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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to feel massively left out?

351 replies

Pritchyx · 04/12/2016 09:31

I work in the motor trade for a very busy dealership. There is 3 receptionists including myself. Anyway, yesterday one of my receptionist colleagues got married.
Every person in our dealership bar workshop technicians (she doesn't know them as they're separated from us) were invited. Except me.
I've got to work this morning and everybody is talking about how good it was etc. And people coming upto me asking why I wasn't there... I felt horrifically stupid for replying "I wasn't invited"... A few colleagues who have only been there a month, if that were also invited... I've worked with her for months and knew her prior to her working with me, but only in passing.

Aibu to feel really left out?

OP posts:
Creampastry · 04/12/2016 10:45

In your mind imagine her having the worst d&v and getting huge Pus filled spots on her face whilst she's in her honeymoon .... she's a butch. BUT ... do what finola said.

Serin · 04/12/2016 10:47

My guess is that you are far prettier and more stylish than her, and she didn't want you 'stealing' her limelight.

tiej · 04/12/2016 10:48

Are you pretty and stylish OP?

Cantusethatname · 04/12/2016 10:51

I know I'll get stick for this, but,
are you really gorgeous and her not so much?

Wishfulmakeupping · 04/12/2016 10:52

I would do as others have wisely suggested professionals relationship from here on in but definitely be honest with people when they ask you why you weren't invited -as you really don't know why. People will ask her and it really does make her look like a massive cow whereas you look very dignified that will piss on her chips the nasty thing!

WeAllHaveWings · 04/12/2016 10:52

I would be itching to find out.

Was your ex invited, or someone else you don't get on with?
Have you made negative comments about marriage in general?

Whatever the reason there is no excuse for her not to explain this to you when it was obvious there would be this whole wedding buzz thing going on all around you. Unkind and unnecessary.

Other people at work will already know why you have not been invited, there is no way someone else hasn't asked her the question whether it was when the invites went out, or on the day after everyone had a drink or two.

Finnola post is the best advice

When she returns, full of wedding news, smile and nod. Be cordial, polite and professional. But stop there. No texts after work. No little favours. No girly chats. Just a professional relationship from here on in.

But I personally couldn't bring myself to smile and nod when she relays wedding news. If its a group chat I'd busy myself with something else, or listen and change the subject when possible. If it's one to one chat I'd tell her its ok I've already heard it all from everyone else that was invited and once was enough, sounds like it was a nice day then change the subject to something to do with work.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 04/12/2016 10:58

How awful!

No more cosy chats and anyone who asks just say you weren't invited and carry on,head held high x

Olympiathequeen · 04/12/2016 11:00

She wouldn't be a friend in any sense to me now.

CondensedMilkSarnies · 04/12/2016 11:04

There was probably a thread on here ages ago AIBU to not invite my work colleague to my wedding because ....?

hollyisalovelyname · 04/12/2016 11:04

Oops- what a bi*ch

Heratnumber7 · 04/12/2016 11:06

I would bring the subject up. She may have wondered why you snubbed her by not going - she may have thought she'd invited you. These things happen.

FruJustFru · 04/12/2016 11:08

My initial reaction was she'd forgotten to give you an invitation - but I agree with PPs that she would have realised when she was checking her RSVPs.

I'd be upset too.

Something similar happened to me some years ago. My boss was organising, and paying for, his DS2's 21st birthday party. Although I know both of his DSs, of course I didn't expect to be invited. Then some of our younger members of staff started talking about the party. I just assumed that DS2 had invited the younger ones as they all socialised together regularly; still didn't think anything of it. Then a colleague, about my age, said something about the party. At that point I thought it was a bit odd, until I discovered that everyone had been invited - except me.

I spent the next few weeks veering between being a bit upset or wondering if I'd said or done anything to upset or offend my boss, his DS or anyone else in their family. On the Friday morning before the party (which was on Saturday evening), boss took me aside and said, that when they were counting RSVPs the night before, they realised that I hadn't been given an invitation - but, of course, I was invited, was more than welcome and he hoped I could make it.

IhatchedaSnorlax · 04/12/2016 11:10

Did you go Fru? TBH, id suspect they didn't want me there & he'd come up with that story to cover himself knowing that at such short notice I'd be unlikely to make it (but I am a bit suspicious, I know!)

