To say no dsc this weekend?

[DontGoRhiannonStay]

Dp has a ds (14) and a dd(13). He and I have a ds (23 months) We normally get dsc EOW. Ds has been pretty ill, he spent a few weeks in hospital, he is came home on Wednesday. He is very weak still, he isn't himself and we have been told to avoid him picking up any bugs while he recovers if we can.
Dsd has apparently been sick all week and is still being sick tonight, so dp and I decided that we would have to make the horrible decision not to have them to stay this weekend. i suggested dp take them
Out for the day tomorrow is dsd feels a bit better but he said he is too worried he will pick up this sickness bug and ds will be poorly again and probably end up back in hospital. We don't know what to do without hurting their feelings but at the same time at the moment my unwell little baby comes first. I really don't want to see him so ill again. Aibu?

needahalo The step children are teenagers, not toddlers. They don't need childcare. Also, we don't even know if the mum works!

The step children are teenagers, not toddlers. They don't need childcare. Also, we don't even know if the mum works!

It makes no difference whether she's at work or intends to watch Netflix with a bottle of vodka for the weekend. The point is, if she doesn't want to, she should be under no obligation. She has done more than her fair share of parenting for 12 days of the fortnight. Other posters have used the word bitch and cunt at the suggestion that it is not the ex wife's responsibility to change her plans for her ex's youngest child.

And I can imagine the step mum outrage if a sick child was left on her own.

"The point is, if she doesn't want to, she should be under no obligation."

Of course she should be under no obligation.

But unless she is doing something she can't easily change then isn't being nice something people should do if they can?

And if a parent needs child care surely the first person they should ask is the other parent?

candy we don't know she works, or whether she works at the weekend but we can guess she probably does - as opposed to living it up on child maintenance payments. What we do know is that she does the lion's share of the parenting, the lion's share of the physical care and almost certainly bears the lion's share of the cost of raising these other 2 children. She would be superwoman not to want a break.

But unless she is doing something she can't easily change then isn't being nice something people should do if they can?

I have said several times on the thread that I don't believe the ex is being unreasonable. I have also said that I would, as a general rule, have no issue with keeping the children at home under such circumstances.

But still the words bitch and cunt are used at the suggestion that I would be under no obligation to do this - for a million and one reasons that may be reasonable or very unreasonable.

Sorry - I don't believe the OP is being unreasonable.

Annie I always forget to cater for those who willfully misunderstand the meaning of posts they disagree with on MN. You are absolutely correct, I should have qualified my statement with "if I could". I would change my plans to help absolutely anybody in this situation "if I could". I think it was pretty clear really what I meant. My point is that I don't think it's right to refuse to help just because it's technically not your problem. Obviously work cannot always be rearranged, but some plans can be changed easily and it certainly doesn't always incur a cost to do so, so the speculation on my financial position was a little off.

"My point is that I don't think it's right to refuse to help just because it's technically not your problem."

This. Oh, my word, this.

Yeah, well, if your children end up (heaven forbid) at their siblings funeral or burdened with caring for a sibling disabled by complications bought on by infection then at least you can say 'Look, I know it's hard for you darling, but if it's any consolation Mummy had an evening watching Netflix and drinking vodka'.

But how do you judge that.? Or what right do you have to judge that?

It is easy to say 'take a day off' for example and to assume based on job title that as no one will die, it's not a problem. But you can't know how many days off the ex has had to have in the last few months and what sort of warning she might be on. You don't know there is a round of redundancies coming up, but she does. You don't know if she is close to the bone with money and can literally not afford it.

People have a right to decide their own situation is a priority and not have to explain that. Even if you want to help, missing that day at work could be disasterous so you can't.

Bill the people arguing that point have said OP is not BU. The issue is with the assumption, NOT with asking.

Personally I think op is nbu and I'm a mum not a step mum.

My exh has a baby and if dd was ill I would expect that I'd keep our dd home and not expose his baby unnecessarily to the illness even without a prior hospital stay to consider. If I had to cancel my plans that would be fine (unless it was work and there was no possibility). Isn't it just common human decency to want to avoid a little baby getting ill - and Dd would be fine as she would care about her little brothers health. I'd be fine with him assuming it and not asking too - well I'd offer to keep her before he had to.

Halo ^ said up there It makes no difference whether she's at work or intends to watch Netflix with a bottle of vodka for the weekend. The point is, if she doesn't want to, she should be under no obligation^.

I would say that, yes, basic human decency would obligate you to forgo an evening drinking vodka and watching Netflix to help protect a sick baby. But apparently a few people on this thread don't possess much of that.

I am a mother. Ex is marrying his partner. All very amicable.

Look, I know it's hard for you darling, but if it's any consolation Mummy had an evening watching Netflix and drinking vodka

If this was what I had planned of course I would swap without question.

If it was work - then I might ASK my client if they could rearrange but if they couldn't neither could I.

Its not helpful to suggest that I could simply drop everything - I would try my damndest but it doesn't always happen. I am self-employed. If I don't work, I don't get paid and then I can't pay for the bills for the child ex and I have together.

Incan completely understand the need for your child to not get ill, hopefully they were able to swap weekends. However if the mum had commitments she couldn't change then it's down to your dp to sort and pay for whatever is needed.

I would say that, yes, basic human decency would obligate you to forgo an evening drinking vodka and watching Netflix to help protect a sick baby. But apparently a few people on this thread don't possess much of that

Sigh. You just don't get it. You have no right to judge an individual's circumstances because you don't know the whole story. The ex can do what she wants. She is not a cunt for doing what works for her,

But you said that halo, you said she was under no obligation even if all she had planned was drinking vodka and watching Netflix. But basic human decency would mean that any person with an ounce of compassion wouldn't prioritise that over protecting the health of a sick baby. And yes, I would say that if you insisted on sending your children in those circumstances then others would absolutely have every right to judge you and call you a cunt. It doesn't matter if getting shitfaced is 'what works for her'.

"She is not a cunt for doing what works for her"

Well, frankly, she is if she knows the situation and refused to help solely "because it is his weekend"

I think it also depends on your relationship with your ex (would he help you out in a similar situation) and whether you thought he had other options (grandparents around the corner fe). I wouldn't necessarily rush in to be the solution if there were possible alternatives, esp if he was basically a twat.

Yeah, well, if your children end up (heaven forbid) at their siblings funeral or burdened with caring for a sibling disabled by complications bought on by infection then at least you can say 'Look, I know it's hard for you darling, but if it's any consolation Mummy had an evening watching Netflix and drinking vodka'

The best post on this thread. ^^

It is easy to judge, isn't it? Far easier than considering the literally millions of situations an individual,person may have been through. The father has an equal responsibility towards all his children but as always, some are more equal than others.

YANBU at all.

There is never any justifiable reason for sending an ill child to be cared for in the same house as a seriously ill baby because you're going to get pissed and watch telly. Never, ever. You can engage in any sort of whataboutery that you want but that is inhuman and selfish.

YADNBU

It's one weekend for the health of your small child. Seriously.