About partners on the ward after childbirth?

[hullabaloo234]

Booked in for ELCS for breech baby.

Just going through this week's post and find a letter from the hospital about what to do/not do prior to the op, what time to arrive etc.

At the back is a letter for my "support person", with a list of do's and don'ts for their stay on the ward with me after my section.

Sorry, WTF?! I love DP dearly but not a chance do I want him or more importantly a load of other blokes on the ward.

I was already going to discharge myself the following morning but was realistic about staying a bit longer if needed- bollocks to that I am definitely leaving as soon as my catheter is out and I can walk again!

Am I the only person who thinks this is really bloody unreasonable?!

Trust will lola, I won't.

OP is the 'overnight support' definitely for postnatal ward rather than labour ward?

You can't have other people stay on other wards because you don't have a newborn to look after! Who do you think is going to pass baby to you and back, help you get comfy, pass you a glass of water/nappies/nipple cream every 2 mins? Cos it sure as hell won't be midwives. They're busy. You should think yourself lucky that you have the option to have someone advocate for you and see you as their only priority. I really hope everything goes like a dream for you because otherwise you are in for one hell of a shock.

It shouldn't be about men being disappointed, more about women having had major surgery feeling uncomfortable and in sone cases frightened by the presence of men in close proximity 24 hours a day whilst at their most vulnerable.

yes defo post natal ward. It goes on about supporting the mother following the birth of the baby.

I've had a lot of sections and trust me you will want your oh there after your section.

I had an EMCS, and I'm very glad my ward didn't have partners staying overnight. My husband is lovely, but he's a total stranger to other women - and theirs are strangers to me.

christ on a bike, I can go one night without a man thanks!

I'll make sure I'm set up with things at arms reach before I go and I'll be fine. babies are in cots attached to the bed

I'm with expat I wouldn't give birth in a hospital that allowed men on wards 24/7. I'm amazed people are not only OK with this but welcome this.

If you feel well enough OP then you should go home the day after if that is what you want.

Word of advise though , when you first stand and walk stand as erect as possible whilst holding your abdomen , small steps at first . I found that helped a lot ,, also be aware of a catheter and its cord (I forgot and thought my insides were coming out after CS 1) and most of all good luck .

Some of you are beings but precious with your needing someone to plump cushions, hand nipple cream to you every 2 minutes. Make sure your partner leaves everything you need within reach before they go home. When your baby needs feeding buzz for help and the staff will pass them to you. You can change them and feed them on the bed then buzz for help to put them back in the cot. Even in the most short staffed wards they can manage that level of assistance.

I find these threads about maternity care, frankly horrifying.

In no other parts of medicine would it be acceptable for a woman to come out of major surgery and be plonked into a mixed ward, and told she better have someone come stay and look after her because really she'll need far more care than the hospital can provide. Oh, it's a bit over crowded so there are actually 12 people in a 6 bed ward, all sharing the same toilets.

if men were the ones giving birth I am quite sure the maternity care would be a fuck of a lot better by now.

"I really hope everything goes like a dream for you because otherwise you are in for one hell of a shock."

Really, I have had three sections and had no over night support from DH for any of them. The first was an emergency with massive complications. I managed. There were midwives to help.

Haven't RTFT, only got as far as numerous people telling you won't be able to discharge yourself after a day - I did; with my first too.

I'd had a horrible night, had barely slept at all and kept getting shouted at by the midwives every time my baby cried, which she did often. I explained this to the doctor, and that I felt we'd really be better off, emotionally and physically, if we could recover at home. She agreed, and we got discharged later that day.

Hospital is not necessarily the best place for you if it's an awful environment.

I don't understand why men need to be there 24/7. What is the point when you'll both (and the baby) be sleeping a great deal of the time. I understand some women prefer it but IMHO the safety and privacy and dignity of others trumps that. Midwives and HCAs don't ignore patients they are there to help if you need them, who is passing a newborn about every 2 minutes?!

