About partners on the ward after childbirth?

[hullabaloo234]

Booked in for ELCS for breech baby.

Just going through this week's post and find a letter from the hospital about what to do/not do prior to the op, what time to arrive etc.

At the back is a letter for my "support person", with a list of do's and don'ts for their stay on the ward with me after my section.

Sorry, WTF?! I love DP dearly but not a chance do I want him or more importantly a load of other blokes on the ward.

I was already going to discharge myself the following morning but was realistic about staying a bit longer if needed- bollocks to that I am definitely leaving as soon as my catheter is out and I can walk again!

Am I the only person who thinks this is really bloody unreasonable?!

The policy is not in place so that men can bond with baby and support their partner. It's utter rubbish. The policy is there to cover up lack of suitable staff

^this

Also - have you seen the threads about trans women using female toilets and the outcry that has on here? Where all you do is pull your pants down and have a poo/wee with a solid, locked door separating you. But people think it's ok to have men seeing and hearing you at your most vulnerable with a paper thin curtain (that might not even be closed) as protection. Huge double standards.

Thankfully, the hospital where I had DS2 recently changed back to not allowing men overnight on the curtained bay ward. They had done a trial of partners staying overnight on the postnatal ward, and the feedback was overwhelmingly that women felt vulnerable and unsafe. So glad they changed it back before I had DS2.

I had a EMCS and was up and about later that day, DS2 was in SCBU so I had to be mobile to see him. Had he been with me I would have been able to manage to deal with him, and it felt like there were enough staff to help if I needed it.

I have no problem with partners staying in individual rooms with en suite facilities like they have in some hospitals. It is totally inappropriate to have them on curtained bay wards. The answer to poor staffing levels on post natal wards is not to try and cover up the problem by allowing partners to stay overnight. It's no good for those without a partner or whose partner can't stay. It's also no good for women who would feel vulnerable/intimidated by men being around when they are asleep. The only person it would be good for is the woman whose partner can stay and is of some help. That's not good enough when there are so many negatives to it.

I had two emergency sections and I don't know if I possess the power of super healing or something but I never experienced the soreness or pain that is constantly mentioned when when people talk about c sections. I was actually fine. I think anyone I know who had a lot of stitches after a vaginal birth were a lot more uncomfortable. Anyway OP you might be absolutely fine and with a prescription for pain meds you would relax much better in your own home.

The hospital I had my kids in did not allow any visitors to stay overnight. I can see why some people would like to have the option but the bed spaces were so small as it was - I could have touched visitors at the next space. There was no way you could fit in a fold down bed or reclining chair.
I can't believe a PP saying there were no curtains - surely with all the checking of stitches etc you would need privacy from other patients never mind visitors.

It's pretty standard to be discharged after 24 hours, so you should be fine to go home (with your injections) if there are no complications. I can see both sides of this. There is definitely a staff shortage so it can be helpful to have someone there in the night to pass you the baby for feeding or change her/him, or help you up to go to the toilet and watch the baby while you're there. My DP went home halfway through the night as I wanted one of us to be rested, and for him to be safe driving us all home the next day!

However, I didn't feel completely comfortable walking around (nightdress, leaking boobs, shuffling around) with lots of men there. Plus it didn't encourage women to talk to each other, which is important; everyone closed their curtains.

It is so sad that women feel that they have to leave hospital care early because of this.

This is why I had the private room last time and will be again this time round

You're being a bit OTT... Unless the partners there are really creepy I doubt anyone is interested in anything else but his wife/partner and newborn.

I would have loved my DH overnight.

My DD had done a massive poo and no midwife in sight. I was out the bed walking with wires all over trying to change her...no one came until I'd almost done it myself and then asked why I didn't ring... I fucking did and was ignored!
I was struggling to breastfeed...and midwives weren't helpful.
I would have loved to have my DH there with me overnight...not just for bonding but with help.

One woman in my bay had her teenage son with her as her overnight companion. The midwife left my curtain open after helping me get both my twins latched on. Teenage boy seemed to feel the need to walk back and forth through the bay, looking at me each time he passed. In hindsight, I should have kicked up a massive fuss, but I was so shell shocked and exhausted I just didn't have the energy.

I agree it's a retrograde policy masquerading as progress.

However I would probably want my DH there in these circumstances. As an advocate really in an understaffed / overpopulated situation! - Rather like an arms race sadly.

Good questions from fran. How does it even work? I'd lose my mind if I had to shuffle into a clean hospital bathroom only to find a man had bloody pissed on the floor.

I agree that the maternity ward is a women's space. Fine for husbands / partners to visit. But stay overnight? No. Maybe it is because of lack of staff, I don't think it's ideal though.

Partners were allowed overnight for the first night at my local hospital, and most people on my ward took advantage of that. I was very glad to have my husband there and just had to get over hobbling to the loo, bloody and sore, in front of other people's husbands.

That's not a very good analogy clumsy. I don't know of any hospitals at all where dads and other family members aren't allowed to visit but during sensible visiting times.

It may be that you have to waddle to the bathroom bleeding all over the place in front of a whole load of visitors but at least there should be sometimes where you can be left in peace.

I gave up breastfeeding within a few days because I'm so self conscious about my body in front of people I don't know. Men should not be allowed to stay overnight if HCP want to encourage breastfeeding. My DC are adults now but I'm sad that things are even worse now than 20+ years ago.

