Cleaner went through my purse and took money

[AquaAqua]

So to cut a long story short she didn't really steal from us but I still feel really uncomfortable about this. Cleaner comes on a friday morning and I normally leave her money on the table. On the one occasion I forgot in the past I took it round to her that evening. Today I forgot to leave it out when I had to go out for a meeting. I left my bag (by accident!) in my bedroom. When I got back there was a note on the table saying I hadn't left her money out but it was ok as she had taken the payment from my purse and hoped I didn't mind. Now firstly I am in the wrong because I should have left the money out but I feel really uncomfortable that she helped herself, and secondly we have the agreement that she doesn't do upstairs - so I wonder what she was doing even going through my bedroom. She has cleaned for us for quite a while and we have a really good relationship so I don't want to blow this out of proportion but I am not sure how to respond to this.... am I being silly that this is making me worry about trusting her or do I just leave it?

I would say find yourself a new cleaner. You have to trust a cleaner and she shouldn't go through your handbag like that.

You could explain to her how you know it was your mistake but cannot accept her helping herself like that. But frankly, I'm not sure how you can trust her after this.

Sack her,what a breach of trust.Its not even as if your purse was in view.She went out of her way too look for it.Makes me think she is not very trustworthy.

I'm a bit torn too. You didn't stick to your side of the bargain - that you pay her in cash when she does the work and she didn't stick to hers - not to go upstairs.

I'd imagine she feels as aggrieved at you 'forgetting' to leave her money out as you do her paying herself from your purse.

Why don't you let her go upstairs? That's a bit odd if you trust someone to be in the house on their own

Ooh - another what if one... Honestly! All I can think is that she must have desperately needed the money there and then. You should be ashamed of yourself OP to have put someone in that position

She may well be thinking that she is going to sack you off given she can't trust you to actually pay her.

Trust works both ways.

The attitude to cleaners on MN absolutely stinks (not you OP - some of the other posters).

"I'm really sorry I forgot to leave your money out. But I'm really not happy with you going to my bag-please don't do that again. If there's ever a problem just ring me. See you next Friday"

Sorted.

Seriously, people are justifying someone going through someone else's purse?
It is not unheard of for those in 'nice middle class' jobs to get paid late either.

The cleaner would have got her money in the evening. Are the responses because the OP has dared to employ someone else to do her cleaning?

Perhaps set up a standing order to her bank account via internet banking?

I would tell her it's unacceptable to go through your things. I would be deeply uncomfy about that. And re-iterate your agreement that she doesn't go upstairs. After all, good cleaners are like fairy dust IME.

I'm afraid I'd sack her: she should have phoned you. If she really needed the money today she could have asked you if there was cash anywhere that she could take, as you'd forgotten to leave it in the normal place.

It's very weird to go upstairs, into your bedroom, handbag and purse, and it's a clear breach of the trust you need to have in her to leave her in your home.

Bourdic you are very invested in this thread.Are you the cleaner?

Geretrude - we don't 'ban' her from upstairs- just all the cleaning she does is downstairs - she just doesn't clean upstairs and wouldn't have a reason to go up there. I'll have a chat to her - I would be much happier paying her by dd if I can and maybe we can re-discuss this to avoid future issues.

dust - and another one. A woman who's done the work and needs the money straightaway ( how unreasonable) is not trustworthy? How do you get there? I hate anyone going in my purse btw but i was a bit at the chorus of sack hers when OP was thoughtless and selfish and has done it before. Who's not trustworthy?

The cleaner has asked not to be paid through her bank account though.

I'd say "I'm so sorry I forgot to leave your money out but please don't go through my purse again, you're welcome to use the landline to ring me in the unlikely event it happens again and I will arrange to get the money to you as soon as possible.'

You both made a mistake, have a chat and move on.

Yanbu, why didn't she call first.
She's massively crossed the line, I would be wondering what else she's up to

dust - just caught it at a quiet time and was a bit at the early responses.

Just send a text as described above and remember to leave the money out. In all the years I've had a cleaner I haven't ever forgotten to leave the money out. Which isn't a sarky comment, but I run the payroll at work. Imagine if one day I forgot to do that...... it's the same concept OP.

She has cleaned for your for quite a while and you have a good relationship?

Bullshit. And you know it. Otherwise you would not have put up the title on this disgusting thread. She may well trust you, which is why she left the letter, but you certainly do not trust her. I hope she leaves you - though she probably needs the money. Pay the wage for goodness sake!

YABVU. How dare you not pay someone for the work they have done. Would you do this if it was a plumber/builder/carpenter/tiler?

Are you hoping to get paid for the meeting you went out to this morning?

Gertrude you saw that in the past the op has offered to set up a standing order but the cleaner prefers cash, right?

As you say she did not steal from you but simply took what was due to her. Steel yourself, have a sit down talk with her, apologise for not leaving her wage for collection, but say that you'd really prefer her not to go in your purse or bag again. Then make a point of always - perhaps set an alarm on your phone? - putting the money, in a kitty tin, maybe, in place the evening before. Then draw a line under it.

What Bertrand said - sorted. If you've had her for 2 years, you trust her, she does a good job, then she just crossed a boundary. As did you.

Move on.

I think the cleaner needs to do her part. If you want to ensure you're reliably paid the best way is dd.

Yeah I did see that Stealth. But the OP didn't leave out the cash, did she?

That was their arrangement and she didn't stick to it.

My dh is still owed money from a contract, should he try and hack into the company's bank account to get it? Or should he remind them and ask for it (again)?

Yes but if op knows she can forget she needs to tey and mitigate that. By, for example, suggesting a reliable alternative. Which she has done.