He didn't want to be away from his newborn. He was really disappointed he couldn't stay this time because they'd changed the rules.

It's nothing to do with how he feels, unless he has just had the baby himself.

As much as I would have appreciated my DH there after my 4 C/S's I would not want other men there, so would have to vote against the principle really. Unless each partnered couple has a private room I cannot see how this would work? In my (fairly new, considered nice) maternity hospital there isn't much space between the beds, only enough really for the baby tank thing. In one of my stays the ward manager felt curtains pulled around beds during the day was "untidy" so kept opening them and tying them back which was extremely annoying

My hospital had the policy that partners could be in 9am-9pm. Except 2-4pm
Children of the parents. 10-12; 4-6, 7-9.
Anyone else could come in 4-6pm, 7-9pm.

This was totally enforced.
2-4pm was called mothers' rest period and no one was allowed in for any reason, lights were dimmed and the nurses would offer to hold any babies for you.

I did feel at one point it was a bit too strict. There was one lady who came in after giving birth about 4am.
Her oh appeared at about 8:30am having spent the rest of the night in the car, and was shoed immediately out again by the nurses despite all the rest of us on the ward saying we weren't bothered.

However it did mean that the place was fairly restful (except they would keep waking me up to ask if I wanted a cup of tea!)
There were also private rooms that you got if:
a) you had multiples
b) you had a child with extra needs (I got offered one with dd2, but refused)
c) you had extra complications
d) you paid for it (hotel rates)
Partner could stay 24/7 for the first 3 categories, not if you'd paid, I believe. You could also be asked to move if you were paying for it (you'd only be charged for the nights you had) if one of the first categories needed it.

But I think you're vastly over optimistic about coming out next morning. Even the quick recoveries are 2-3 days.

There was a massive thread last year about women's experiences in hospital after birth, and it was really, really terrible.

*Today 11:16 welshweasel

Some of you are beings but precious with your needing someone to plump cushions, hand nipple cream to you every 2 minutes. Make sure your partner leaves everything you need within reach before they go home. When your baby needs feeding buzz for help and the staff will pass them to you. You can change them and feed them on the bed then buzz for help to put them back in the cot. Even in the most short staffed wards they can manage that level of assistance.*

My thoughts exactly. It's not rocket science, nipple cream, drink etc goes on your little table, baby as close as possible to the bed (although I did need help getting DD out as had surgery after birth and couldn't twist). Men aren't patients, they shouldn't be in wards over night.

Hi OP. I was discharged after one night (and felt fine) so it is perfectly doable. However lots of ladies needed longer so maybe just wait and see how you feel, you don't want to be all geared up to go home if you really need to be staying in for longer.

When I was in after ds the dad or possibly birth partner genrally was the person allowed to stay .

I was single so no overnight help for me except for the lovely midwife who popped in a few times :) I'd say youl be fine but also its not weird or anything for your dp to be there I could hear plenty of partners around in the other cubicles

The day the NHS priorities men's feelings above women's postnatal care is the day I will pay to give birth privately. Sometimes it's ok to not pander to men you know

You know what horrifies me more on this thread then men being allowed to stay overnight is the martyrdom coming through. Everyone is different! Some women want DP's to stay, some don't. Some women want to go home asap some don't. Whatever your choice is ok! There isn't a right or wrong.

If the hospital has entirely single, private rooms then I don't have an issue with fathers staying if they wish.

I don't think it's in ANY way appropriate though on a standard ward. I was in a 4 bed unit with 3 other women with my last baby, luckily I could leave straight away almost as it was all very straightforward but there is no way I would want to be recovering from major surgery, getting to grips with breastfeeding or just going through the whole new mum thing with 3 strange men around. Just awful.

I don't think partners should be allowed to stay on the wards unless you have a private room.

I hate these multi-bed rooms with a passion. Curtains don't make them private. They just don't.