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AIBU?

About partners on the ward after childbirth?

1000 replies

hullabaloo234 · 27/11/2016 10:46

Booked in for ELCS for breech baby.

Just going through this week's post and find a letter from the hospital about what to do/not do prior to the op, what time to arrive etc.

At the back is a letter for my "support person", with a list of do's and don'ts for their stay on the ward with me after my section.

Sorry, WTF?! I love DP dearly but not a chance do I want him or more importantly a load of other blokes on the ward.

I was already going to discharge myself the following morning but was realistic about staying a bit longer if needed- bollocks to that I am definitely leaving as soon as my catheter is out and I can walk again!

Am I the only person who thinks this is really bloody unreasonable?!

OP posts:

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whoopsiedaisy123 · 27/11/2016 10:50

Have you had a section before?

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hullabaloo234 · 27/11/2016 10:51

no, but two major abdominal surgeries so familiar with how restricted I will be in terms of movement etc

OP posts:

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ALemonyPea · 27/11/2016 10:52

I've had three sections, they're all different. There is no way with any of them though that I would have left the next day. I think it's a reasonable piece of information.

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allegretto · 27/11/2016 10:52

YANBU - I got fed up of having to express milk in front of a lot of male visitors and it contributed to me giving up breastfeeding. I had no privacy at all.

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monkeysox · 27/11/2016 10:52

You won't be able to discharge yourself the day after. Please forget that.

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ProudBadMum · 27/11/2016 10:52

You might find once you are on that ward you might actually want DP there.

Don't plan anything now because childbirth changes everything.

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welshweasel · 27/11/2016 10:52

Yes I agree but the vast majority on here won't. I needed my DH to be rested so that he could help me when I got home. I found other people's partners hugely intrusive whilst I was trying to sort myself out, get to and from the loo covered in blood, breastfeed etc. It meant I ended up sat behind closed curtains all the time which was claustrophobic and a bit depressing. One of them snored, another shouted on his mobile all night. Completely unnecessary. Send them home at 10pm and let everyone get some peace!

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SVJAA · 27/11/2016 10:52

I have severe anxiety and panic disorder and DP was kicked out ten minutes after DS2 was born. I was an absolute wreck and he was devastated to be sent away from his newborn son and me. YABU IMO, why shouldn't dads be able to be with their newborns?

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jayisforjessica · 27/11/2016 10:52

I mean you can choose what you want for yourself, but you are BU if you think other women might not want THEIR DP around. That's the thing when you don't have a homebirth, I'm afraid. You're also BU if you check out as soon as humanly possible without making sure you'll be okay away from the immediate medical attention possible in an actual hospital.

So I guess... you're not BU to be upset about it if there's no alternative, but you are BU not to see why it is the way it is? I think it might be late enough for me to step away from the computer, alas. Sorry!

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CherryChasingDotMuncher · 27/11/2016 10:54

He will be allowed on the labour/delivery Ward, men mostly are as births take place all times of the night and rooms are private. However the maternity/recovery Ward, where you'll go once baby is out and everyone is fine, he won't be allowed 24/7, as there's often a few people to a room and rooms aren't locked. My hospital allows partners from 9am-9pm, but TBH even I think that is too much - the woman next to me's OH was there the whole 12 hours for the 4 days I was in. I was bleeding, pissing myself, breastfeeding and having LOTS of conversations with HCPs about my downstairs area and the whole time he was about 3 feet away, his chair was even pushed into my curtain a bit and it sent me nuts, If id reached out I could have patted his head.

Anyway YANBU, a few years ago MNHQ considered launching a campaign to lobby to allow partners to stay overnight in wards and vetted opinion. It was a great big fat resounding 'NO'! For good reasons IMO!

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Soubriquet · 27/11/2016 10:54

If I could have had Dh stayed with me, i would have been over the moon.

Though I appreciate not all women would like it

My curtains would remain closed and I would encourage him to keep his voice down for their privacy

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Bauble16 · 27/11/2016 10:54

What on earth is wrong with partners on the ward? It's all very private. A lot of ladies after a section can't get up so they need support. The midwives are too busy to be bringing cuppas, snacks, passing the baby etc. They do it but you do have to wait.

