Is this wrong or am I being unreasonable?

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'D'h and I have two children, both a little poorly tonight. the baby won't really settle and is still in our room, the 4 year old has joined us and been sick about an hour ago. She has now settled but the baby is waking every half hour or so just unsettled. I'm attempting to comfort both at various stages of upset and unsettled!
About half an hour ago husband just buggered off into the 4 year olds room, he has work tomorrow so needs sleep!
Aibu to think he should at least stay here and help even just a little? Even just to cuddle the 4 year old when she's getting sad! Or aibu because he has work tomorrow and I don't!

serve him his arse beforehand, we did a list of responsibilities...

we do swap occasionally depending on workloads and stuff, but don't leave it until you are about to pulverise him with a pile of wet towels...
sort it in advance

Ha I think that's my problem I get pissed off by the little things so they add up and then I get really mad over something tiny!

I am a bit shocked by all the YABUs I have read on here! I don't know what DH does - if he's a surgeon or a pilot or drives a bus or something, then he probably should get priority with sleeping. But I am assuming he probably does something less exciting - maybe he goes to a nice warm office where he can drink coffee whenever he feels like it and does something terribly responsible involving meetings and decisions and stuff? In which case the person whose job it is TO LOOK AFTER TWO SMALL, SICK CHILDREN who will choke/fall/burn themselves at the slightest opportunity, who may be coming down with meningitis or something awful like that, who will not give you any warning before they throw up, who need constant comfort and attention, who will not let you get a cup of coffee to help you perk up at a crucial moment - that person should get the priority with sleep! No argument! What if the kids need to be taken to A&E tomorrow and their exhausted mother falls asleep at the wheel? Or falls asleep through exhaustion because the kids kept her up all night and forgets the dinner on the stove? And even if DH does need more sleep for some important reason, he should ASK and not just bugger off and leave you to it. Would make a hell of a difference to the way you feel appreciated and/or completely exploited as a skivvy.

Thanks for this! In the end he only worked for three hours and didn't even start that early, came home complained the house was a mess and tutted when I wanted a bath! We obviously argued extensively!

YABU. I've worked since dd was 6 months old. My company doesn't care if I've had 5 minutes sleep - they still expect me to be on top of my game and my mortgage kind of depends on it.

All men have demanding jobs that require more rest in the same way that all women have difficult to pronounce/spell surnames that they need to change.

When the kids are sick it is tough on everyone. Make sure you take your berocca so you don't catch it.

Your DH sounds like a precious snowflake. He is driving. It isn't like he is a doctor or a nurse using fiddly equipment. Just be thoughtful, take it slow and engage your brain. I drive 2 hours a day to work and back. I often have less than 3 hours of sleep a night and right now I am working 12-16 hour days. Honestly, would he prefer to be home all day with 2 sick kids? You have the short straw here not him.

When your leave ends go back to work and try to stick to FT if you can. I had a DH like yours and while he earns more than me I work more hours. Working has enabled me to more efficiently push him into doing a more equal share of parenting and work in the home.

Wake him 2 hours before he had to go to work and say your turn to sleep now.

It seems like you are being considerate towards him and his needs but he isn't reciprocating this back to you.

Yes you should do more housework etc while on maternity leave, but not everything.

I think YABU. You can sleep tomorrow when the kids go down but if he is out at work so you can be with the kids, then be with the kids, he needs his sleep to be fit for work

You do have work, the not unimportant job of making sure your children are still alive at the end of every day. DO NOT allow your husband to elevate himself above you, or treat you like a single parent and his kids as an inconvenience. If I were you, I'd have taken the baby into him and told him to have a fucking work with himself.

Unless you are going to work tomorrow, you should let your husband sleep.

I often wonder how people think single mums cope. I know its difficult with sick children, but how would you manage if your were raising them alone or your hubby worked a night shift? I am saying this as I was a single mum and I had to work also.

I'm confused with the times.

What time did he go to bed & get up?

My husband would stay up as late as he could (me having gone to bed early).

Then he'd get up as soon as he could to get to work asap to be home as early as poss to take over again iyswim.

