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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What daughter said happened

234 replies

hils1979 · 16/01/2017 22:57

First post, please be gentle!
My 5 yr old daughter has told me tonight that 6 boys in year 2 have twice (today and last Friday) cornered her in the playground, pulled her tights and knickers down, and looked and laughed at her girly bits.
This is the first I've heard of something like this and I'm shocked!!!
I know boys will be boys... but seriously?? Also she said she told 2 teachers and the head. But why hasn't anyone told us?
AIBU to think be the school should have contacted me and told me? Reassured me they were aware and dealing with it? Have they told the parents of the boys? Awkward as 3 are pretty good friends of mine.

OP posts:
TheNiffler · 16/01/2017 23:24

.

EZA15 · 16/01/2017 23:24

I would definitely speak to the head. Advise her/him you will be speaking with the governors and OFSTED of you are not happy with their response.

lifeisaconundrumattimes · 16/01/2017 23:24

I don't think it's necessarily woefully inadequate playground supervision.

There are often a hundred odd children out at playtime and only a few members of staff who are doing their best.

This could potentially have all happened very quickly and been missed quite easily.

However I would fully expect them to accept they should have seen it and they will in light of this need to review their supervision to see what they can do to ensure anything like that isn't missed in the future.

adamharriet · 16/01/2017 23:25

Please don't say "boys will be boys". That is a terrible attitude. Speak to the school tomorrow. This is absolutely unacceptable.

NavyandWhite · 16/01/2017 23:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BillyButtfuck · 16/01/2017 23:27

I wouldn't ring or email them, don't give them time to pretend they are looking into it. Turn up and demand to know exactly what's going on.

BlueberryGateaux · 16/01/2017 23:28

This is serious, try your Local Safeguarding board. Schools have a duty to safeguard children in their care.

lifeisaconundrumattimes · 16/01/2017 23:28

Billy but the headteacher wasn't there... They will have to have some time to investigate!!

I can guarantee if you ring a school with a concern like that they won't just ignore it!!! If they do, you call the police...

WorraLiberty · 16/01/2017 23:29

I agree with meatloaf in that you should email the school now and say you'll need to see the Head first thing, regarding a serious safeguarding issue.

Most office staff are in school a good hour or more before it starts, so that should give the HT enough notice.

Make sure you include the word 'Urgent' in the email heading.

EverySongbirdSays · 16/01/2017 23:30

You need to do everything other posters have said, in terms of the school and the Head but also have the NSPCC guideline "Pants discussion" with your daughter

Guidance here :

www.nspcc.org.uk/preventing-abuse/keeping-children-safe/underwear-rule/

BillyButtfuck · 16/01/2017 23:32

But the head has already been made aware by OPs DD, I appreciate he wasn't there and that he needs time to prepare but he should have been doing so since the minute he was notified.

Mollyringworm · 16/01/2017 23:34

Op, I wouldn't blame the playground supervisors for this, the head teacher will latch onto that as the problem and then you are following the route of it being the staffs fault (who are trying to keep and eye on god knows how many kids whizzing around the playground as well as all the separate incidents they have to sort out each lunchtime). Kids will always find a corner of the playground to do underhand things. my mum was a dinner lady for years and spent half her time taking kids to be 'put on the wall' when they did something wrong (protocol back then)!
The boys are at fault and you should follow this route which will hopefully lead to them being severely told off and given a lecture as to why it's wrong and also I am sure their parents will be told (so they'll also get a bollocking at home) if my boys did this I'd be mortified and they would be getting a major telling off.

DJBaggySmalls · 16/01/2017 23:35

The school have had their chance; go to the police.
Its likely that somewhere in that crowd is one disturbed ringleader. That child needs supervision and extra support or he is going to end up on the sex offenders register.

lifeisaconundrumattimes · 16/01/2017 23:35

Yes, what Words and othrrs have said.

Send an email so she/he knows what he needs to investigate and I am certain they will see you ASAP in the morning.

They will have strict protocol to follow and it won't just be brushed under the carpet.