Just dropping in, I understand ynbu but I believe after a c-section the baby must remain in the hospital for I believe 48 hours?
So whilst you could discharge yourself if you REALLY wanted to, you couldn't take baby home because they actually alert SS if all the routine tests haven't been performed before he/she leaves.
I understand where you're coming from (I didn't have c-section but was induced so had to remain in hospital for checks) and I tried discharging myself hours after I had DD because I don't like hospitals and was still high so felt pretty good and they said by all means I can but DD has to stay otherwise they have to inform suchabody from SS. I stayed. Defeated. X

"You're being a bit OTT... Unless the partners there are really creepy I doubt anyone is interested in anything else but his wife/partner and newborn."

It's not just about being worried about unknown men being around when you're vulnerable and trying to sleep. It's about privacy and dignity, if just for overnight.

I've had an EMCS and an ELCS.

With my EMCS I only stayed in 2 nights despite being in tremendous pain.

With my ELCS I only stayed in 1 night.

Someone mentioned upthread that if you push the buzzer the 'midwives will come and hand you the baby'. No. They won't. EVERY time someone buzzed at night the midwives would eventually stomp in and admonish us that we "should only press it if it's an emergency".

With my second I needed someone to pass me DD. I pushed the buzzer. No-one came. Pushed it again. Waited. No-one came. So i staggered out to the station in great pain, slopping lochia everywhere and found all the midwives round the desk having a jolly good chat and giggle.

When they saw me I said I needed someone to hold my baby and one of them said "why didn't you just leave it in the cot" to which i screamed that there is a notice on the wall saying NOT to do that. Thrust DD at one of them and told them to sort her out, pointed at mess i'd made and shouted that they could clear it up then went to cry in the bathroom for a while.

I left the next day.

I would have LOVED DH to be on the ward with me as the midwives seemed to treat new mums as an irritation but I appreciate that men on postnatal wards overnight is not appropriate.

Partners on wards is not the answer. Caring midwives are (and lots of them).

One man when I was in with DC4 shouted at other women for snoring, told them to shut their baby up, laughed at me for wetting myself - a huge long list.

Oh JustinBobby I'm so sorry that's awful this is the thing if ALL men were considerate and respectful of others I'd maybe be swayed, but some are such wankers. I was in a postnatal Ward after my waters leaked 6 weeks ago (nowhere else to put me!) and the man next door was so abusive to his wife who had a c-section, whinging at her for mentioning morphine ("are you some kind of smack head? Shut up about morphine you weirdo") and kicked off massively because her sister bought them a car seat - apparently this is saying he can't afford his own kids and having a sly dig at him. His OH had such a rough time of it. If he doesn't respect her he isn't respecting other women on the Ward.

The bloke who was with the woman in the next bed when I had DD (again there for the WHOLE 12 bloody hours) got my piss on his shoe as I forgot about my catherter and pulled it out trying to stand up for the first time in 2 days. I could have been on the world record book for the amount of piss that came out of me and it trickled under the curtain he muttered "for fucks sake" and I felt like shouting "this is a Ward for women who've given birth not a hotel, you hang about you put up with the gory shit and be glad it's not you!"

I'm a midwife and where I work partners can stay overnight. Women were surveyed and we went with the majority. However if a survey asks "would you like your partner to stay overnight" of course that's the answer you will get. If they'd asked "are you ok with random men you don't know spending the night in a very cramped 6 bedded bay" then I suspect the answer may have been different!

Some men are helpful to their partners. Some cause us more work. They buzz and when I arrive say "can you fetch some milk, can you pass the baby, can I have a cup of tea". They need buzzing in and out the ward for fag breaks all night. They talk and keep other women awake, they snore and keep other women awake, they moan loudly about other babies crying.

We do try and keep women who's partners aren't staying in the same bay where possible. Some women will says it's against their religion to be so close to strange men.

This will rage on and on.
It's lovely to have your dp there if you want but not at the expense of other women's feelings IMO.
I guess the ideal would be a ward which is designated for overnight partners so that everyone is happy but I'm aware that this is probably impossible to implement.
my initial response is that the person who has given birth should have priority and as people don't stay in long these days it shouldn't cause a major hardship.
I guess if you need to be in longer then there are probably circumstances which mean a dp should be there so a private ward should be offered.
Again ideally.

Meal times are the times you most need your partner if you actually want to eat something with your first - as you are unlikely to have developed the skill to eat anything one handed - and even more unlikely ro have sussed bfing one handed - mine always wanted to feed as soon as my food arrived.

Having seen DH through a fair few procedures recently as well as my childbirth experiences the only places you would want to be without your partner would be HDU or chemo wards. Otherwise staffing levels mean that even if you are writhing in total agony you wait forever for pain relief, water, assistance etc. Even with a mobile, coherent advocate and medicallt trained patient it's not great tbh.

Partners are generally

I have severe anxiety and couldn't stand the thought of a night away from DH, it was a horrible and terrifying night after a terrible EMCS. Thankfully my DH left around midnight I did leave the next day AMA because I couldn't stand the thought of another night in a ward and they refused to let my partner stay with me.

Can I also point out if my partner was female would you object to her being there? My DH had eyes for me and DD only. He didn't care about anyone else.

Is a private room an option?
I was in for 7 nights after my CSection and even then it was touch and go whether or not they were happy with my progress. Having DH there was hugely helpful for me as I had complications and twins in different places (NICU and SCBU) I was in TCU so all separated and I wanted him to flit between the twins so they had one of us there.
He didn't stay overnight as we have fur babies to look after too, but he would stay until 10/11pm and return about 7am.
Other women on my ward in transitional care did have partners stay over night. Curtains were drawn and everyone quiet from 11 I honestly wouldn't have known they were there.