Cleaner went through my purse and took money

[AquaAqua]

So to cut a long story short she didn't really steal from us but I still feel really uncomfortable about this. Cleaner comes on a friday morning and I normally leave her money on the table. On the one occasion I forgot in the past I took it round to her that evening. Today I forgot to leave it out when I had to go out for a meeting. I left my bag (by accident!) in my bedroom. When I got back there was a note on the table saying I hadn't left her money out but it was ok as she had taken the payment from my purse and hoped I didn't mind. Now firstly I am in the wrong because I should have left the money out but I feel really uncomfortable that she helped herself, and secondly we have the agreement that she doesn't do upstairs - so I wonder what she was doing even going through my bedroom. She has cleaned for us for quite a while and we have a really good relationship so I don't want to blow this out of proportion but I am not sure how to respond to this.... am I being silly that this is making me worry about trusting her or do I just leave it?

Ldnmum could you explain what you meant by your comment, I did wonder if there was a man behind it!

OP, she was solely in the wrong not you.
Fact is, people out there work and get paid after, whether that is straight after or sending an invoice and being paid up to 2 weeks later.....what some people on here are forgetting is that unless it's illegal "cash in hand" work, then we all work and get paid later....I.E one week or one month in arrears!
So! Her being paid as soon as she finishes the job, is pretty good.
You missing a payment isn't going to send her into shit lets be honest!
There was absolutely no valid reason as to why she should have gone into your purse and taken the money for herself, she wasn't told it was there so effectively she snooped around to get it.
I'd be uncomfortable having her in my house in future

I am incredibly forgetful and disorganised, but there is no way in the world I would ever forget to leave money for someone doing work for me in my house, unless I knew her so well and had OK'ed it with her beforehand - eg phoning her to say that I had not managed to get to the cashpoint and so did she want to still come over and clean and collect the money later, or did she want to leave it for that week.

I think the fact that you've done it twice, is really bad and you should make a huge effort to show her enough respect to not do this.

However, of course she shouldn't have gone in your purse, that's just awful.

It looks like both of you need to have a little bit more respect for each other's boundaries.

I once an office job where, when my first pay check was due, it didn't come in. I dealt with this by contacting HR who sorted it out, not by going through anyone's personal belongings. Admittedly, I had savings so was not desperate for the money. I don't know the OP's cleaner's situation, she may have needed it that day, but I still think she should have at least attempted to contact the OP to ask for permission.

The assumptions about this cleaner are shocking, just because she is on a minimum wage does not mean she is on the poverty line! I have a similar minimum wage job and I would be cross thinking people thought that about me. The only reason I have this job is to fit in with my 3 DS, school and clubs. DH is on quite good money and so the money I earn is used to pay for our summer holidays and breaks away. I would be absolutely fuming if she went in my purse, it was a mistake!

Not sure how many times to reiterate - today I genuinely forgot - as the issue of 'twice' seems so major - the first time I WAS IN HOSPITAL with my SON and took it to her that evening!! So in two years I genuinely forgot once. I and her have sorted this - we are fine - I have been amazed by this thread but equally its been a fascinating and enlightening experience!

Bourdic you purposely on here to be argumentative. You live up to your. Are

*name

Aqua you are totally fine!

I am a self-employed consultant and when a client is late paying me I don't go around to their offices and steal the money when they aren't there.

IT sounds as though her handbag etiquette is different from yours. Some people really don't see it as particularly personal space. I do, and would ask DH to pass me my bag rather than getting things out of it. My friend isn't bothered at all and will tell me to get the keys out of her bag, if her hands are full.

But feel free to start a campaign or maybe produce a charity record for wretched cleaners everywhere

Who is this? They are hilarious.

OP, I feel angry and violated on your behalf. Geezus some the thickos on this thread- unbelievable.

Yes, you made a mistake and quite frankly you need to get yourself better organised. Put the payment downstairs the night before, so you don't forget. The cleaner should never have to go without apayment.