Suppermummy02 · 16/01/2017 23:35

Speak to head, as everyone says. But if my DS did this or if I had ever heard of any boy ever doing this I would be seriously worried (I never have). This a serious issue if as described.

lifeisaconundrumattimes · 16/01/2017 23:36

DJ what chance did the school have?

Original poster
hils1979 · 16/01/2017 23:36

Hubby has emailed his boss to say he's working from home tomorrow, so he will come in with me. We are going to ask to speak to head straight away and the year 2 teacher of the boys.
Thank u for all your supportive comments, theyve really helped me.
How do I contact local safeguarding team? Is that through the school or the council?

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 16/01/2017 23:38

To be fair, we don't know exactly what the OP's 5yr old told the Head.

The Head will need to know that she or he will need to deal with this first thing in the morning.

Springing it on him/her unannounced isn't going to be particularly helpful, especially if the Head has meetings/might be out of school in the morning.

They will need to arrange for a member of the SLT to be free to see the OP.

Mollyringworm · 16/01/2017 23:39

djbaggysmalls
These boys are 6-7 years old. To go to the police would be a complete overreaction and I suspect they would be very bemused by it (what with being out catching criminals and all).
What has happened to the op's dd is awful and I'd be outraged. But They're little kids. Be reasonable.

candycoatedwaterdrops · 16/01/2017 23:39

OP has apologised for saying what she did, she was likely in shock. It's a horrible thing to have happen. I agree that you need to speak to the school first thing tomorrow. I'd also consider whether she is able to be kept safe there and that is the first question I'd be asking; "how are you going to keep my child (and other children) safe?". It is very poor that they didn't inform you of this and definitely grounds for a complaint. However, finding out exactly what happened and which adults were there is a starting point.

The NSPCC "pants" campaign is also a good one, as someone else said. Do take a look when you feel able to take it all in.

BlueberryGateaux · 16/01/2017 23:44

Local Safeguarding board through your Local Authority.

Evilwickedmeanandnasty · 16/01/2017 23:44

What a horrible situation. Stay strong when you speak to the school, don't let them fob you off with them only being 6-7 years old. Your daughter is only 5 and was being baited by a large group, older and bigger than her. I don't think involving Police is an over-reaction, I think too often people excuse children's behaviour but this is inexcusable and needs to be dealt with hard and fast. Flowers

meatloaf · 16/01/2017 23:45

There will be a designated safeguarding lead for the school, as well as a couple of back-ups - look on the school website as they should provide this information as well as a policy document.

Deal with the head and safeguarding lead - it needs to go beyond the class teacher.

Do not let them fob you off, but appreciate they may have to do investigations.

I know you made the flippant comments about boys will be boys, but do not go in with this attitude ever. It's completely unacceptable.

Italiangreyhound · 16/01/2017 23:45

hils I am so sorry this is a really horrible thing to happen.

Make sure your dd knows that she did the right thing to tell you and that the boys are totally wrong to do this.

"I don't know why I made that flippant comment, I guess I'm worried about over reacting. I'm not one to usually make a fuss. Relieved I'm not alone in thinking this is serious. I'm intending to go in first thing tomorrow when the school opens and say I need to see the head teacher before schools starts."

It's completely understandable that you would be saying things that are a bit strange after a shock like this. Please just do not repeat it. Be very serious with the head and don't make any allowances for why these boys acted the way they did.

"Trying to get my head around what to say to head tomorrow. I need to stay calm. Dd is ok, but she says the boys scared her."

Write everything down, make sure you have got things clear and if you get upset you can refer to what you have written.

WorraLiberty · 16/01/2017 23:46

The playground supervisors are not to blame, but lack of enough playground supervisors could well be.

I know the school I'm Chair of Govs at, has had most of its budgets stripped down to the bare bones and could definitely do with more supervisory staff, to take the pressure off the ones they already have.

Either way, you need to start with the Head, OP.

I wouldn't worry about contacting safeguarding teams, governors or anyone else unless you're unhappy about the way this issue is dealt with, after speaking to the Head.