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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to feel massively left out?

351 replies

Pritchyx · 04/12/2016 09:31

I work in the motor trade for a very busy dealership. There is 3 receptionists including myself. Anyway, yesterday one of my receptionist colleagues got married.
Every person in our dealership bar workshop technicians (she doesn't know them as they're separated from us) were invited. Except me.
I've got to work this morning and everybody is talking about how good it was etc. And people coming upto me asking why I wasn't there... I felt horrifically stupid for replying "I wasn't invited"... A few colleagues who have only been there a month, if that were also invited... I've worked with her for months and knew her prior to her working with me, but only in passing.

Aibu to feel really left out?

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 04/12/2016 14:04

So what are you going to do. What she did as awful, in some way she has to know! There are some good suggestions on here.

TaliDiNozzo · 04/12/2016 14:18

A similar thing happened in my office - it ended up with two team members not being invited (small and on the whole reasonably close knit team who socialise occasionally together outside of work).

First non-invite was totally understandable as she was/is a nasty bitch who was nothing but vile to the bride and was/is a bloody nightmare to work with. Second non-invite was a bit weirder. The bride explained to others that it was because the person in question could be critical and sarcastic, which I might've understood had it not been for her inviting another team member who embodies that description much better than the non-invitee.

Was all a bit weird tbh, but ended up with no one from the team going.

Original poster
Pritchyx · 04/12/2016 14:24

Some of the responses about texting her are good! But I think I'd get a standard response, whereas I'm quite good at reading people and working out when they're lying if face to face. I won't see her until the 15th now!
I'll definitely mull it over before responding back to her via text anyway!

OP posts:
JoeyJoeJoeJuniorShabadu · 04/12/2016 14:30

YANBU.
and you've been well and truly had.
you absolutely cannot win here and sometimes life just is not fair.
there isn't a thing you can do now, except keep your dignity.
i wouldn't say a word about it at work.

but, no favours any more for that thoughtless cow.
do your own at work, and no more help for her in future.
she can kiss your ass.

Aeroflotgirl · 04/12/2016 15:01

Not only that, but you being the only one not invited, she has humiliated you, not a very nice person, sorry that you had to find out how she is like this way.

CondensedMilkSarnies · 04/12/2016 15:13

If she hasn't invited you because she's just a horrible person , then sending her a text message or asking outright will just give her ammunition to justify her reason because she will tell people you're being horrible to her by asking IYSWIM.

Rise above it Op , remain dignified , it will be a distant memory soon

KoalaDownUnder · 04/12/2016 15:14

How bloody awkward. Very odd of her!

FruJustFru · 04/12/2016 15:22

"Also, just received a text saying "thank you for our card! xxx". Posted it through their letterbox on Friday night after work. No mention of last night."

Oh, that sucks, Pritchyx. It does sound deliberate Sad

To answer Ahickiefromkinickie and IhatchedaSnorlax about my story. It was difficult. I didn't care about the 'youngsters' having been invited - but at the point I realised I was the only one who hadn't been invited ... I was beside myself. I knew I couldn't say anything. And I thought I'd done something awful - although heaven knows what. It was crap. By the time I got the last minute invitation, it was too little too late.

lola111 · 04/12/2016 16:13

The bride is entitled to invite/not invite people as she sees fit.

hmm i'm not so sure inviting everyone in the workplace and not op looks like workplace bullying to me.

GabsAlot · 04/12/2016 17:24

just tell eveyrone straight-she didnt inviite me best to ask her why

keep repeating till someone actually does ask her

ParisGellar · 04/12/2016 17:39

This is all too weird! Either she's a total brazen cow (but surely you'd have known about that by now!?) or there's been a mix up and you were supposed to be invited.

ParisGellar · 04/12/2016 17:40

Agree with PP who said to text and say hope she had a good day and everyone said it was fun etc.

Nanny0gg · 04/12/2016 17:49

I would be as distant as I could possibly be at work and cut her completely outside of it.

Andylion · 04/12/2016 18:09

*Even bloody dressed the car they borrowed from work with ribbons/bows for the wedding yesterday. Got a thank you from the driver but that's it!
I've helped out as/when I could. Finished later so she could leave earlier to go to various places (dress shop to collect, vicar, church, reception venue etc). *

Why would you go out your way to help someone who clearly thinks so little of you?

exaltedwombat · 05/12/2016 17:34

Lots of supposition here. I wonder what DID happen? Do let us know when you find out.

Perhaps a wedding guest list, limited numbers, you (and goodness knows how many other people you don't know about) just came 'under the line'.

CherryCokeFairy · 05/12/2016 17:39

She wouldn't be on my Christmas card list anymore... but other than that I'd think she made it pretty clear she doesn't think of you as a friend and you should knock whatever friendship you thought you had with her on the head x

alienoverlord · 05/12/2016 17:45

OP, I haven't read the whole thread, so apologies if this has been mentioned already, but did it occur to that you were invited but the invitation somehow went astray? Were they posted, or were they handed out at work?

The bride may well be very upset at you for not responding.

If I was you I would discretely mention to a trusted colleague that you didn't get an invitation. Don't express it as a grievance - just as a matter of fact. Maybe they will make some discrete enquiries on your behalf.

NightWanderer · 05/12/2016 17:47

I wouldn't text back. Just be polite and professional, ignore any non-work related texts. She isn't a friend.
If people ask why you weren't there, it's fine to say you weren't invited and leave it at that.

diddl · 05/12/2016 18:05

Oh come on, they work together everyday!

The bride could have handed Op an invitation.

PLenty of chance to talk about how people are getting there, what they are wearing etc.

Naomib1980 · 05/12/2016 18:05

This is a horrid situation and I really feel for you. Just a thought but is it possible she thought a wedding would be hard on you given your recent breakup? It's an odd way to go about not hurting your feelings but I can't believe someone who supported you through a breakup could turn out to be such a cow! Maybe invite her for coffee, if she turns you down flat write her off and just be cordial at work. If she wants to meet up you can talk it through without all the office gossips hovering. I also think the invite just not arriving is a strong possibility xxx

Fireinthegrate · 05/12/2016 18:05

I wouldn't ask the bride, but if you continue to tell people who ask you why you weren't there that you were not invited, then I think you will find out because one of them is bound to ask her why she didn't invite you.
When she returns be cool towards her and relate to her only about work things. Stop the outside of work texts etc.

BitOutOfPractice · 05/12/2016 18:07

I can't believe this isn't a misunderstanding. It's too horrible to be deliberate

MrsDesireeCarthorse · 05/12/2016 18:15

I think admitting you weren't invited is the best you can do. She looks a) weird or b) a total bitch, you're not covering up, and you're not embarrassing anyone by asking, "Why didn't you invite me?" (er, because she doesn't have to). Nice!

Daydream007 · 05/12/2016 18:26

It seems very odd that she wouldn't invite you. Are you sure she didn't put an invite in your in-tray and it got lost? If she deliberately left you out she is very mean!

Tuktuktaker · 05/12/2016 18:30

Did she really hand out invites to others in your presence? Or did I misunderstand? If you're certain nothing got lost in the post, if I were you, I'd do as Finola said (but with difficulty). What a bitch she is, rise above it if you can.