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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to feel massively left out?

351 replies

Pritchyx · 04/12/2016 09:31

I work in the motor trade for a very busy dealership. There is 3 receptionists including myself. Anyway, yesterday one of my receptionist colleagues got married.
Every person in our dealership bar workshop technicians (she doesn't know them as they're separated from us) were invited. Except me.
I've got to work this morning and everybody is talking about how good it was etc. And people coming upto me asking why I wasn't there... I felt horrifically stupid for replying "I wasn't invited"... A few colleagues who have only been there a month, if that were also invited... I've worked with her for months and knew her prior to her working with me, but only in passing.

Aibu to feel really left out?

OP posts:
Original poster
Pritchyx · 04/12/2016 11:47

condensed yep. There was, lots of it.
Even bloody dressed the car they borrowed from work with ribbons/bows for the wedding yesterday. Got a thank you from the driver but that's it!
I've helped out as/when I could. Finished later so she could leave earlier to go to various places (dress shop to collect, vicar, church, reception venue etc).

There's also been Xmas party talk and she isn't going as gets back from her honeymoon a couple of days beforehand.

OP posts:
Fairybust · 04/12/2016 11:49

Personally I would snub her as far as I cam at work.

Speak to her o ky as necessary to deal.woth work.issues but other than that blank her.

If she starts talking but the wedding etc I would.walk.away. if possible I would take her first day back off as.holiday so you can.easily avoid thr fanfare.

tiej · 04/12/2016 11:50

This can't be right OP, there must be a mistake.

CondensedMilkSarnies · 04/12/2016 11:50

Didn't you mention that you weren't going during any of these chats before the wedding ?

I can't think why you weren't invited apart from if you are prone to get horribly drunk and out of control at parties . Smile

DailyCRAPMail · 04/12/2016 11:51

I'm usually fine with not getting invites to everything but I'd be annoyed and upset at this. I wouldn't say anything but I wouldn't see the need to be overly gracious about it either. I wouldn't ask about the wedding or the honeymoon and I wouldn't be making any effort to be particularly friendly either.

If anyone else asked why I wasn't at the wedding I'd tell them I wasn't invited and that apparently I was the only one and that I had no idea why. If everyone kept talking about the wedding I'd either make myself scarce or I'd make a joke about my non-invite - depending on the group....

CondensedMilkSarnies · 04/12/2016 11:52

I wouldn't snub her Op , you've got to work with her and don't want to turn it into a massive problem.

RebootYourEngine · 04/12/2016 11:52

I would have to ask her because it would eat me up not knowing.

Original poster
Pritchyx · 04/12/2016 11:53

condensed I'm not a huge drinker and I live in the countryside so I'd of drove!
Also never mentioned I was unavailable on that night or wouldn't be able to go. Never asked me to my face and everyone else had received save the date or evening invite cards!

OP posts:
d270r0 · 04/12/2016 11:54

Sounds to me like its likely you were invited but your invite somehow went astray. Shes probably sat there wondering why you've been so rude as to not reply to it or turn up.

Original poster
Pritchyx · 04/12/2016 11:57

d270r0 i messaged her yesterday morning wishing her good luck - she replied saying thank you... however she's never mentioned an invite to me whatsoever...
Her last day was Thursday, i stayed longer so she could leave early to finish wedding prep, no mention of "see you saturday"

OP posts:
tiej · 04/12/2016 12:00

OP, you say you knew her slightly before you worked with her, could something have happened then? Have you ever met her DH?

Puremince · 04/12/2016 12:01

We chased up a non-reply to a RSVP invitation to our wedding, only to discover that the person hadn't received the invite. She'd asked around and discovered she was the only one in the group not to be invited. Apparently she'd had a couple of nights of crying herself to sleep over it, as she had no idea why we would invite everybody except her.

Fortunately we chased the non-reply a full month before our wedding, so plenty of time for her to get organised and come.

It can happen.

Original poster
Pritchyx · 04/12/2016 12:02

tiej yes, met her DH. He used to work here before he transferred branches with a promotion. We always got on!
And knew her before because of her DH working here. We've always got on so it's baffling!

OP posts:
Sierra259 · 04/12/2016 12:03

I wouldn't say anything directly to her, like others have said, just be pleasant and professional but nothing more. I would however be honest with everyone else who asked why I wasn't there. You don't need to make a big thing of it, just say you weren't invited if anyone asks and leave it at that.

It does sound odd given that you'd been quite friendly before, and if I was another colleague, I would think she was mean for excluding one person from the office, while inviting everyone else.

tiej · 04/12/2016 12:04

Ah, might she think he rather liked you?

Original poster
Pritchyx · 04/12/2016 12:12

tiej definitely not, she knew I was with my OH as used to have brief conversations about what we would be upto on the weekends etc and would always tell her about mine and OH's plans. But she was a good support to me when me and him split recently.

OP posts:
CoconutOilWink · 04/12/2016 12:15

I used to work in a dealership at reception and left because of how damn fickle it was (and boring -quiet dealership, not enough work for 3 of us).
I would try not to worry about it. She's either made an honest mistake. Or more likely has done it to spite you, in which case no use in giving her the satisfaction of letting her get you down. Next time someone asks say you had better plans.

tiej · 04/12/2016 12:20

So OP, you are not with your OH anymore and you always really got on with her DH. Is there a chance that when you weren't single you were no threat to her? This could be purely down to jealousy, even though totally unfounded. Perhaps her DH has expressed admiration for you previously.

Are you absolutely sure I'm barking up the wrong tree here?

Candlestickchick · 04/12/2016 12:25

She's a complete bitch. Making a wedding guest list is hard but she's not that tight for numbers if she has invited everyone else from work. Getting married is not an excuse to make people feel bad about themselves - my wedding guest list for next year has a few people on it that I'm inviting as they're part of a group that is being invited and I'm not nasty enough to want to make people feel singled out (unlike your colleague).

Don't ask her why though. Just be civil but frosty from now on and never do anything to help her again.

CondensedMilkSarnies · 04/12/2016 12:25

tiej that sounds very possible to me. The bride may be insanely jealous and although the Op was oblivious to it , the brides other half could have mentioned her once too often and the bride thinks there's something going between them .

Original poster
Pritchyx · 04/12/2016 12:34

tiej without a doubt, me and him got on in a professional sense - nothing more than that! I was with my OH when he started here last year, then she started and he got promoted to a different branch. Then me and my OH only recently split. I've seen her husband probably twice at work since he got transferred and only was a "hello, how's things" conversation.

She's never seemed to be the jealous type either, so I have no idea.

OP posts:
Original poster
Pritchyx · 04/12/2016 12:35

Also, just received a text saying "thank you for our card! xxx"

Posted it through their letterbox on Friday night after work. No mention of last night.

OP posts:
ScarletForYa · 04/12/2016 12:35

Don't ask her OP, whatever you do.

You're just inviting humiliation.

Taytocrisps · 04/12/2016 12:38

I don't think there's anything to be gained by asking her why. It would be very hurtful to hear, "Well, I don't like you all that much and didn't want you there on my special day". The bride is entitled to invite/not invite people as she sees fit. YANBU to feel hurt and left out but I wouldn't take it any further.

PaulDacresConscience · 04/12/2016 12:38

Oooh I'd be tempted to reply to her text: You're welcome - hope you had a fab wedding. People at work who attended have said it was great