However, you have established boundaries that she is not to go upstairs and she has crossed that. She has gone into your bedroom ( your private sanctuary ) disrespecting your right for privacy and then going through your handbag and purse. What if you didn't forget your handbag and purse. Would she have gone through draws and god knows what else onna money hunt?

All for all these posters assuming she catches the bus and has no money for the bus - based on what? How do you know the cleaner doesn't have a car? How do you know the cleaner didn't come from or was going onto another cash in the hand job? You don't! You don't know that she didn't have money? That perhaps she lives locally and could have come back later to collect payment if that hard up.

The OP has no indication she left anything on her note suggesting she was in desperate need of that money right there and then.

Quite frankly, she might have just thought it was okay to go through the OP's handbag and purse because in her mind she wasn't stealing and therefore didn't see it as being wrong ( screaming of chavy behaviour).

It's your call OP. I might feel sorry for her and not fire her ( well at least not immediately) but then feel paranoid leaving her in the house alone as she has proven she doesn't respect boundaries.

She used bad judgment and made a mistake. You weren't being thoughtful and made a mistake. It sounds as if you think she is a good cleaner and you value her services. So I would just have an honest air-clearing conversation. I really doubt she would do the same thing again if you remind her of your boundaries and expectations - and if you remember to pay her in future.

I am torn between massive invasion of trust and desperation on her part to get what is owed and was probably expected, given your history!

I know I would be stuck if I went somewhere expecting to be paid and I was not. I would have to have the money or not be able to get home. My financial situation is that bad right now.

I think you have played it right with your text and as long as it doesn't happen again (on either side), you will get along quite nicely for a long time in the future.

Please understand her position though, I am sure she has already understood yours! She might have needed that money for bus fare or petrol home!

If you hadn't been paid for your job you would not have gone into your boss's office and taken money. You would talk to your boss about it.
I think it is out of order to go into your bag let alone go upstairs into your room.
I would talk to her and give her a formal warning of some kind like in any other job. At the end of the day she is your employee

Oh sorry, I skimmed the bit about the hospital.

So it's not twice. But tbh, I think once is too often. It's just a basic of good practice, like "good fences make good neighbours." Unless you have a specific relationship where people accept that there'll be occasions when the money isn't left or as in the hospital case, always, always pay on time.

The irony here is - if she had phoned me I probably would have 'oh no, my bag is next to my bed, purse is in there - help yourself!'

But thank you all - this is sorted now so I'm going to back out of this thread. Not flouncing, but sorted issue

LOL at LHReturns - fancy having to 'put yourself out enormously' to pay for a service. I hope your cleaner knows how lucky she is, even if you do only pay her when you can be bothered

She definitely shouldn't have gone through your purse. However, I think sacking her might be an over-reaction. Perhaps speak to her and tell her that her action wasn't acceptable, so if anything like this happens again you will have to let her go. She might go of her own accord.

Mantra, I meant the cleaners other half telling her to just take it, the cleaner was prob on the phone to him or he may of rang while she was at the house, as the fact she left a note shows she didn't feel confortable taking it. But to be honest am in two minds on this one.

Im a cleaner & would never dare take money out of their purse!
However it is extremely annoying when they forget and are out - i live hand to mouth and can't really wait till Monday i need to do my shopping when i get paid on Friday. Also its/awkward reminding them for the cash
If shes a good cleaner then just see it as you're equal - you should've left it out & she shouldn't have taken it.

cloudchasing.. I believe LHReturns meant getting cash out is inconvenient, not that 'paying for a service' is inconvenient.

I don't think you can really say anything when you were at fault and that fault was the cause of her actionscaused her actions

Actually cloudchasing producing £750 in cash once a month is extremely inconvenient. I don't know many people who would agree to pay that in cash.

She has worked for me for 8 years and I just paid for her to get braces back in her home country - so actually she is pretty bloody delighted with me.

This post cracks me up - everyone claims to be horrified at the very thought of forgetting to pay for a service yet in the real world it happens all the time! I am one such service provider and whilst most people pay by SO/DD, those that don't often need reminding a good few times to either make the bank transfer or hand over the cash.

Op I'd be horrified by someone looking for and then going through my bag massive breach of trust & id be having words.