Cleaner went through my purse and took money

[AquaAqua]

So to cut a long story short she didn't really steal from us but I still feel really uncomfortable about this. Cleaner comes on a friday morning and I normally leave her money on the table. On the one occasion I forgot in the past I took it round to her that evening. Today I forgot to leave it out when I had to go out for a meeting. I left my bag (by accident!) in my bedroom. When I got back there was a note on the table saying I hadn't left her money out but it was ok as she had taken the payment from my purse and hoped I didn't mind. Now firstly I am in the wrong because I should have left the money out but I feel really uncomfortable that she helped herself, and secondly we have the agreement that she doesn't do upstairs - so I wonder what she was doing even going through my bedroom. She has cleaned for us for quite a while and we have a really good relationship so I don't want to blow this out of proportion but I am not sure how to respond to this.... am I being silly that this is making me worry about trusting her or do I just leave it?

[Crispsheets]

How dare she go in your bag?
Sack her.

[StealthPolarBear]

And from her point of view the professional, assertive way to handle it would have been either not to clean, or to insist on the cash being dropped off later that day. Not to help herself.

[Itrynotto]

Surely the cleaner should have contacted the op before going into her bag? If I didn't get paid at work I would contact payroll not just take the money from the till.

[2kids2dogsnosense]

I think it was dreadful for her to go into your handbag - but it was equally bad for you not have left her money for her.

For all you know she might not have had enough cash even to get the bus to her next job, or to her home.

Speak to her about it and tell her that you were taken aback (and don't forget to apologise for not leaving her cash available. Ask if it would be easier for her if you had a monthly direct debit set up to put her pay directly into her bank account.

[eurochick]

I can't believe people are trying to justify the cleaner's actions. She massively crossed a line. What was she even doing upstairs?

[StealthPolarBear]

" Ask if it would be easier for her if you had a monthly direct debit set up to put her pay directly into her bank account."
Op has, cleaner said no.

This is becoming cancel the cheque all over again :o

[TiltedNewt]

I second that Bourdic is the cleaner.

I wouldn't want someone who would go through my bag to find my purse to take money out in my house again. Forgetting to leave the money out is an honest mistake that can be easily rectified, taking the money in this way is deliberate.

[Geretrude]

Maybe she didn't have the bus fare home again. A lot of cleaners - particularly ones who are paid in cash - live pretty much hand to mouth.

Obviously the cleaner feels like she has the sort of relationship where this is okay. She didn't take anything over and above what she was owed. Maybe she's not that bright and it didn't occur to her that it's a really bad thing to go into someone else's bag.

Good, reliable cleaners are pretty hard to find in my experience.

I'd rather have a cleaner that cleaned anyway, despite the fact that I hadn't actually left their money out than one that turned around and walked out of the door. Maybe the OP needs to think about what she'd prefer seeing as her memory is not all it should be.

I have a cleaner I pay through an agency. I pay her a lot more an hour than I expect the OP is paying for her cash in hand cleaner ...

[historyismything]

Wow! Some of the responses on here are laughable! You stole her cleaning services?
I do not and wouldn't ever have a cleaner but if I had trusted someone to come into my home and they, not only went up stairs when they shouldn't; but then went through my bag they would not be coming back into my house! What else has she been doing when you are not there?
Yes you should have been infallible and remembered the money but you made a human mistake!
Chat to her and she what she says but ultimately it comes down to trust.

[Ilovehedgehogs]

There are a few patronising assumptions about the cleaner. I am sure that she would want a proper and professional relationship. If OP wants to keep her, it would be best to pay through standing order, whatever the reason that payment in cash is wanted, it's not working.

[TataEs]

i would sack her.
you asked her not to clean upstairs so she had no need to be up there. so how did she know your bag was there unless she make a regular habit of having a nosey about.
she took it upon herself to go through your bag, into your purse and take money. she didn't call.
she doesn't want a standing order (how i paid my cleaner) which to me screams tax avoidance.

you should have left the money. if she wasn't happy to clean as u left no money she should have called and told u and left. not helped herself!

[Graphista]

I've worked in a variety of jobs, very occasionally pay has been late/short by mistake including st times when money was EXTREMELY tight for me.

