Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 14 15

Original poster

Aibu to feel massively left out?

351 replies

Pritchyx · 04/12/2016 09:31

I work in the motor trade for a very busy dealership. There is 3 receptionists including myself. Anyway, yesterday one of my receptionist colleagues got married.
Every person in our dealership bar workshop technicians (she doesn't know them as they're separated from us) were invited. Except me.
I've got to work this morning and everybody is talking about how good it was etc. And people coming upto me asking why I wasn't there... I felt horrifically stupid for replying "I wasn't invited"... A few colleagues who have only been there a month, if that were also invited... I've worked with her for months and knew her prior to her working with me, but only in passing.

Aibu to feel really left out?

OP posts:

Angelitron · 04/12/2016 12:45

I would distance myself from her if I was you.
I'm a bit surprised that you were running round with cards and sending texts to be honest.

I would cut all wedding conversation dead. " oh how lovely" would be my stock response. Then get busy, take a call etc. Move to polite conversation only from now on.

I can't for a moment understand why she would have done this. I would make sure she got the message that now our friendship was dead.

EggnoggAndMulledWine · 04/12/2016 12:45

I cannot understand it at all.

However I'd actually reply, no problem hope you had a lovely day, everyone said they had a good time. Enjoy your honeymoon.

Kill her with kindness. She's probably wanting you to ask why you weren't invited.

Id not be doing her anymore favours ever again now though and would only discuss work matters.

MNRandom · 04/12/2016 12:49

I understand how hurtful this must have been for you.

I would text explaining how everyone is asking why you weren't there, inquire if she had actually sent you an invite that had gone awol.

Include a disclaimer about 'I do realise it could be you didn't invite me'. In that case is there anything I have done to upset you. Mention that you've texted rather than speak face to face as to reduce further embarrassment on either side.

You sound lovely by the way. It could be with the cracking figure you've got her husband might have previously positively commented on it and she actually feels threatened by you. Good luck!

CaroleService · 04/12/2016 12:51

Could your ex have been invited? They might have thought they couldn't have you both in the same space ...

GlitterGlue · 04/12/2016 12:52

Actually, yes, I wonder if her husband has said something about you? Particularly with you now being single?

Anyway, it was a spectacularly unkind thing for her to have done. The only real justification would have been if you had a fling with her husband.

ZoFloMoFo · 04/12/2016 12:55

Did I read that right - you dressed the wedding car? And frequently stayed behind at work so she could leave early to do wedding stuff?

Knowing you weren't invited?

Are you one of those people pleaser type personalities who mistake doing stuff for others as friendship?

It's hard to explain but my mum is one - always volunteering to put herself out for other people then moaning when they continually treat her, not like crap necessarily - but it's like she expects to be treated as a best friend when she's really not, and then she gets quite martyr-ish about it and starts with the "after all I've done for them".

bangingmyheadoffabrickwall · 04/12/2016 12:56

You are no to being unreasonable for feeling the way you do but as many before have said, Finola's advice is spot on.
I don't think anything can be gained from asking and will likely spell trouble and cause disharmony and chances are you won't find out unless she brings up the subject.

Obviously there is a reason why you were not invited and it is obvious that you value the friendship more than she does.

From now on think of her as a colleague and nothing more.

Aeroflotgirl · 04/12/2016 12:57

I agree with Finola. I would also tell people if they ask that you weren't invited, don't make up stuff, it's the truth. Remain pure and professional to her, that's it, where it stops.

DailyMailSucksAss · 04/12/2016 12:57

I agree with the asslicker comment. Some of my former colleagues inc people I thought were friends boycotted my wedding because I didn't get on with my manager. The ones who didn't give a monkeys did come and now I'm v successful they're the ones I bother to keep in touch with. Cut her off. Not worth it.

tiej · 04/12/2016 12:58

I really believe that she doesn't want anyone to upstage her on the day, and the thought of her DH chatting to the newly single and attractive woman he always got on with is something she wasn't happy about.

She could be insanely jealous OP, she wouldn't let on to you, would she?

peardropz · 04/12/2016 12:59

Even bloody dressed the car they borrowed from work with ribbons/bows for the wedding yesterday. Got a thank you from the driver but that's it!

Yeah why the hell did you do this??

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 04/12/2016 13:02

YNBU. That's a very mean trick. I think anyone would be peeved and hurt.
I think I'd just be civil but cool with her. Just "Yes please" and 'no thank you" answers. Only speaking when she spoke to me.

SissySpacekAteMyHamster · 04/12/2016 13:11

I would cool things with her. Remain professional but don't put yourself out for her.

If she asks if there is a problem, you can just say that you obviously aren't regarded as a friend and have got the hint.

If she's one of those stupid women who fear that every single woman is after their man, well you're well rid anyway!

Aeroflotgirl · 04/12/2016 13:12

That was an awful thing to do, inviting everybody and leaving one out. No you know what she really is like, not a nice person. Yes you can invite who you want, but pulling a stunt like that is not acceptable!

Sierra259 · 04/12/2016 13:13

I don't think I'd be able to resist sending PaulDacres reply Then say no more about it to her.

