Is this wrong or am I being unreasonable?

[Tracker4]

'D'h and I have two children, both a little poorly tonight. the baby won't really settle and is still in our room, the 4 year old has joined us and been sick about an hour ago. She has now settled but the baby is waking every half hour or so just unsettled. I'm attempting to comfort both at various stages of upset and unsettled!
About half an hour ago husband just buggered off into the 4 year olds room, he has work tomorrow so needs sleep!
Aibu to think he should at least stay here and help even just a little? Even just to cuddle the 4 year old when she's getting sad! Or aibu because he has work tomorrow and I don't!

Yes return home to care for one poorly child and a baby who was awake for hours at a time at night. Than another school run.

That sounds good mammy if your dh will pick up the slack. Mine never did and I dont think I have ever got over how unsupportive he was in that newborn and colicky stage.

It's the lack of support that makes you question everything sometimes isn't it! I don't get it when I'm at work I will get by on very little sleep after a bad night I would never just take myself away from the situation to sleep I couldn't do it!

Absolutely tracker

Yabu he will need sleep so at least he can function at work the next day, we both work full time and both of us work flexibly to cover sickness so we'll both try and get an early night then if they are up whoever is on earlies will do the first half till 1 then whoever can go in later does the other shift as the likelihood is the kids will be knackared and sleep in longer than normal once they've got it out their system when I was on mat leave I did it all, then again it depends what he does

No your no being unreasonable. Most men have that attitude when it comes to their children. Because the work they do is paid they seem to think its more important than the unpaid work you do in the home. I would let him know that its just as hard staying at home. Its a product of our society am afraid the unpaid division of labour.

I don't think yabu at all. I do all the nights because I can cope with no sleep and OH can't, but if I struggle I'll ask him to help.
I think it depends on your situation. The idea of taking it easy with my DD is laughable. If she is ill and hasn't slept, she is much harder work the next day; she's somehow even more energetic, won't sit down, won't nap, throws tantrums on and off all day, gets violent... It's hideous. She's hard work ordinarily, and after a bad night it just saps the life out of you.

Imho, much harder than sitting at a desk. OH is lucky I can cope without sleep, or he wouldn't be getting off so easily!

Yes I know finding that on the rare occasions I work I still do night wakings or just survive on little sleep. I remember one occasion where I had to drive 80 miles to a conference on 5 hours sleep. Than a late night resulted in 6 hours sleep. I still managed to drive home next day.
Dh just never wakes up for the kids anymore. Tbf he did on rare occasions get up for 2 year old when we had a newborn too but since than nothing.

It would make sense you would want him to stay but unless I read wrong you mentioned the 4 year old is now settled and you have the one child to look after. Let him sleep. If things get were you can't handle them, then wake him up to help. No point him being exhausted for work if you are just getting up for one child.

It's funny that once I went back to work after ML it magically became ok for me to drive when tired, and work (same job as dh) while tired. That IS funny, isn't it?

DD didn't magically start sleeping well the day I went back to work. And I managed. Luckily DH knows that on puking nights, it's all hands on deck. And he does most of the nightmares and wee outings now, and DD is six.

My dh lets me sleep when our dd is sick so I can get to work in the morning and he'll then organize to work from home. When she was smaller and I was a SAHM, I did the same and let him sleep knowing I could catch up during naps. It might seem tricky and unfair but he has the responsibility to work to his best ability.

My OH had never helped with sick kids. Not just because he is a farmer and never gets a day off. He has cattle to feed and he is always worried about catching what the kids have. He can't take time off if he caught a sick bug. So it's not just because he needs sleep.
It can feel really tough sometimes though. And I have felt fed up having to cope on my own. Thankfully my older 2 are easier now. My 7 year old got chicken pox last year and he cried nearly the whole night one night. Exhausting! I thought we'd finished with nights without sleep!

I was about to say what Mrsterrypratchett said. This idea that the poor working parent can't possibly safely and effectively function on a crap night sleep rather begs the question of how people cope when both parents work full time and just HAVE to. when I went back after ML exdh and i (same job, same commute) were both pretty shattered a lot of the time and actually yes, probably were dangerously sleepy at the wheel but that's just how it was - you open the window, chew gum, swig coke or whatever to get through.

The wider issue of distribution of jobs though I always think stems from the usual set up that the mum is off for a while so the domestic side becomes 'theirs' and when they return to work, unless a conscious effort is made to address the new situation there is an assumption that she will somehow magically be able to carry on as before on the home front AND bring in a wage.

Also, if you've spent 12 months being the only source of night comfort for a baby, if in month 13 you decide to share wakenings 50:50, the child is unlikely to go along with this new arrangement.

Iggy that is such a good point. Dh never really helped at night for Dd2 or 3. With Dd3 especially he has never been able to settle her for sleep. He blames me breastfeeding. Well actually no it was because you had nothing to do with her for the first year of her life.