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Hellmouth · 27/11/2016 10:54

be serious lol. Why do you not want your DP on the ward?

My ward allowed partners and provided small beds for them. There are also curtains so you can have privacy. I don't see the big deal here.

Having him there was hugely helpful, as he helped with DS whilst I recovered. I was exhausted and in pain as I'd been in labour for 24 hours and had had a 2nd degree tear. Also, he really wanted to be there for DSs first few hours.

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GinGinGin · 27/11/2016 10:54

Actually in my local hospital you can be discharged 24hrs post CS provided all is ok.

Use the curtains if you want privacy. No it's not ideal.

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Soubriquet · 27/11/2016 10:54

My local hospital has changed its policy now to allow partners to stay overnight

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welshweasel · 27/11/2016 10:55

Most hospitals discharge within 24 hours post c section so it's entirely reasonable for the OP to suggest she will go home the next day. I'd have been fine going home after 24 hours but had to stay 3 night as DS was premature and needed observation. I'd have done anything to get out sooner, the experience of the post natal ward was the worst part of the whole pregnancy/childbirth thing for me.

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Glastonbury · 27/11/2016 10:55

I was in 3 days with my first and 7 days with my second. Of course male visitors should be allowed in. Are you saying fathers should not visit their babies or wives/partners?

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pinkdonkey · 27/11/2016 10:55

YABU I would imagine that most people would want their partners sharing that experience with them. I know I'd want my DH there with me. Its you choice if you don't want your partner to stay, but completely unreasonable tothink others wwouldn't want to share this precious time with new baby as a family. Also support person isn't necessarily partner, it could be mum, sister, friend, dad, brother, who ever that woman wants to be therevto support them.

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Sceptimum · 27/11/2016 10:55

I don’t get what you are objecting to? I had an ELCS, my partner stayed two nights and I needed them there. Even with an easy experience and good recovery I was simply too sore and stiff to bend and lift as needed to tend a baby and needed prompt and attentive help the ward staff couldn't always provide.
I really don't see what the issue is with allowing partners to stay and help, what is your objection to them? Especially to your own?

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CherryChasingDotMuncher · 27/11/2016 10:56

welsh that was me too curtain always shut because of the bloke next to me. I would have loved to have it open and have a natter with the other mum's, 4 days in a tiny cubicle is a very long time! I did feed back to the hospital that I think mens visiting should be more restricted, perhaps a 2-hour break at meal time. Sadly the rules are still the same, and I'm due to give birth in 7 weeks and will be there a few days. If they provided private rooms for a fee I would pay but they don't

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allegretto · 27/11/2016 10:56

I forgot about the curtains! My ward didn't have curtains so there was no way to get any privacy. With curtains I would have been more accepting of men on the ward - but still the woman next to me had a partner who would chat through the night.

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Bitlost · 27/11/2016 10:56

Same at my local hospital , partners can now stay the night. This is because there have been so many complaints from new mums who need help at night and nurses and healthcare workers being unable (or in my case unwilling) to help. I don't like it but it would have been helpful to have husband around at the time. DD was born the weekend before the August bank holiday and night staff seemed to take this as an excuse to do not very much at all.

Good luck with everything.

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mayhew · 27/11/2016 10:57

Some elCS mums in my unit go home next day. Ask about "enhanced recovery" which is a bundle of techniques to speed up recovery. With a planned cs , recovery can be quicker. However there can be unexpected difficulties and you need a plan B.

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welshweasel · 27/11/2016 10:57

And yes, lots of places allow partners 24 hours a day. Personally I think you should only be allowed that if in a private room. People get hugely wound up about mixed wards/bays in the rest of the hospital. How is this any different?

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Gobbolinothewitchscat · 27/11/2016 10:57

Are they allowed to stay the night?

If not, it's just information regarding what to do during their extended visits during the day. That's seems reasonable to me (I've had 3 DCs in the last 3 years). I've never had a section but I suspect you will appreciate your DP being there I help you with the baby - e.g. Pass you things

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