Aeroflotgirl · 04/12/2016 13:16

Passing invites out to people right under your nose whilst she knows your not invited, is awful. I would have said where's mine then, qyite cheeky as she was doing that.

ElinoristhenewEnid · 04/12/2016 13:26

Trouble is I can see how the conversation would go if someone asks her(in front of everyone else for maximum effect):

Colleague/you: shame Pritchynx was not at the wedding

Bride: I agree - she was definitely sent an invitation - never got a reply

You: Well I never received it - why did you not ask me if I was going?

Bride: Didn't like to ask particularly after the break up of your relationship - assumed you felt too embarrassed to attend. I was only thinking of you as you have been such a good friend over the years. So disappointed you felt unable to come.

Which 9/10 will be a load of BS but makes her look like the good guy and jilted bride.

Been there - got the t shirt - really hurting for you.

Jiggl · 04/12/2016 13:28

I had almost this exact scenario some years ago. A work friend who I used to regularly meet up with outside of work - lunches, coffee , that sort of thing invited loads of people from her work except me. In the months running up to her wedding I drove her around to various suppliers and gave her many lifts home miles out of my way when her DF was working loads of overtime to pay for the wedding.

I got an inkling when her hen was on but assumed it was a numbers issue, but about a couple of weeks before her wedding, I started seeing someone she knew and she stopped talking to me. Didn't think I was good enough for him

Anyway, I figured it out then and left her to it. She was a user, it was that simple. In the end she had a cancellation of a couple and we got a text inviting us. We went and gave her a generous gift. Everyone who knew what was going on felt we had acted with dignity and she was showing her selfish side. We are not in touch now - not since that wedding.

ElinoristhenewEnid · 04/12/2016 13:29

Sierra - re PaulDacres reply

I would change the wording slightly to
You're welcome - hope you had a fab wedding. People at work who were INVITED have said it was great

Original poster

Pritchyx · 04/12/2016 13:35

zoflo basically, the driver had no idea how to do it - he's a member of staff that we employ as a service driver... They specifically asked him to drive her to the wedding. I've done it before for my sister when she got married, so I offered to help him with it as he was getting flustered and ended up doing it myself as he was just getting in the way!

As for staying late, it's an extra half an hour - she'd lose that half hour in pay and I'd gain it. She has done similar favours for me when I've had to come in later, so she's gone in earlier etc.

I'm not really a people pleaser, I'm a bit too stubborn and arsey about being nice all the time. I don't lick everyone's arse, there's being polite and then being a lickarse... I don't actually take people and their shit, usually gets a response starting with F and ending with F.

But she does text me outside of work asking how I am, what I'm upto, how my DD is and we'll have full blown conversations. So it's not necessarily just an in-work favour kind of thing!

OP posts:

DailyCRAPMail · 04/12/2016 13:36

I wouldn't have sent a card, stayed late or helped dress the car. I'm usually a nice person but not that nice 😂

Sierra259 · 04/12/2016 13:38

I like your thinking Elinor!

Bunnyfuller · 04/12/2016 13:41

I think there's crossed wires. If she was snubbing you, she would've exclud ed you from everything - still texting seems weird if she's pissed off with you. Maybe a text starting 'please don't feel awkward....I just didn't want you to think I had ignored an invite. I didn't receive one, and as I thought we got on OK it was a bit odd. Please let me know if I've pissed you off as I'd like to sort it'

On the other hand I've had similar happen to me, and afterwards wondered wtf thru pretend to be friends if they don't fucking like you. Hugs OP XX

Butterymuffin · 04/12/2016 13:48

Yes, text has to say 'invited' to make the point. I think it's worth making the point. Doing it by text avoids a face to face confrontation, but lets her know that you know.

It's a tricky one to unravel but my guess would be that she did know, rather than it being a lost invite etc, because:

she handed them out in person at work to others, so why would she have posted yours?
if you hadn't had a RSVP from someone you see every day at work, why wouldn't you just ask them if they were coming, to confirm your numbers? Or even send a text, if you thought asking might be 'embarrassing' (though I agree with Elinor that this would easily be trotted out as an excuse) Most people need to know who's coming and who isn't.

I think the idea of asking her outright has some value in calling her out. But as Elinor said, it's too easy for her now to do the 'oh no, invite must have got lost' response, and you'd still never know for sure. So I would send the text and then do what Fino suggests and retreat to being coolly professional with her and no more. Sorry this has happened. It's painful. And probably to do with your break up and friendliness in the most stupid and insulting way. People can be really shitty to newly single friends.

confuugled1 · 04/12/2016 14:03

If I was asked if just say that 'I have no idea why, I'd love to find out myself, let me know if you're enlightened as to the reason!!' And see what happens.

Having had the text however I would be tempted to send a very pa text back to say that you're glad she liked it, you're not sure what has happened that she felt she needed to exclude you from the wedding but you wanted to show you that you can rise above it and still work together professionally.

And then sit back and see what happens - as your text is being perfectly honest and friendly in your text so they can't complain about it...

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 14 15

Swipe left for the next trending thread