There's a damn good reason they use sleep deprivation as torture! When my DT's were babies I was up every 3 hours to breastfeed and occasionally ended up sleeping on their bedroom floor as I was too knackered to go back to bed. I used to add up every morning how much sleep I'd had (digital clocks are good for this!) and complain bitterly how unfair it all was.

DH didn't do nights at all, and to start with was fairly hands off during the day until we had the most almighty blow out which ended up with me driving off in a rage for a couple of hours (didn't go very far and just sat in the car dreaming about booking a night on my own in the local Travelodge). When I returned we sat down and talked it through and sorted out a rota of sorts - I don't think he had any idea how utterly exhausted I was until I yelled at him. It worked for us - somehow you need to get across to him how worn out you are, how he must take some of the responsibility and make sure it's absolutely clear. It's not up to you to tell him to take the bins out, bath the baby or whatever - he needs to get on with stuff. Easier said than done, but unless you address it I suspect it will fester and become an even bigger issue.

Actual approximate timings were he went to bed about 930 ish woke at 2ish for half hour or so and got out of our four year old Dd's bed about 8am to start work at 10am to come home at 3pm!
I didn't moan at him in the morning but I had only had about 2 hours sleep in total!
I don't begrudge him sleeping when he's working but it's probably that along side his opinions that what I do is nothing so I have to do absolutely 100% of everything around the house day and night and what he does is everything so he can do very little when he gets home!

Or should I say I don't begrudge him sleeping when it seems a bit more necessary or when he's helped out loads and needs to catch up on sleep for an early start or a long drive the next day

didn't one kid just puke once and he cleaned that up cos she went back to bed? no sense everyone being up all night?

Puked once but was unsettled baby for some reason was just constantly unsettled all night!
To be fair yes it pissed me off but I just left him to it and had a moan it was the middle of the night I was tired. I am also very glad I was told I was being unreasonable it made me see sense still annoyed me but I just kept it in!
It was that added with the general attitude that i need to do everything and he just needs to work that caused the argument! Yes he works but we're not talking 60 hours a week or anything he has plenty of time at home!
We've sorted through it for now! But let's see how long it lasts!

That's a lot of sleep!

9.30 to bed when not getting up until 8?

REading the first post I thought that he had stayed up until 2ish to help which I was thinking was fair enough.

It's often as easy to get up & help as then it all gets sorted quicker & everyone back to bed.

I think that was also my biggest issue was he had near enough 11 hours sleep in the end! Even when First moaned I assumed he would be up perhaps 6ish which naturally would have added to my being unreasonable but yeah lots of sleep!

YANBU. I work part time so do a mix of days with DS and days at work. Days at work are a piece of piss compared to days at home. I also find the recommendations of a pj day hilarious. Will someone please send that memo to my whirlwind of a DS who never stops moving and needs to leave the house at least once a day even if ill?

It depends. If your family unit will collapse without his wage (as mine would have done) he needs to sleep more than you do. Sorry.

Cats by the sound of it I don't think there's ever going to be any chance of the OP's H not sleeping more than she does

YABVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVUUUUUUUUUUU

Would you give him a beer and put him on the road? No?

Driving whilst tired is as dangerous as driving drunk. Staying in bed "keeping children alive" (hyperbole much?) is not as important to ME a UK resident as keeping a potentially life ending driver off the road.

You chose to have kids but at the end of the day, I can't choose to avoid a car accident when your husband hits me because he's falling asleep at the wheel. It's actually incredibly irresponsible of you to try to insist he stay awake out of "solidarity" if that means endangering the lives of OTHER PEOPLE since his job involves driving. If you sit in the house, give your kids sweets and put the tv on all day, no one dies. If your husband goes to his driving job exhausted, he may actually kill someone.

Research suggests that almost 20% of accidents on major roads are sleep-related
Sleep-related accidents are more likely than others to result in a fatality or serious injury
Peak times for accidents are in the early hours and after lunch

All the posts here gloating that their husbands were exhausted and went off to work anyway are terrifying if there is any driving involved. You're patting yourselves on the back that you violated the law and endangered other drivers and pedestrians.