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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What daughter said happened

234 replies

hils1979 · 16/01/2017 22:57

First post, please be gentle!
My 5 yr old daughter has told me tonight that 6 boys in year 2 have twice (today and last Friday) cornered her in the playground, pulled her tights and knickers down, and looked and laughed at her girly bits.
This is the first I've heard of something like this and I'm shocked!!!
I know boys will be boys... but seriously?? Also she said she told 2 teachers and the head. But why hasn't anyone told us?
AIBU to think be the school should have contacted me and told me? Reassured me they were aware and dealing with it? Have they told the parents of the boys? Awkward as 3 are pretty good friends of mine.

OP posts:
meatloaf · 16/01/2017 23:48

It's shite and you'll still be in shock.

I hope your DD is OK and great that you have fantastic relationship with her and she can tell you all sorts. Flowers

38cody · 16/01/2017 23:48

THIS IS VERY SERIOUS AND YOU NEED TO DEMND TO SEE HEAD TOMORROW MORNING - CLASS TEACHER IS NOT ENOUGH, DON'T MOVE UNTIL ITS SORTED AND KEEP YOUR DAUGHTER AWAY UNTIL ITS SORTED.

fallenempires · 16/01/2017 23:49

First post @ this time of night & the "first post please be gentle!" This doesn't sit well with me at all.

Mollyringworm · 16/01/2017 23:50

I hope you get it sorted op, imagining that happening to my 5yo dd - it makes me feel ill..

PoohBearsHole · 16/01/2017 23:51

the school should have a safeguarding protocol, this involves a process. at this point going to the police would be a very last resort.

firstly approaching the teachers and head, they will then investigate between themselves. this is disturbing and unusual behaviour and could stem from something more sinister that is happening to one or more of the children at home. this will be seriously investigated and in our school social services could also become involved.

if this behaviour has happened it won't be fobbed off and it should be flagged up by you u regardless so they can keep an eye out.

boys being boys does not involve this kind of behaviour.

just out of curiosity, they haven't had a safeguarding talk recently at school have they? this can bring up issues in itself.

good luck op and stand your ground, it's disappointing that no teacher has mentioned any incidents at school to you ☹️

HelenaWay · 16/01/2017 23:54

boys will be boys WTF Confused

WorraLiberty · 16/01/2017 23:56

Ya think so 38Cody?

unlucky83 · 16/01/2017 23:58

It is worrying and you must talk to the HT tomorrow
But do not go in all guns blazing until you know exactly what happened and if in fact the school (teachers) do know -and if not why not?

It isn't about not believing your DD and something obviously happened but sometimes a child's version of an event from their perspective isn't the full story.
I can't see a valid explanation at the moment for how it can be any different from what your DD has said but go in calmly and find out the school's version too. I am hoping (for your DD) it isn't as serious as it sounds...but if it is they need to take immediate action.

(Saying be cautious because slightly different but DD, at I guess about 6, came home in tears over a racist incident. DD's version of events was shocking - a teacher had been involved as well. DP was furious, was all for going into the school shouting. I managed to calm him down and just asked the school what happened.

I got the schools version before I told them DD's version -and they matched - except certain important facts had been missing from DD's version - she hadn't been lying or not telling the full truth - just, from her point of view, the missing facts were not relevant. But they changed the whole complexion of the event... and when I checked the missing facts with her the school's version was correct... One child did get a talking to -they had been unpleasant but not racist. )

Bunnyfuller · 16/01/2017 23:58

This is sexual assault. Boys cannot 'be boys' and this needs to be dealt with now. I hope your little girl is ok, I'm actually livid for you.

This is very worrying behaviour from the boys - they know full well even at this age. Something not quite right going on.

Original poster
hils1979 · 17/01/2017 00:00

Thanks for the support again!
Email at this time is I only heard about it this evening when I got in from work and hubby and I have been discussing how to deal with it. TBH I had no idea how to deal with the school. First post so please be gentle as asking exactly that!
We feel more organised to speak to head tomorrow. I have sent an email headlined urgent telling them to expect us.

OP posts:
BriefExclamations · 17/01/2017 00:02

.

roseshippy · 17/01/2017 00:05

this isn't your first post; the school is possibly identifiable from your previous post.

playinthedarkness · 17/01/2017 00:10

Can I just add that if you write down what your daughter has told you, please use the exact words she did, it's important the way she said it and the words she used. Hope tomorrow goes well.

AnyFucker · 17/01/2017 00:10

Op, you are easily identifiable

Ask HQ to pull your thread

Amandahugandkisses · 17/01/2017 00:19

Your poor girl. She had the bravery to tell and look at the non reaction Angry
Please don't let this go.
If there's anything to go in blazing to a school about it's this! I would be furious.

fallenempires · 17/01/2017 00:19

So it's not your first post as a pp has suggested & why the "please be gentle"? Nobody needs to be asked that in these type of situations.The help & advice will be here.Don't abuse those willing to take their time out to post.

stealtheatingtunnocks · 17/01/2017 00:21

Boys will not "be boys"

Boys will be what we expect them to be

good luck

Original poster
hils1979 · 17/01/2017 00:23

Thank you all, I'll update tomorrow.
As far as I know I haven't done a previous post, and tbh if I'm identified through this one, so be it. Nothing to be worried about, I have a legitimate worry that I've asked opinions on.

OP posts:
roseshippy · 17/01/2017 00:26

your previous post was 5 years ago and says you live in a particular village in Kent

Benedikte2 · 17/01/2017 00:28

Good luck OP. Main thing is to stay clear re your primary concern that your daughter is kept safe and not to be fobbed off.

shouldwestayorshouldwego · 17/01/2017 00:31

Also make it clear the impact on your daughter. It is horrible having to discuss consent with a young child but she needs to know that she was right to report it. I would even ask the HT to tell her in front of you that she did the right thing. She also needs to know that she can always say no.

fallenempires · 17/01/2017 00:38

OP you have, even identifying where you live.I'd ask for the thread to be deleted in everyone's interests.

Original poster
hils1979 · 17/01/2017 00:44

As I said, I'm ok being identifiable. I haven't identified anyone else so. Can't see the problem.

OP posts:
Peanutandphoenix · 17/01/2017 00:58

I would get in touch with the school and try and sort this out now if I where you I'm speaking from experience here so please do something more than just speak to the school I'm 27 and I'm still trying to deal with what happened to me in school please don't allow the school to just brush it under the carpet like they did with me. Pm me if you need any help or advice.

roseshippy · 17/01/2017 01:13

Your family's ages and your location, your age (username?), possibly your name (username?) are described, your children would seem identifiable, and as subject to safeguarding concerns this seems unwise???

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