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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What daughter said happened

234 replies

hils1979 · 16/01/2017 22:57

First post, please be gentle!
My 5 yr old daughter has told me tonight that 6 boys in year 2 have twice (today and last Friday) cornered her in the playground, pulled her tights and knickers down, and looked and laughed at her girly bits.
This is the first I've heard of something like this and I'm shocked!!!
I know boys will be boys... but seriously?? Also she said she told 2 teachers and the head. But why hasn't anyone told us?
AIBU to think be the school should have contacted me and told me? Reassured me they were aware and dealing with it? Have they told the parents of the boys? Awkward as 3 are pretty good friends of mine.

OP posts:
SparklyLeprechaun · 16/01/2017 23:02

No, boys won't be boys. I've got a boy and he's managed not to pull any girl's knickers down. You've got to contact the school and ask them how they are going to deal with it, this is not acceptable.

DailyMailDontStealMyThread · 16/01/2017 23:02

As it happened in school keep it in school. I've learnt through the years that dealing with anything hands on with parents only ends with more drama.

You need to speak to the head asap and find out what they know. I personally would keep my daughter at home whilst I dealt with it with the school.

It's a very serious incident. Don't question your daughter over it. Just ask the head what they know and what they are doing about it and then if you are not happy write to the head and the school goveners.

WorraLiberty · 16/01/2017 23:02

Of course YANBU

You'll need to see the Head first thing tomorrow and get to the bottom of it immediately.

I have no idea what you mean by "I know boys will be boys" though.

Please don't use that ridiculous phrase when enquiring about this serious incident.

StarUtopia · 16/01/2017 23:04

Keep child at home. This is serious. I fail to see how this could even happen in the playground, so as it has, strikes of a very unsafe environment for any child. Ring Head asap tomorrow.

This is not normal boys behaviour btw at all.

IntelligentPutty · 16/01/2017 23:04

6 boys! Crowding around a girl (or a boy) and carrying out such bullying is not acceptable. I would be straight into the head to discuss this.
Your poor daughter at just 5 years old needs to know this is dealt with and the boys need to know it is not acceptable in no uncertain terms.

BillyButtfuck · 16/01/2017 23:06

Your poor daughter. Please make sure you tell her what they did is not right and that she did the best thing telling the school and you. (She sounds as though she is bright and knows this anyway).

Meeting with the head is best next step for you and request to see any notes made regarding incidents involving DD.

Bestthingever · 16/01/2017 23:07

I think I'd be contacting the school not posting on social media if that were my dd.

PastysPrincess · 16/01/2017 23:08

Flipping Heck! I would keep her off school too until you've spoken to the head. There is no circumstance I can think of where that would be acceptable. There is no such thing as boys will be boys; this is just a silly excuse that minimises bullying behaviour/assault.

SuburbanRhonda · 16/01/2017 23:08

So this happened last Friday and no member of staff did anything about it to the point where it was allowed to happen again today?

You really must get to the bottom of this, OP. It's unacceptable.

NavyandWhite · 16/01/2017 23:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
hils1979 · 16/01/2017 23:09

I don't know why I made that flippant comment, I guess I'm worried about over reacting. I'm not one to usually make a fuss. Relieved I'm not alone in thinking this is serious. I'm intending to go in first thing tomorrow when the school opens and say I need to see the head teacher before schools starts.

OP posts:
Awwlookatmybabyspider · 16/01/2017 23:09

I agree. This way surpasses boys being boys. Lets not be under any illusion. If your dd was 15 and they were 16/17. This would be called assault.

CardiganWay · 16/01/2017 23:09

I agree with PP that there's no way I'd let my daughter back in the playground until I understood what had happened and what was in place to prevent it happening again.

What you've described is a sexual assault.

BoxingHelena · 16/01/2017 23:10

I wouldn't send the child back to school until I spoke with Head, teacher,, playground assistant and the lot and also will call the local EA
this is shockingly serious! 6 boys involved and no adult has noticed anything ??? wtf

KERALA1 · 16/01/2017 23:13

I am a relatively laid back trust the school type but I would go nuclear if that happened to either of my dds.

Maudlinmaud · 16/01/2017 23:14

I'm really surprised the school didn't contact you. This is very serious op. Your child has been let down.

foxyloxy78 · 16/01/2017 23:17

This is serious. This is not bullying. This is assault and the school needs to be held accountable. I would not bring my daughter in until I was comfortable this matter was under control. Totally unacceptable for the school not to have mentioned it to you. Your daughter did the right thing to speak up. Many wouldn't have.

WorraLiberty · 16/01/2017 23:17

this is shockingly serious! 6 boys involved and no adult has noticed anything ??? wtf

And none of the other children either, who at that age normally can't wait to report any wrong doing from other children, to their teachers.

That points towards a woefully inadequately supervised playground imo.

Secluded playground spots should always be a priority when it comes to supervision.

sparkleploof · 16/01/2017 23:19

I would be very concerned the school did not make you aware of this, as another pp said if this were older children it would be an assault. Your dd has been massively been let down by the school.
I hope the school respond seriously and promptly.

Original poster
hils1979 · 16/01/2017 23:20

Trying to get my head around what to say to head tomorrow. I need to stay calm. Dd is ok, but she says the boys scared her.

OP posts:
meatloaf · 16/01/2017 23:21

Email the school now and tell them to tell the head and the safeguarding lead that you will be speaking to them first thing in the morning with regard to an urgent safeguarding issue. (The head at DD's school sometimes picks up general emails in the evening).

This is completely unacceptable. It's really serious and don't allow it to be minimised. I am furious for you and your daughter.

lifeisaconundrumattimes · 16/01/2017 23:21

It's possible the teachers don't know? If she hasn't told anyone and it wasn't spotted at the time then I suspect they didn't see it.

If they did know and you just weren't told then I'd be very surprised.

It doesn't make it better obviously, but I am sure if you speak to them tomorrow they will take it very seriously. I don't think there is any need for your daughter to stay off school unless when you take her in to discuss it you don't feel it is taken seriously enough.

Anotherbrokenheart · 16/01/2017 23:21

This is a serious safe guarding issues.

This isn't doctors and nurses where both the boy and girl are just exploring.

123bananas · 16/01/2017 23:22

Phone the headteacher first thing. Impress upon the office staff that is is a safeguarding issue that needs to be dealt with urgently and that your dd will not be attending until you are satisfied that she is safe.

I have had to deal with inappropriate behaviour from children as a parent of a reception age child twice (but no where as serious this, one child, same age as mine, inappropriate touching). In both instances it was dealt with very quickly. Given that this is a group of slightly older children I would expect this be dealt with with serious discipline measures for the boys involved and support put in place for your dd.

I hope the school are supportive of you and dd.

BillyButtfuck · 16/01/2017 23:24

I would go in, leaving DD at home if possible, if not take her with you in her own clothes and she can wait in reception. Make sure to be firm and not let them fob you off.
Tell the head you have been informed of the lack of safe guarding by the staff at the school which has led to very poor treatment of your DD by her peers whilst under school supervision. You would like to know why you were not informed by the school, exactly what they know about what happened, how it was recorded and what they are doing about the incidents which took place along with what they are doing to ensure nothing of this magnitude can ever happen again - to your DD or any other pupil in their care.