GinGarden · 04/12/2016 11:14

This (nearly) happened to. Great old college friend of DHs is getting married and he came to our wedding, but we haven't received an invite to his. We thought it was a bit odd but hey ho probably a numbers thing etc.
On the morning of the wedding (in Midlands) we where abroad when DH gets a txt from the groom asking him to help out at the reception. It turns out that our invite had gone to the wrong address and the MIL to be had ticked us off on the list as coming! They were expecting us and we had no idea. Of course we where all gutted but we all laugh about it now.
So you see there could be a simple explanation and if you look at it the other way round she might be wondering why you didn't go?
Always two sides to every story, but I would also be feeling upset in your shoes until I knew why. I would have to speak gently with her, friend to friend. Good luck

CondensedMilkSarnies · 04/12/2016 11:16

Op ,Wasn't there lots of chat about the wedding in the run up to it ? People normally discuss outfits , presents and how they're getting there etc.

FruJustFru · 04/12/2016 11:18

Actually, no I didn't! I'd been feeling so 'meh' about it for so long and I knew I didn't have time to go and buy a present, that I decided not to.

He said that each of them thought that the other had given me an invitation. I thought that was bollocks, as the boss had written and given out the invitations to all the staff - I probably hadn't even seen DS2 during the party planning stages! I'm sure it was a genuine oversight on boss's part as I know him too well to think he would exclude anyone - and I've been to plenty of other parties at his house. But I didn't like the way he tried to put the blame on his DS2!

Ahickiefromkinickie · 04/12/2016 11:18

I tenth second Finola's advice

Ahickiefromkinickie · 04/12/2016 11:22

How awful, Fru, you must have felt completely alienated for those few weeks. I think you were right not to go.

IhatchedaSnorlax · 04/12/2016 11:24

Glad it got sorted then Fru, as I imagine you felt rotten at the time.

wigglybeezer · 04/12/2016 11:24

Maybe she had a restriction on numbers and thought you were the only one nice enough not to make a fuss if excluded ( clutching at straws).

Original poster
Pritchyx · 04/12/2016 11:32

To serin, cantuse and tiej - wouldn't say I'm stylish and pretty, but definitely not ugly!
I'm taller than her, with bigger boobs and bum and a small waist. She's very flat but petite and skinny. She can pull off a lot more than I can clothes wise, but I owe my massive arse and hips to my DD...

OP posts:
NotYoda · 04/12/2016 11:34

That's not a nice feeling.

But I would "reassure" myself that she will be the one who looks bad, and possibly will be left feeling bad also - with people questioning why you weren't there.

As others have said. Be professional, emotionally distance yourself.

Fleurchamp · 04/12/2016 11:35

I've just had this too - 4 bosses at work, 1 (who I used to work directly for until I went on maternity leave) recently had a big birthday and a huge party to celebrate.
Only me and one of the other bosses (who she doesn't get on with because he is a pompous prig and constantly undermines her) were not invited.
It wasn't a numbers thing. The only reason I can think of why I wasn't invited was that I was on maternity leave when she sent out the invitations.
Everyone has asked me why I wasn't invited. I took the week off before as everyone was going on about their outfits etc.
I still feel pretty miffed about it. My boss had told me all about it and had made no mention of the fact that I wasn't invited. People hired whilst I was on mat leave went....
She doesn't appear to dislike me.
I am honestly stumped. The only reason I can think of is that she didn't want pompous boss to be the only one NFI'd and I am seen as pretty relaxed.

roundaboutthetown · 04/12/2016 11:36

Either she's an enemy, not a friend, or there has been a massive misunderstanding where she is silently hurting that you never replied to her invite and you are silently hurting that she didn't invite you. Being the only person to have been excluded is sending a colossal message to you if it was done deliberately.

Original poster
Pritchyx · 04/12/2016 11:40

weallhave no, my ex wasn't invited. They've never met. And can't think of anyone who I don't get on with... Even the Sales Manager who she hates got a bloody invite. He upset her massively over something she hadnt done, about 2 weeks ago and I was the one who stuck up for her and even consoled her.
Also no negative chats about marriage!

OP posts: