Cleaner went through my purse and took money

[AquaAqua]

So to cut a long story short she didn't really steal from us but I still feel really uncomfortable about this. Cleaner comes on a friday morning and I normally leave her money on the table. On the one occasion I forgot in the past I took it round to her that evening. Today I forgot to leave it out when I had to go out for a meeting. I left my bag (by accident!) in my bedroom. When I got back there was a note on the table saying I hadn't left her money out but it was ok as she had taken the payment from my purse and hoped I didn't mind. Now firstly I am in the wrong because I should have left the money out but I feel really uncomfortable that she helped herself, and secondly we have the agreement that she doesn't do upstairs - so I wonder what she was doing even going through my bedroom. She has cleaned for us for quite a while and we have a really good relationship so I don't want to blow this out of proportion but I am not sure how to respond to this.... am I being silly that this is making me worry about trusting her or do I just leave it?

[AquaAqua]

The first time I forgot I was in hospital with ds2.... I am not infallible and with two young children who don't sleep I can be a little forgetful at times. Judging by some/ most of these comments - I think I should probably find a cleaner who will take dd as it seems a bigger issue that I forgot to leave money out. As much as I try to remember I cannot absolutely guarantee I will never, ever forget again... hence why I would prefer dd.

[nicenewdusters]

I had a job that involved spending time in people's homes, often alone, there was a huge amount of trust. Lots of these people became my friends. I would never, ever, have taken the money from someone's purse. Even if I hadn't been left the money (I was paid in various ways - legitimate business) if there was cash lying around (which there often was) I wouldn't have dreamt of taking it. People did occasionally forget, it wasn't a big deal. Either paid twice the next time or dropped it around.

I don't think this incident suggests your cleaner has been doing anything wrong in the past. But, maybe through familiarity, she now feels able to go into your handbag. It's just unacceptable in any scenario, cleaner/friend/work colleague. For me it would change the boundaries, and unless she realised that I'm not sure I could continue employing her.

As for the OP bashing, totally uncalled for. And RTFF before suggesting dd/standing order - it's not an option here.

[Floggingmolly]

Would you have answered the phone if she had called you, op, given that you were in a meeting? She should never have had to leave your house without the cash. You forgot twice??
You could have left her without any cash for the weekend; it's not your place to judge how badly she needs the money, and it's fairly crap that you tried to justify forgetting to pay her by reasoning that she doesn't really "need" it.
She scrubbing other people's houses, of course she needs it

[Ilovehedgehogs]

Aqua you will have to keep on repeating that she refused dd at regular intervals I think.

[BurningBridges]

This is fabulous news. I'm self employed and sometimes my clients forget to pay me. But this doesn't matter now as rather than ask them if they wouldn't mind paying, I can go round their houses and take the money.

I mean I might have to look round a bit first, but that's another bonus surely. Sorted.

[brasty]

Honestly not leaving money out for someone who is on a low wage, and probably really needs the money when it was due, is not on. Would you be happy if your boss forgot to pay you?

[Floggingmolly]

How can you not guarantee you'll never forget again?? She doesn't forget to come and clean your house, does she?

[QuiteLikely5]

This is not acceptable by any standards. The trust has been damaged and she should not be looking around your house when she had no right to.

In your shoes I would find another cleaner.

I would be questioning her character after this and wouldn't be able to feel comfortable in the future knowing she was roaming around my home.

[Ldnmum2015]

Agree with 2dogs2kids, you don't know what her cashflow was like that day, she may be relying on the bus fare to get back home, or pay a bill before the evening, she may of even had to give up another booking to come to yours. I think if this is the second time you have forgotten, it sounds like she could wait to evening like last time. While I personally don't think it acceptable to go looking for cash, but she did leave a note, so fundamentally I don't think she was being intentionally dishonest, she prob really needed the cash that day. But where you take it from here I have no idea, you could try discussing, but relationships like this can turn sour really quickly, she also may not of felt comfortable with having to chase you.

[ThirstyNell]

My cleaner pays her rent in cash every Friday. She has an electricity card which she has to prepay. She is a single mum who supports her family. I have never not paid her, but I'm sure she would would rummage in our coin tray, or look on the microwave where I keep the petty cash, if she was going to be short. She doesn't clean my house for fun. She does it for subsistence. I trust her to be in my house, and take care of my possesions, and a friendly note from her saying she had sorted out payment would be entirely acceptable.
Most appalled respondents to this thread have NO understanding of what it's like to have NO buffer.
OP, show enough humanity to this woman, to understand. She may drive a car, etc., but she's still a cash in hand cleaner- she's skint.

[brasty]

I think she was wrong to go into your handbag, but I can understand if she was desperate her doing so. When I worked as a cleaner in peoples houses, there were times I needed the money that day to buy food for the evening. It is galling to clean houses off people who are much better off than you, and who "forget" to pay. Incredibly disrespectful. And unless you are earning minimum wage, others on this thread who are self employed probably do not understand this desperation.

