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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this wrong or am I being unreasonable?

165 replies

Tracker4 · 19/01/2017 02:21

'D'h and I have two children, both a little poorly tonight. the baby won't really settle and is still in our room, the 4 year old has joined us and been sick about an hour ago. She has now settled but the baby is waking every half hour or so just unsettled. I'm attempting to comfort both at various stages of upset and unsettled!
About half an hour ago husband just buggered off into the 4 year olds room, he has work tomorrow so needs sleep!
Aibu to think he should at least stay here and help even just a little? Even just to cuddle the 4 year old when she's getting sad! Or aibu because he has work tomorrow and I don't!

OP posts:
TreacleTreacleLittleStar · 19/01/2017 02:29

No you're not, you need all the help you can get. I'm a single parent but only have one. Maybe he could take a day off and help? X

TheresABluebirdOnMyShoulder · 19/01/2017 02:33

YANBU. Does he think you're having tomorrow 'off'? If anything, at least he has a lunch break he can snooze through.

If it's any consolation, we've got a baby who won't go down in her cot tonight as well so I've not slept a wink yet either. And have managed to fall out with DH too. You're not alone Flowers

Original poster
Tracker4 · 19/01/2017 02:33

It's not even the work bit I mind he couldn't easily take tomorrow off but it pisses me off he gets to sleep all night and I have to some how work out how to look after two children in the middle of the night who seem to be tag teaming their sleep! I've had literally no sleep!

OP posts:
Original poster
Tracker4 · 19/01/2017 02:34

Thanks bluebird that does make me feel a little better it's not just me! It's hard isn't it!
Flowers

OP posts:
user1484226561 · 19/01/2017 03:09

but what are you doing tomorrow? Will you be at home?

user1484226561 · 19/01/2017 03:24

I really don't think it takes two of you to deal with this, there is no reason for you both to miss sleep, especially if DH has got to get up to go to work tomorrow, and you don't

Coastalcommand · 19/01/2017 03:27

YABU - if he has to work tomorrow so he should rest. It's not about gender roles, it's about who is at work and who is at home.

user1484226561 · 19/01/2017 03:31

maybe you can arrange for him to take the children for part of the weekend so you can sleep then.

BreatheDeep · 19/01/2017 03:38

If you're dealing with baby every half hour are you getting any sleep? Flowers as that's tough and feels awful in the middle of the night.
If that situation arose in our house DH would sleep in the 4 year old's room with them to look after them and baby would sleep in with me. That way he'd get more sleep, 4 year old would be comforted and I could focus on baby on no sleep.

OverByYer · 19/01/2017 03:42

If he's got to go to work and you're at home, then he should have priority on sleep.
If you're at home with the kids then you can have a pajama day and hopefully snooze with the kids.

thisismeusernameything · 19/01/2017 03:45

Your husband needs sleep. Would you want him to get into trouble for making a mistake? You need to look after the children yourself.

UnconventionalWarfare · 19/01/2017 03:45

Yabu leave the poor fucker sleep.

MrsPringles · 19/01/2017 03:47

YANBU
He's their parent too, he should help

Yes, he's got work tomorrow but the 4yr old is poorly so it's not like it's every night he has to pull his weight if it's usually just the baby up.

MrsTerryPratchett · 19/01/2017 03:53

All hands on deck for this kind of thing. He won't collapse from lack of sleep if you spell each other off. Unless he's a pilot or something...

BillSykesDog · 19/01/2017 03:56

YABU. Let him sleep and have a pyjama day. It's frustrating but as work keeps families afloat financially it has to be prioritised.

treacle where do you work where they're happy to give people days off at the drop of a hat because their partner wants help? I want to work there!

GnomeDePlume · 19/01/2017 04:15

Sorry, I agree with others, if he has to be awake to get to work and to be at work then he should get some sleep.

Make sure he understands that he comes straight home from work afterwards, no voluntary overtime/visit to gym/hobby/pub.

I hope you manage to get some sleep.

Sybis · 19/01/2017 04:18

It's a YABU for me too, sorry!

Orangebird69 · 19/01/2017 04:20

YABU. Especially if he has to drive to work.

MagicChicken · 19/01/2017 04:28

I disagree sorry. I think this is part of the deal of being a SAHM. If you also had to get up for work I'd agree with you, but you can take it a bit easy tomorrow if you don't get much sleep tonight.

So long as the children are adequately cared for you don't even have to get dressed or leave the house if you don't want to.

Italiangreyhound · 19/01/2017 04:28

Tracker sorry but unless you have work outside the home tomorrow, YABU.

What are you doing tomorrow? What is he doing? Will you be driving, will you be working outside the home? Will he?

I think he needs to sleep if he will need to drive and even if he gets the train he will need to sleep if he will be at work.

Take it very easy tomorrow. Simple food. Lots of rest, quiet play and sleeps. Your dh will not have any of these options if he will be at work.

Agree with GnomeDePlume.

Both dh and I can take time off if the kids are off school, one of us, we are lucky work is flexible, but we still need to make the time up. No one is going to pay us to stay home with the kids.

HicDraconis · 19/01/2017 04:55

Sorry - I know it's crap being up all night with sick kids tag teaming to keep you awake - but if your DH has to go to work tomorrow and you don't then he absolutely should go into another room and get some sleep. There is no point in both of you being awake.

DH did all the night time stuff when ours were smaller and he still does if I have work the next day. He can veg out and catch up on rest while they're napping in the afternoon (which small kids generally do when they're ill and have been awake half the night) whereas I have to work a 10h shift keeping people alive.

JoandMax · 19/01/2017 05:15

It's not easy when you have 2 sick kids, and feels so much harder when it's the middle of the night!

But your DH does need to get a chunk of sleep if he has work tomorrow - can you let him have 4/5 hours unbroken and then he can take the kids while you get a couple of hours? That was always our arrangement - he'd get the 'core' of 12 to 5 to sleep but helped out before and after so I could get some rest.

Hope they settled and are feeling better today

blackteaplease · 19/01/2017 05:17

I don't think that a SAHM mum should give up all her sleep to look after 2 sick children all night and the next day too. In our household we would split the night so that both of us manage to get a chunk of rest.

Dh can cope at work on less sleep than normal for one day

TheresABluebirdOnMyShoulder · 19/01/2017 05:20

Wow, all these people who are saying to just 'take it easy' tomorrow - I wish one of them would have a world with DD became I can guarantee she won't make allowances for the fact that I'm shattered and will be as high maintenance as ever.

TheresABluebirdOnMyShoulder · 19/01/2017 05:21

*because