What daughter said happened

[hils1979]

First post, please be gentle!
My 5 yr old daughter has told me tonight that 6 boys in year 2 have twice (today and last Friday) cornered her in the playground, pulled her tights and knickers down, and looked and laughed at her girly bits.
This is the first I've heard of something like this and I'm shocked!!!
I know boys will be boys... but seriously?? Also she said she told 2 teachers and the head. But why hasn't anyone told us?
AIBU to think be the school should have contacted me and told me? Reassured me they were aware and dealing with it? Have they told the parents of the boys? Awkward as 3 are pretty good friends of mine.

I don't have time to read all the thread but don't want to read and run.

My professional opinion is:

1. don't "go nuclear" or all guns blazing. It'll achieve much less than being an adult and going in to discuss, get information, pass information on. You don't know at this stage exactly what heppened, who was told what etc.

2. I don't see the point in keeping your daughter off school. Have a very brief word with the teacher in the morning. Tell them you want your daughter watched in the playground and why. They will likely immediately take you or send you to SMT (prob. the head if available).

3. contact the head / head's PA or whoever is applicable to immeditaly talk about this. It is extremely serious and any head worth their salt will take it seriously.

4. categorising this as sexual assault is unhelpful. They are five / six. I'm not saying this is acceptable but it is also different compared to if they were older.

I don't think I would be sending my dd back in school until I was happy this had been dealt with

horrible though this is, at 6/7 they are not "going to be sex offenders" as a pp said.

Good idea to talk to the headteacher. The year 2 teacher is unlikely to be able to leave her class (containing all those "sex offenders" ) to meet at the same time.

I am truly shocked at this! Good luck today OP.

Your poor daughter.

If this were my daughter I would be speaking to the head teacher/head of safeguarding today before school and if you insist and are fobbed off, make it clear your daughter will not attend again until the incidents are investigated. Then go home and phone the EA to complain. If my son was involved in treating a girl in this way I would be horrified - this is way beyond just naughty or a bit of exploring and I would expect him to be disciplined by the school In addition to any discipline/education I would undertake myself.

Good luck OP. I would keep my dd off until I felt she was safe.

Don't be sympathetic towards the boys or get sidetracked into having conversations about excuses about their behaviour (which is what would happen in my dd's school). Just keep the focus on your daughter, her experience and her safety.

This needs to be recorded properly under safeguarding.

It needs to be felt with properly. Insist parents are bought in.

Dealt not felt

horrible though this is, at 6/7 they are not "going to be sex offenders"

If there are not serious consequences for them, they, and other boys in the school will be given a message loud and clear that humiliation of girls and women is acceptable and normal.

Brock Turner didn't even think he was doing anything wrong. Where did he get that message?

My comment about "going nuclear" doesn't mean ranting and raving. It means dropping everything and going into school first thing with Dh and not leaving until we have spoken to senior staff and understood exactly how they are going to keep our Dd safe. And not being fobbed off with minimising or excuses.

OP - i used to work in child protection and we would see this sort of thing a lot. It was not something that was investigated along with the police as the children involved were all to young to have any criminal responsibility and there was nothing overtly sexual about it, but it was bullying and horrible.

It needs to be dealt with properly by the school and social work might get involved too. I know our team would have done visits to each of the boys family to speak to the parents and the child about the seriousness of what they had done and the consequences of doing this as they got older. They might think it amusing now but to won't seem so funny if they do it when they are older and the police get involved.

My advice is to call the school and ask to speak to the HT to fond to what she knows. If she tries to sweep it under the carpet then you can contact your local child protection team to ask for advice.

A similar thing happened to my DD at around the same age. I didn't know anything about it until I dropped DD off at school the following day and her teacher asked to speak to me about an 'incident'. The boy that had done it was someone who my DD was friendly with, and I was on slight speaking terms with his mum. A couple of minutes later the boy's parents arrived together. The teacher had told them what had happened the night before. They were really embarrassed about it, and full of apologies to myself and DD. They told me that they had a discussion with their DS and explained that this was not appropriate behaviour. The boy then gave my DD a note that he had written apologising for his behaviour, and that he was sorry he had upset her etc. That was the end of it, and I had pretty much forgotten about it until I saw this post.

We had an incident not nearly as bad but a boy spat at Dd, all over her coat in year 3. The teacher ran out to see me, obviously upset himself. The other mother was horrified and tore a strip off her son there and then. I felt it had been dealt with really well as staff taking it so seriously and acting on the spot.

Hope the meeting goes well at school.

HardcoreLadyType

He was a 21 year old rapist. If you can't see the difference then god help us!

Fortunately I could this morning when I dealt with an attempted murder pushing another girl off the climbing frame.

KERALA1

My comment about "going nuclear" doesn't mean ranting and raving

Oh. I see.

And not being fobbed off with minimising

Maximising never helps either. I see the importance in remembering that we're the adults and they are children.

Didn't want to read and run. Hope you get this sorted. It's so hard trying to protect your children but still be reasonable (for me anyway).

This happened to me in primary school. Group of year 6 boys, think I was in year 3 or 4. They crept up behind me. My mum complained to the head, I don't remember anything else happening to the boys. I ended up at the same secondary as them, and they kept trying to grope me. Secondary didn't do anything, even when I reported it to a teacher, and I was too embarrassed to say anything to my mum. To this day, I really dislike people coming up behind me. Make sure you are happy with the outcome and if possible, get the outcome in writing.

I'm not minimising this, I think it's really important we learn to do things better.

Does anyone else remember the boys always used to pull our skirts up? Or kisschase? Playing doctors and nurses?

It definitely needs to be nipped in the bud when they are seven. This will not be the only bullying incident they are involved in, either. Even if you ignore the sexual element, they ganged together, cornered a smaller child, ignored her autonomy and scared her.

So sorry OP this is apalling!!! So bad so bad.

You need to talk to the head immediately and I will also be asking questions about where this gang has got the idea for this.

It is pretty much 6 boys cornering a girl and forcing her to do something that abusive, have they watched a movie? Heard it at home? This is awful OP so sorry.
And for DD

pickle oh boy do I remember the skirt lifting and how much I hate it? There was particularly 1 boy. We all wore shorts under our skirts and I was taller than the boys and not afraid of them (my brother is 4 years older and we played fought a lot, he trained me in a way - it was like maryial arts, no actually hurting each other)
So the boys in my class knew NOT to touch my skirts or else. But that left other girls getting more of it.

I think it is so bad I have no words. Those things need to be taught from day 1

Hmm, you do need to get to the bottom of this, but you also need to be sure of your facts. I find it very hard to believe your dd told two teachers and the head and nobody has done anything - or that no other dc saw what happened.

Don't go in all guns blazing - find out what happened first. Does your dd make up things usually?

Police first, for advice. Then school.
Kick up the biggest stink in the universe.
And find your daughter another school.
Somebody should tell social services to keep an eye on the boys who have done this, but that isn't your responsibility.

Police? Really?

aliPartout - really shocked by your attitude. A similar thing happened to me when I was 6, and I still remember it very clearly. I never told anyone. Being surrounded by a group of bigger boys and assaulted was confusing and terrifying, and left me feeling dirty and stupid for allowing it to happen. It is no way comparable to kids pushing each other off climbing frames FFS.
I have young kids now and I know that they are curious about "bits" but this is something different. They ARE children and they need adults to show them where the boundary is, and when normal curiosity becomes something completely and utterly unacceptable.