[nicenewdusters]

It's not your place to judge how badly she needs the money

This cuts both ways. Just because somebody cleans for a living doesn't necessarily mean they're on skid row and don't have the bus fare home. If you go to work without the means to return home whose fault is that? Yes, you may have been relying on your money from that job. But what if there had been an emergency and the house was empty and locked and you weren't a key holder?

Responsibility cuts both ways.

[AquaAqua]

Floggingmolly - in my opinion that is a huge assumption about cleaners - my husband is a gardener does that mean we're scraping for money as he reduced to tidying other peoples houses. He would never help himself if a client forgot. I wasn't trying to justify forgetting, I was responding to all the comments about her not being able to get the bus home. I forgot once when ds was in hospital and once this time. Yes I would have answered the phone and she has phoned before to check things etc if I've not been home.

[Bumplovin]

Can't believe people are saying you can sbsolutely never forget something. We pay our cleaner by direct debit and I once forgot to leave a tenner for the bag of ironing she likes cash for. She just left the bag and a note saying could she come back tomorrow as we'd forgotten she certainly didn't root around the house for cash! Plus she texted me to point out the error and I apologised. It's oy Human to make a mistake sometimes. I also think not wanting cash could be tax avoidance if you pay for a regular service it's much better to pay Dd our cleaner actually insisted on this apart from the ironing money as we don't ask her to do that every time she comes so the amount varies

[jimthecat]

I've forgotten to pay my cleaner before. She phoned me and I went back home to pay her.
It's weird she didn't phone but she was probably worried about disturbing your meeting. It sounds like it's an error of judgement. She obviously didn't think she was doing anything wrong as she left you a note to tell you about it.
I'd tell her you were uncomfortable and make sure she understands. I wouldn't sack her for this, especially if you have a good relationship and are happy with her work.

[Want2bSupermum]

OP - I have 3 DC, work FT and I pay people on time because I make it a priority. Having kids doesn't stop you from going to the bank each month and taking out the cash you need to pay your cleaner each week they come.

You are very fortunate that you have not had to experience poverty. Just be thankful you are not relying on money coming in on time to meet your bills. Someone on a low wage won't have a buffer. Have some empathy.

[Bumplovin]

Sorry I meant not wanting a direct debit. Surely a direct debit just ensure s payment is received and avoids error

[GrandDesespoir]

I find it odd that she went ahead and took the money (unusual lack of boundaries) but clearly there was no deceit involved, so in that sense she's probably actually quite trustworthy. If everything is otherwise good with her cleaning and your relationship I'd probably let it go, especially since you slipped up too in this scenario.

[brasty]

She may want cash for a number of reasons, including not having a bank account. If you are poor, the few forms of identity you may have can make it difficult to open a bank account. Yes I know there are basic bank accounts anyone is supposed to be able to open. And I have heard of those wrongly turned down for one by the banks.

Sometimes mumsnet does show its well off demographic.

But talk to her OP. Things are much better sorted out by being talked about.

[TheLegendOfBeans]

FUCKING HELL THIS THREAD - Classic MN caught on a bad moment. It's a wonder there's not been a call for you to go to the scaffold.

Here's the crux: she should've called/texted first. She didn't and now it feels that - smiley note or not - she's breached your trust.

If it was me, I'd explain in a friendly manner that you are sorry for forgetting the cash and that you'll do what you can to ensure it never happens again but that she should've called you.

If your OP had said you got a missed call then she went and did this it'd be less bad; but this would make me feel uncomfortable and quite upset TBH.

[SporkLife]

I used to work as a cleaner and would of expected to be sacked if I was rooting around in someone's handbag. She could of texted or rang about the money, going into the hand bag is crossing too many boundaries I'd look for another one.

[DipsyLaLa22]

I have had a cleaner for 3 years and have once forgotten to leave money out. It's her choice to be paid in cash, I'd prefer direct debit. She texted me, I was mortified and took it round to her house on the way home from work. Mistakes happen. But, I would have been upset at her going through my purse.

And bourdic, despite having a nice middle class job, my employer has forgotten to pay me in the past. Funnily enough, I didn't throw my toys out of the pram, or get half as angry about it as you are with the OP

[Vanillagirl00]

I think I would have felt a bit taken aback in your situation- but to be honest, equally embarrassed that I hadn't left it out. And your 'wrong' came first. The problem wouldn't have arisen if you'd paid her in the first place, which I'm sure she's fairly frustrated has happened twice now, whether she prefers cash or DD isn't that relevant.

She sounds like a good cleaner overall who perhaps misjudged boundaries. But she was clearly needing the money which she had reasonably expected that day.

I'd mention it gently to her, apologise for not leaving the money out and would keep her on if she's otherwise been good at her job.

[FireSquirrel]

I'm really sorry I forgot to leave your money out. But I'm really not happy with you going to my bag-please don't do that again. If there's ever a problem just ring me. See you next Friday. Sorted.

This. She shouldn't have gone through your bag and I wouldn't be at all happy about it, but if this is the first time there's been an issue and she is otherwise reliable and trustworthy, I would put this down to an error of judgement and give her another chance.

[TheLegendOfBeans]

Definitely put a smiley at the end of the note though - seriously. Keeps things nice :)