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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to feel massively left out?

351 replies

Pritchyx · 04/12/2016 09:31

I work in the motor trade for a very busy dealership. There is 3 receptionists including myself. Anyway, yesterday one of my receptionist colleagues got married.
Every person in our dealership bar workshop technicians (she doesn't know them as they're separated from us) were invited. Except me.
I've got to work this morning and everybody is talking about how good it was etc. And people coming upto me asking why I wasn't there... I felt horrifically stupid for replying "I wasn't invited"... A few colleagues who have only been there a month, if that were also invited... I've worked with her for months and knew her prior to her working with me, but only in passing.

Aibu to feel really left out?

OP posts:
Freshprincess · 04/12/2016 09:33

Not unreasonable at all, that's a pretty big snub!

Don't you get on with her?

LottieL · 04/12/2016 09:33

Do you get on with her? Did your invite go missing?
It does seem unfair to invite everyone else and not you, but it's her day and she should have who she wants there. She can't invite people (non family) just for the sake of their feelings.
YANBU to feel left out though!

greenfolder · 04/12/2016 09:35

I would feel the same.

user1479495984 · 04/12/2016 09:36

You aren't being unreasonable.

I don't think she's being unreasonable not to invite you but she's definitely being unreasonable to item essentially randoms and deliberately exclude you.

Original poster
Pritchyx · 04/12/2016 09:39

We get on really well! So that's probably why I'm so bothered, we also text outside of work hours!
She's also handed out invites to a few people whilst I've been sat next to her!
I text her before and after yesterday wishing her good luck and congratulations etc!

Just a bit awkward at work now with everyone asking me why I didn't go!

OP posts:
user1479495984 · 04/12/2016 09:41

Ooooooh Blush

That's awful, I think I'd have to ask her.

Boomerwang · 04/12/2016 09:50

Have it out with her. I want to know what she says. Cmon! At the very least drop a comment like 'Congratulations on your wedding. I heard the do was great! XXX person can't stop talking about it. I would love to have seen it'

Sassypants82 · 04/12/2016 09:52

This happened to me. Colleague (friend!) & I were planning our weddings, we'll see was planning, I'd just got engaged. Mine was about a year after hers. We ate lunch together every day, talked constantly about her wedding. Myself and another girl were the only ones not invited. It could have been argued that us three were closest. Everyone else got invited. I was miffed but really didn't mind. Wished her well & gave her an evening invitation to my own day. She didn't come though.

pictish · 04/12/2016 09:53

Think you're going to have to ride this one out. She doesn't like you it seems...and there's not a lot you can do about that. I'm sorry this happened to you...I would feel hurt too.

pictish · 04/12/2016 09:56

"Have it out with her. I want to know what she says. Cmon!"

Why on earth would you advise this? She is under no obligation to explain herself...and the reason is clear anyway. Why would you force that out of her?

"Um yeah...I'm not keen on you, sorry."

Ouch!

HaveNoSocks · 04/12/2016 09:56

YANBU. Unless you're sworn enemies it's pretty harsh to ommit only one person, especially when it's clearly a big enough wedding to invite people who she's only known a little while. Still nothing you can do but ride it out gracefully, you'll come across as the nicer person.

PaulDacresConscience · 04/12/2016 09:58

Ouch, that's unkind.

I invited all of my immediate colleagues when I got married - including one person that I really did not like. I didn't want him there but it would have been so rude to have issued invites to everyone else and left him out.

I would ask her, on the basis that it's very awkward for you with people talking about it. Say something like: This is really difficult to ask but I'd like to know why you didn't invite me, because I am being asked by why I didn't attend your wedding when everyone else went

When you snub someone like this then it's not unreasonable for the person being snubbed to want to know why. It's unfair as most people will leave it due to embarrassment, but by not asking then she is making it a problem for you to deal with, which isn't fair. Why should you have to field the enquiries about why you weren't there?

Damselindestress · 04/12/2016 10:00

YANBU. I think it's rude to invite everyone from one group like work colleagues except one person. It would be different if she only invited a few friends from work but everyone else including recent hires is bound to make you feel left out. Since you get on well and talk outside work I would have to ask her what happened and if she's upset at you about something. It doesn't make sense.

user1479495984 · 04/12/2016 10:00

She should have invited her even if she wasn't keen on her if she's having a stupid big enough do to invite colleagues and especially ones she hasn't known long. Otherwise she risks looking like a complete bitch. I think the fact others are asking too why she wasn't there implies she's well liked and it was assumed she'd be invited.

timeisnotaline · 04/12/2016 10:01

I am another one who thinks you should ask. It's pretty rude and she should be made aware that everyone has noticed. Otherwise she completely gets away with being so rude. Yes it's her day, but there is a limit to what that entitles you to!

MrsMcMoo · 04/12/2016 10:02

I would want to ask, tactfully, just in case it was a misunderstanding/ lost invite situation.

Yanbu.

KitKat1985 · 04/12/2016 10:02

If you normally get on well and text outside of work hours, are you sure she didn't just forget to give you an invite? Obviously it's her wedding and she can invite who she likes, but it's pretty off to invite everyone else in the office except one person.

MrsMcMoo · 04/12/2016 10:03

Boomerwang's suggestion might work.

Finola1step · 04/12/2016 10:03

Been in your shoes. Its crap. For the next few days, hold your head up at work. Don't get drawn into wedding conversations. But treat your self kindly. The message from this is that she doesn't see the friendship in the way that you do. There is no point trying to find out why. Don't over analyze this.

When she returns, full of wedding news, smile and nod. Be cordial, polite and professional. But stop there. No texts after work. No little favours. No girly chats. Just a professional relationship from here on in.

NavyandWhite · 04/12/2016 10:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Pritchyx · 04/12/2016 10:05

I'd ask her, but I'd feel awkward. Plus I won't see her until the 15th now!
I've obviously wished her well and sent my congratulations.

Considering I thought she was a friend, it's a big snub. I'd understand if it was a numbers thing but no idea! She's also helped me through my split with my now-ex and other issues which not many people know about - so I'd consider her to be a friend. Just feel a bit let down and hurt really! Sad

OP posts:
Gobbolinothewitchscat · 04/12/2016 10:07

I wouldn't ask.

finola's advice is spot on

onelastpigout · 04/12/2016 10:08

Is she a workplace asslicker?
If she is and she knows the boss,doesn't like,you, she won't want to be 'seen' being too friendly to you.

That's,the only explanation I can think off for such a nasty snub.

I would ask her.

TeaMeBasil · 04/12/2016 10:11

That's awful for you - I'd feel the same.

I'd go with Finolas advice too, remain dignified & be polite but from now on no more than a purely work relationship - it's obviously how she sees it anyway. Try not to feel too bad, it really doesn't sound like you've done anything wrong to deserve such a public snub.

tiej · 04/12/2016 10:11

I've never thought this before on similar threads, but surely in this instance, it has to have been a misunderstanding.