Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to feel massively left out?

351 replies

Pritchyx · 04/12/2016 09:31

I work in the motor trade for a very busy dealership. There is 3 receptionists including myself. Anyway, yesterday one of my receptionist colleagues got married.
Every person in our dealership bar workshop technicians (she doesn't know them as they're separated from us) were invited. Except me.
I've got to work this morning and everybody is talking about how good it was etc. And people coming upto me asking why I wasn't there... I felt horrifically stupid for replying "I wasn't invited"... A few colleagues who have only been there a month, if that were also invited... I've worked with her for months and knew her prior to her working with me, but only in passing.

Aibu to feel really left out?

OP posts:
RoboticSealpup · 04/12/2016 10:12

You could ask if you have done something to upset her. Considering the situation you have described, whereby new acquaintances were invited but not you, this would seem like a reasonable assumption to make.

youarenotkiddingme · 04/12/2016 10:14

In agree keep your friendship as a professional one from now on.

As as for work colleagues I'd just respond truthfully "I wasn't invited." But add something like "but glad you all had a good time and she had a great day".

RoboticSealpup · 04/12/2016 10:16

I don't mean that it sounds like you have upset her, by the way. I just mean that this is quite a non-confrontational way to ask about it.

onelastpigout · 04/12/2016 10:19

I would definitely ask, if only to clear the air and know where you stand. It may have Bern a big misunderstanding.
Another possible explanation is, she wanted to invite,you and then one of the,other receptionists said. ''oh, I know Pitxhy, she won't want to go to that, there's no point asking''
Someone else may have influenced manipulated her decision not to invite you..

I've had that happen to me.

statetrooperstacey · 04/12/2016 10:19

If anybody else asks I would say "no I wasn't invited , it's ok, I'll go to the next one "

IhatchedaSnorlax · 04/12/2016 10:21

From all you've said, surely it's a misunderstanding & your invitation has gotten lost somehow. It just doesn't make sense otherwise!

ConvincingLiar · 04/12/2016 10:21

Too late to ask her. Surely if she'd forgotten the invitation she'd be chasing you for an rsvp?

WaggyMama · 04/12/2016 10:22

Say you are in a quandary as people are asking you why you weren't there and you don't know what to say to them.

Lilacpink40 · 04/12/2016 10:26

Prit I think Finnola has the best advice.

We never know, without full discussions, why people do or don't like us. She's been very cruel in her actions, I'd keep some distance now.

CaraAspen · 04/12/2016 10:28

Yes, as others have said be dignified and rise above it. What a horrible thing to do to you, though, but she knows she is the one who behaved badly.

CaraAspen · 04/12/2016 10:28

Finnola's advice is perfect.

Runny · 04/12/2016 10:29

You're nicer than I am. No way would I be wishing such a complete bitch congratulations.

Yes she can invite whoever she likes to her wedding, but to exclude one member of the team is really spiteful and mean spirited. I don't believe it was a misunderstanding either, because if it were she'd have asked the OP why she hasn't RSVP'd surely?

Katy07 · 04/12/2016 10:30

Is there anyone you get on well with there who could ask her for you, but without saying it's you wanting to know? That way you get to find out if it was accidental or a snub, but if it was the latter neither you or bride are embarrassed....

EweAreHere · 04/12/2016 10:31

I'd go with Fonala's advice as well.

I wouldn't do anything extra for her from here on out after such a deliberate, unexplainable public snub.

FaithFromTheRealmsOfGlory · 04/12/2016 10:33

I had this with a colleague last year. Everyone was invited to the hen do and wedding but me. I still don't know why. It really hurt, I thought we got on pretty well. I was asked in advance if I was going and just said 'Nope!' and people got the hint. People saying did OP's invite get lost - they work together, surely in the last few weeks she would have said Hey are you coming to the wedding? I don't have your RSVP?!

I thought about asking her but I figured it would just make things more awkward. So I left it. I'm still friendly at work but it'll never be the same because I have to assume she doesn't really like me or I offended her at some point. We are both moving jobs this month and to be honest I'll be glad to leave it all behind me.

hollyisalovelyname · 04/12/2016 10:36

What a bi**h.
That's just horrid.
I'd try and get get somebody I trusted to subtly find out why.
I'd need to know why and I wouldn't ask myself coward.

NavyandWhite · 04/12/2016 10:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ZoFloMoFo · 04/12/2016 10:36

I'd go with Finolas advice too.

It's clear it wasn't an oversight on her part. You simply weren't invited.

The fact that lots of people are asking why you weren't there just shows what a cow she is, they obviously thought that of course you'd be invited.

No more texts or cosy chats.

I wouldn't even be interested in looking at wedding pictures when she returns of hearing about it at all. I'd have some urgent filing my nails to get on with.

Polite, professional, but nothing more.

CondensedMilkSarnies · 04/12/2016 10:38

*Today 10:22 WaggyMama

Say you are in a quandary as people are asking you why you weren't there and you don't know what to say to them.*

Why would the Op be in a quandary? Surely you just tell the truth and say you weren't invited .

In my mind it's the bride that comes
Out of this looking a bit mean , the Op has nothing to feel bad about .

Would people really ask the bride ?

Op hold your head high and carry on .

onelastpigout · 04/12/2016 10:40

The fact she invited a couple of newcomers to her do, even though you've been there longer, is doubly cruel. I can't get my head around that.

ZoFloMoFo · 04/12/2016 10:40

Oh yeah, when people are asking why you weren't there you should reply truthfully "I wasn't invited, I've no idea why".

Some gossipy person is bound to then feed that back to her or ask outright why she didn't invite you.

She's the one that comes out of this looking bad.

TheGruffaloMother · 04/12/2016 10:40

I really wouldn't ask. There's no answer she could give that isn't more upsetting than not inviting you in the first place, is there?

I would however be very honest with the next person who asks. Say you weren't invited and as you appear to be the only one who wasn't, it seems you were mistaken in thinking she sees you as a friend. Don't over egg it, just leave it at that and withdraw from her. It will get back to her. She'll reach out if there's another explanation she feels she might owe you.

whaaaaat · 04/12/2016 10:41

Yeah, I'd definitely ask. Sounds very strange if you seem to get on well. Unless you have a reputation for ruining weddings Confused, I can't understand why she would have deliberately done this.

monkeywithacowface · 04/12/2016 10:42

Agree with Finola. It's done, it was a very deliberate snub. Professional but distant is the way forward. I know some who did this, all work colleagues invited bar two. To be fair one was justified (she'd caused a lot of trouble for the bride over the years and was open in her dislike for her) but it was horrible for the other person made worse by the fact that the bride and groom both worked in the company and the groom was the boss. I thought it was very poor form on his part to agree to exclude her. But then he was a bit of twat

CurlyMango · 04/12/2016 10:44

Also agree with a Finola. Says it all.and you have the dignity.