Cleaner went through my purse and took money

[AquaAqua]

So to cut a long story short she didn't really steal from us but I still feel really uncomfortable about this. Cleaner comes on a friday morning and I normally leave her money on the table. On the one occasion I forgot in the past I took it round to her that evening. Today I forgot to leave it out when I had to go out for a meeting. I left my bag (by accident!) in my bedroom. When I got back there was a note on the table saying I hadn't left her money out but it was ok as she had taken the payment from my purse and hoped I didn't mind. Now firstly I am in the wrong because I should have left the money out but I feel really uncomfortable that she helped herself, and secondly we have the agreement that she doesn't do upstairs - so I wonder what she was doing even going through my bedroom. She has cleaned for us for quite a while and we have a really good relationship so I don't want to blow this out of proportion but I am not sure how to respond to this.... am I being silly that this is making me worry about trusting her or do I just leave it?

Yanbu sack her.

Definitely sack her!

Would she have been able to call you?

I can understand that she might desperately need the money immediately, but surely she could call to ask where the money is?

Just remember to leave the money out - she's done the work, she should be paid - and how come you went out to a meeting without your handbag and purse? Get yourself organised

Well can you address all this directly with her? Tell her you'd prefer her not to take money from your purse and reiterate that you don't want her going upstairs.

I think I'd have to sack her.

What if she hadn't found money in your room - would she have rooted through the house, or raided the kids piggy bank?

Breathtakingly cheeky and a breach of trust.

Of course alternatively you could ring the police

Not leaving money out for wok done when hats the agreement is also a breach of trust and Zo really? Goodness me, lucky there as the a child in the house, she might have sold it to raise the money.

there wasn't a child

I think it would be bad enough if you'd left your bag on the sofa, as it might have looked like you intended to pay and forgot. But to go upstairs and look around - what would she have done if your bag wasn't there?

Well Bourdic - I don't think it matters why I went to a meeting without my purse - I didn't particularly need it, I was meeting a client at their house to go over a project plan - so whether I'm organised or not in that respect isn't the point. I do agree I should have put it on the table but in the two years she has cleaned for us I have only ever forgotten once before and she could have phoned me. I still don't think tit justifies going through my purse... for me that is crossing a line.
Deadsouls - I don't particularly mind her going upstairs - I just don't see why she would need too, other than to look for my bag which seems a bit off.

I agree with those saying you should sack her - you were in the wrong to have forgotten to leave her money out (seriously, you can't do that - can't you just set up a DD or similar?) but her actions were much worse than yours. I wouldn't be able to trust her after this. When she saw that you hadn't left her payment the only reasonable actions would have been to either phone you or to leave without cleaning. Going outside of your established boundaries (basically trespass) and taking cash from your purse is not acceptable. Find a new cleaner and for goodness sake arrange a more reliable way of paying the next one.

Dead - sensible grown up post, unlike the others

You're both wrong really, you should have left the money out but equally, she shouldn't have gone into your purse. It is an odd thing to do, totally overstepping the mark.

Having a cleaner who doesn't go upstairs is a bit odd but besides the point I suppose. Good cleaners are hard to find, so I think if she does a good job and you generally trust her and don't want to lose her then I'd say "please don't do that again" and make sure you leave the money out in future.

Well I've always been lucky enough to work in nice middle class professional jobs and guess what, I never had to chase my employer to pay me. Funny that. You sound charming OP

Hmm. I'm a bit torn on this one.

Our cleaner has been with us for six years, and I wouldn't be that bothered about her getting the money out of my purse because I trust her. But if it was a new cleaner I might be a bit annoyed.

I don't think it's a police matter.

What if she desperately needed the money?

Does she have to go upstairs to use the loo?

You "stole"her labour, whether you meant to or not. Do you walk out of a shop with unpaid goods in your hand, intending to pay for them later? It's not so black and white who is right and who is wrong here IMO.

If you follow Mad's sensible advice, you could also apologise as well for being so thoughtless and disorganised

Even dh doesn't go in my bag.
Isn't it an unwritten rule to never go in anyone's handbag without prior permission?

Yanbu!!!

I have offered to set up a DD but she prefers cash.
Bourdic your posts sounds a little unhinged - I've only said I felt uncomfortable with her going through my purse, which was in my bag, which was in my bedroom.... I have said I was in the wrong to forget to leave the money out - however I have offered to do DD for her etc but she doesn't want to - so out of 104 weeks (approx!) I have remembered to leave the payment out 102 times but not on two occasions, one where I remedied it straight away and another where she helped herself. I've not suggested the police, or sacking her or anything else. Just said I feel uncomfortable with it...

Bourdic..chill out..you've made your opinion clear!!

Well no, she really shouldn't have been in your purse - but if she's done a good job up to now I think I'd forget about it and try to sort myself out so I didn't forget in future - it isn't really fair to her.

Then just apologise for not leaving the money out but tell her you're uncomfortable with her going into your bag for it?

Of course it's not a police matter ffs. What would she be charged with?