If you worked in a shop and your pay was short/late what do you think would happen if you went into the till and helped yourself? Or as a better comparison for this situation the back office (where you had no reason to be) and helped yourself out of petty cash? You'd be sacked on the spot! And rightly so.

I couldn't trust her again

[Serialweightwatcher]

I think it's bad that she went through your purse - she could have left a note saying you'd forgotten to leave it and would you be able to drop it round ... it's not good that she decided to do that and thought it was okay ... not a clue how you would tackle it though because you don't want to ruin the relationship - sorry but I don't really know what to tell you for the best

[IllMetByMoonlight]

I'd be so mortified I'd forgotten to pay her and putting her in a really awkward situation, that I wouldn't have the audacity to pick her up on what I consider the much lesser bad of finding and taking what she was owed. I'd apologise.

[AChristmasCactus]

What if she forgot to clean your house, would that be an issue for you?

You've forgotten to pay her before and you sound pretty scatty. I can see why she did it, she might have a child to feed at home.

[AquaAqua]

For the record, and of course I don't know her personal circumstances but I don't think money is that desperate for her. I know she recently dropped a couple of her clients as she was cutting down hours. Secondly she drives so bus fare etc wasn't the issue. she is a good cleaner, I like her, she always says she enjoys, the job and this is the first time I have ever felt uncomfortable about anything with her. So I do wonder if geretrude is right and she felt this was ok - her note was very friendly with XX as the bottom and a smiley face suggesting she wasn't particularly annoyed. As I said earlier I will just talk with her.

[bunnyfuller]

Forgetting once is ok, twice, you're taking the piss. She probably needs that money to do her weekly shop. Yes, she shouldn't have done it, but you are being bloody rude 'forgetting'. You'll prob find she resigns soon anyway.

[JerryFerry]

Oh c'mon, settle down with the outrage and calls for sackings. How about some outrage on the cleaner's behalf, line massively crossed in not being paid. In the OP's mind it's all fine because she had a plan, but this had not being communicated to the cleaner. All she knew is that she had done the work and didn't appear to be getting paid. Now I personally would not have looked for the cash, but I am lucky not to have live a desperate hand to mouth lifestyle. Maybe she does, maybe she doesn't, but i think you need to let it go just as you let yourself go for forgetting to pay her.

[Want2bSupermum]

I have people working for our family in our home, doing housework and childcare. They are ALWAYS paid in full and on time. Every month I get the envelopes ready and the money is in there so I don't have to be rushing around trying to pay people.

If you had been more organized and paid her, she would not have gone into your purse/handbag to get the money out. I would not sack her but tell her she crossed a boundary by going upstairs and another boundary when she took the money from your purse.

My cleaner is struggling and if I don't pay her she can't make her rent. It is beyond important that she is paid on time and in full. It is called being a responsible employer. Open your eyes people and think about what is going on in other peoples lives. When you hire someone, they expect to get paid on time. To not do so is just unacceptable.

[TataEs]

ppl saying the OP is disorganised or her memory isn't what it should be are ridiculous. have none of you ever forgotten something?!

[AChristmasCactus]

have none of you ever forgotten something?!

No, I've never forgotten to pay for a service. If I could afford a cleaner I would show her some basic respect and pay her on time.

Do you often walk out of shops without paying?

[littletike]

I wouldn't be happy about this at all.

Firstly she had to go looking for your bag to find it and then to help herself is unforgivable in my book. Yes you forgot to leave the money out but if she's that hard up she could've checked before cleaning for you and called you - it doesn't justify her taking money out of your purse.

To those of you saying it's ok would it also be ok for a friend or relative to take money out of your purse that you owe them?

[Whatgives]

You made a mistake, what she did was intentional. She shouldnt have been upstairs in the first place never mind going through your bag. And for that reason I'd think I'd have to let her go. I couldn't trust her.

[Want2bSupermum]

Tata Yes I forgot to pay someone once and I apologized, stopped my work call, ran out to get the money needed to pay them and added $20 to the amount because I had kept them waiting meaning they were still on the clock plus missed their train. It never happened again.

[JustCallMeKate]

have none of you ever forgotten something?

Oh yes, I've forgotten plenty of things but never someone's wages. I can't believe anyone thinks that's acceptable.