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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say no dsc this weekend?

243 replies

DontGoRhiannonStay · 13/01/2017 21:58

Dp has a ds (14) and a dd(13). He and I have a ds (23 months) We normally get dsc EOW. Ds has been pretty ill, he spent a few weeks in hospital, he is came home on Wednesday. He is very weak still, he isn't himself and we have been told to avoid him picking up any bugs while he recovers if we can.
Dsd has apparently been sick all week and is still being sick tonight, so dp and I decided that we would have to make the horrible decision not to have them to stay this weekend. i suggested dp take them
Out for the day tomorrow is dsd feels a bit better but he said he is too worried he will pick up this sickness bug and ds will be poorly again and probably end up back in hospital. We don't know what to do without hurting their feelings but at the same time at the moment my unwell little baby comes first. I really don't want to see him so ill again. Aibu?

OP posts:
ItsAMessyLife · 13/01/2017 21:59

What would you do if they were your own children? Or if they lived with you full time?

Babyiwantabump · 13/01/2017 22:02

I don't think you are being unreasonable here - if I was in the same situation I'd wouldn't have them either - and if it was my daughter I wouldn't send her to stay with her dad if she was ill anyway .

MrsRaegan · 13/01/2017 22:03

It's difficult. I get the anxiety over it but your husband is being a bit precious. There's nothing stopping him taking them out for the day.

Mummymoanasaurus · 13/01/2017 22:07

Yanbu surely his daughter would be too ill to come anyway if she is still being sick. I wouldn't want there to be any chance of a small child just out of hospital to be getting a stomach bug

Itsamessylife - if it was your own child you suck it up and put strict hygiene restrictions in place but that is not the case is it?

JennyOnAPlate · 13/01/2017 22:08

Yes yabu. What would you do if they lived with you full time?

FeliciaJollygoodfellow · 13/01/2017 22:09

I don't think YABU but I also don't think that their mum would be unreasonable to say no.

The best thing IMO is to communicate with either the children themselves or their mum and ask them what they think.

Nizuc · 13/01/2017 22:09

I think you are being sensible. It has probably been a stressful time and won't hurt to have a weekend off for everyone to recover. You can always have them for an extra weekend another time.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 13/01/2017 22:10

I can't really see what else you can do. I'm sure the step children are old enough to understand that it's for the wellbeing of their wee brother.

throwingpebbles · 13/01/2017 22:10

Have DSC and DC and I think this would be pretty much the only circumstance when this would be the right decision. But in this circumstances I think it is the right one. Would their mum agree to a swap for the following weekend instead? I know I would happily agree a swap in those circumstances and so would DSC mum.
Hope your DS is recovering and feeling better soon Flowers

MinnowAndTheBear · 13/01/2017 22:10

No YANBU avoid any further risks. Offer to have DSC and extra weekend another time instead.

throwingpebbles · 13/01/2017 22:12

In fact if they were all my own children in this situation I would probably make sure they were staying in separate places.

Indeed I had that exact dilemma when Dd was born - DS was discharged from a serious stay in hospital the weekend she was born. We kept them apart for a few days (I stayed in a private room) as we felt it best for both of them.

AddToBasket · 13/01/2017 22:12

Of course you have them. They aren't like other visitors.

You are effectively saying that they can't come home when they are ill. Or is it not their home?

Peanutbutterrules · 13/01/2017 22:14

Completely reasonable. There is no reason to risk it.

throwingpebbles · 13/01/2017 22:15

No she isn't basket! These aren't normal circumstances, there is a child just out of hospital to consider.

I would never consider saying no to DSC because they were ill, but if I had a child just out of hospital I would like to think everyone would recognise the unique circumstances

Hassled · 13/01/2017 22:15

It's irrelevant what the OP would or wouldn't do if there were her own children or with her FT - the point is they aren't and they don't so she has the option to say no, while the DSD is being sick she should stay away from unwell baby. And yes, they're old enough to understand that. Are relations with their mother good enough that she'll be OK with the change of routine?

yabusothere · 13/01/2017 22:16

YABU

It's their home too. You wouldn't treat your own children like that

Your partner sounds awful thinking about himself not picking up the bug. So his daughter misses out on seeing her dad because he doesn't want to get ill? Your partner isn't going to stop all contact with anybody in the outside world so could bring a bug home anytime to your son anyway. Plenty of people are incubating illnesses without showing any symptoms

PaulAnkaTheDog · 13/01/2017 22:18

People are loopy on step parent threads. The extreme, whack job comments come in thick and fast so just ignore.

Isadora2007 · 13/01/2017 22:19

He doesn't not want to see his daughter to avoid a bug for himself he doesn't want to to pass a bug onto his child who is just out of hospital FFS.
OP YANBU at all.

NoraDora · 13/01/2017 22:19

Yabu bloody hell you can't just not have them because someone is ill.

They are your dhs own kids. Not random visitors.

JustSpeakSense · 13/01/2017 22:21

YABU

throwingpebbles · 13/01/2017 22:24

"He doesn't not want to see his daughter to avoid a bug for himself he doesn't want to to pass a bug onto his child who is just out of hospital FFS. "

This.

And if they were Ops own kids i doubt hospital would want to discharge a little one who is still recovering to a house with a vomiting child in it, I think they would encourage other arrangements to be made!
I know we had paediatricians in both hospitals pondering what to do about DS and DD the weekend he was being discharged (still ill) and she was born (traumatic birth). Best to keep them apart was the verdict

PaulAnkaTheDog · 13/01/2017 22:24

Yes op! Sod the wellbeing of your son even though there is a perfectly reasonable alternative! I'm sure your step children would be more than happy to put their sibling at risk because it's their 'dad's weekend'... Or, they're decent children, mum is understanding enough and there is no fuss.

Camelsinthegobi · 13/01/2017 22:24

YANBU. I've kept my own two children as separate as possible when one was poorly and the other was immune compromised. Nearly drove me crazy, but I did it. Do it. Send DPs children two thoughtful gifts and letters explaining, skype and try to swap weekends. Ignore the people saying 'what if they were your own' blah blah. Life is full of 'what ifs', you need a practical approach here.

Akire · 13/01/2017 22:25

If they do come the daughter would have to be up in own room ideally own bathroom. Her dad would have to do all cleaning up and extra care with washing. You would have to keep baby totally away and prob sleep in another room to make sure enough time has passed until dad definitely didn't have it to pass it on.
OR just all stay own rooms/homes in till both children are stronger much less stress all round. Why would you want to do that unless you really had too. Hardly quality time being sick somewhere else. Thought should risk another hospital immisdion for very small baby because of very very small chance an older child may feel slightly put out is rubbish.

MycatsaPirate · 13/01/2017 22:25

YANBU

No where else on MN would it be acceptable to have DC in the house when they have been vomiting for days on end.

It doesn't matter whose DC they are, they have the option to stay away and it's right that they do so.

You have the ability to stop the spread of infection so use that and say they are more than welcome to come next weekend instead.