

I don't think you are being unreasonable, he needs to get used to the bigger car first, i learnt in a citreon DS3 and had my own little Corsa to learn in, passed my test and drove the corsa for a few weeks then got a megane which felt a whole lot bigger. In the first two weeks of having the megane i reversed it twice into a wall and a post, scraped the front of it and had a few near misses. Haven't done anything else as im obviously used to it now but have been left with 3 scratches on my car when it didn't have a mark on it.

MycatsaPirate · 27/01/2017 11:30

My DD is 18 and passed her test earlier this month. That afternoon she drove my dp to pick up his own car from the garage and that night she drove her and her younger sister (11) to the cinema.

If you have passed your test, you are capable of driving.

I suspect you don't like being in control as the only driver of the family.

cantmakeme · 27/01/2017 11:33

I imagine he would be more nervous or stressed with OP in the passenger seat. I preferred driving alone when I had first passed my test.

NerrSnerr · 27/01/2017 11:34

As an adult and parent surely he gets to decide whether he wants to take his children out for a drive- you don't get to trump him in my opinion.

Carollocking · 27/01/2017 11:34

He won't be able drive till u change insurance as a passed test driver and not a learner plus the policy price will go crazy been a new car and just passed driver

00100001 · 27/01/2017 11:34

Jeepers if your car is more important to you than the happiness and building up of your DH's confidence, then there is something wrong!

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 27/01/2017 11:36

YABU! and mean!

"let him", he should go out solo a few times but learner drivers are the safest anyway

the ones to worry about are the boy racers'

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 27/01/2017 11:37

did he pass?

ShowMePotatoSalad · 27/01/2017 11:38

It's not OP's place to "let him" do anything. Why do some people treat their partners in life as property or something to control?

Just because you're with someone doesn't mean you get to make their decisions for them.

Sorry, rant over.

Enkopkaffetak · 27/01/2017 11:39

I refuse to drive dh of 22 years anywhere. I am a decent driver but when i have him as a passenger I become a poor driver. It is his manner when he is next to me.

Examples are
holds on to that bar thing that you use to hoist yourself out of the car with if you are having difficulties doing this.

"Breaks" about 50 yards before any sane person would try to break

goes " Watch out" when it is a pedestrian who is walking on the opposite side of the road on the pavement there..

I have friends who have happily let me drive their children and I have been involved in 2 things relating to the car. (once a car drove into ours and once I scraped another car)

So for me to have to drive with dh is a poor thing to do. There is a chance
op dh feels this way too. Especially as op appears rather over protective of " her" car

OP when would you be ok with him taking the children?

How much " practice" do you feel he needs over his lessons?

have you both considered taking a lesson with his driving instructor in your car?

StarBurger · 27/01/2017 11:40

Surely as they are his kids too he wouldn't drive them if he was not confident?

I drove my nieces the day after I passed my test. I didn't have children back then. Also I went from driving my instructor's tiny car to a transit van LWB with no back window. If I wasn't sure if I was going to hit something I would get out and look! It took at least 5 years before I damaged a car I was driving. Wasn't paying attention and reversed into a muddy bank. I would never have been so complacent as a new driver.

If your husband is not a complete idiot then you are definitely BU..

Lemon12345 · 27/01/2017 11:43

What about a pass plus course of similar in his car once he's passed. And in the meantime if you go out together he can drive?

I agree that he needs to practice, and if he's in a much bigger car and has to do a maneuver that he's struggling with anyway whilst other passers by/motorists are watching/waiting it would be nice having someone there to remind you 'don't worry, you're doing fine, they can all wait, everyone was a new driver once' and if really really struggling to do it for him and help him practice in a quieter area to get his confidence up.
It is very different driving a nippy little clio to driving something big and clunky.

Llanali · 27/01/2017 11:44

Are you a better assessor of his capability and skills than a qualified instructor and examiner?
If they say he can drive, he can drive.
As to what you say....

"Congratulations, im proud of you, have fun and let me know how you got on when you get to the park"

alltouchedout · 27/01/2017 11:45

Hmmmm. I'm about to start learning to drive, in my mid 30s too. DH has so far told me he doesn't think I'll ever manage to learn, that if I do manage to pass the test I will still be a really nervous driver, that if I pass he thinks I should get a tiny car and not drive his (which is a Ford Focus so hardly huge), that he would never want to be a passenger with me driving... It has not made me feel kindly towards him to be honest. Give your DH a break, if he passes, he shouldn't be further restricted by you.

bloodynoris · 27/01/2017 11:48

I don't think he can actually drive alone till he gets his licence through. My Dn passed lasted year and was she couldn't drive on her own with just the test certificate she had to wait for her licence to come through.

scottishdiem · 27/01/2017 11:49

I can totally see your point about the car with the kids in until he has some experience although if he is confident enough to try and the road to the park is a simple one then it is surely worth thinking about? I cannot see your point in not letting him out on his own with a car. How is he supposed to learn if he cant go out?

If you are that worried about your pride and joy then buy him a wee car to build some driving time.

diddl · 27/01/2017 11:50

Imo one or the other would be enough for a first outing-kids or a bigger car.

Does he still find the car big for manouevres?

If so, parking with a couple of kids might be stressful.

That said, if the car is there & you are at work you can't really hide the keys!

My daughter has the same car as she learnt in but an older model-no parking sensors, automatic brake/lights so was quite an experience for her!

ImperialBlether · 27/01/2017 11:51

Bloodynoris, you can definitely drive alone as soon as you've passed your test.

blueskyinmarch · 27/01/2017 11:52

If you can afford it could you get a smaller second car for him? My DD2 has a Polo and it is a fab little first car. She was a great driver from day one and tbh i would have trusted her with small children in the car from the moment she passed. I suppose only you know how sensible your DH is likely to be.

SpareASquare · 27/01/2017 11:53

You said this BEFORE he had his test? Way to be supportive.

YABU. And controlling. Are you usually OP?

IHeartKingThistle · 27/01/2017 11:54

You're being ridiculous.

I learnt to drive when I was pregnant and passed my test when DD was 6 months old. Every single thing I did for the first time - petrol stations, multi storey car parks, motorway- I did with that little baby in the car because I had no choice. And also, I was proud of myself and I knew I could do it and SO DID MY SUPPORTIVE DH!!!

Sorry for the shouting.

Bluntness100 · 27/01/2017 11:54

You're being totally unreasonable and probably under mining his confidence. Do you prefer to be the only driver ? If he's passed he can take the car and the kids as he pleases, he should not have to seek your permission, I'm sorry but that's so controlling. If it was a man posting this about his wife he would get flamed.

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