AIBU to think this is a strange wedding invite?!

[palomapaloma]

Just got my eagerly awaited wedding invite from my first cousin who is getting married in a few months. She sent a group invite for my parents, me and my siblings (all adults) I assumed it included my husband and 2 children and my brothers long term partners. Messaged her just to check and she told me no it's only people named on the invite! Am I being off for feeling a bit put out? I'm now in a dilemma with what to do as hubby has the hump with not being invited! The wedding is about 40 miles away so if I go I'd have to stay over somewhere or not drink( not gonna happen!) I just feel quite disappointed because we grew up together, we are still close and shared a flat a few years back. I've been married for 6 years so it's not like I've got an on off bf that she barely knows. What's everyone's opinion and what would you do?

go or don't go - these are your choices

Not odd not to invite your kids, a bit strange not to invite your husband but as you have lots of family going it's not like you would be sitting alone. You either accept and go alone or don't go, there isn't anything else you can do.

She probably just can't afford to invite all the partners and children as well (or there is a venue limit on numbers), so I think what's she's done is very understandable. I didn't have any cousins at my wedding party, it was mainly friends and very close family.

You may enjoy just having the time with with your brothers for a change, otherwise don't go, or just drive there for the ceremony.

I'd go & enjoy your time with your family.

Your DH needs to get over himself

I wouldn't go if my DH wasn't invited. I think these things are traditionally partner things and would never have invited people without their partners to my wedding.

I just feel like she could have said months ago about limited numbers. I've been looking forward to it and planning kids outfits etc! Hubby is now moaning saying it's an expensive time of year and he doesn't want to know ( could have gone to evening with partners) maybe I'm just overthinking because rarely get to go somewhere posh!

You know, back in the twentieth century, it was routine to see people as individuals when it came to invitations, and it was wholly unexceptional for women, including married women and mothers, to have their own social lives.

I think it is a pity that this has been eroded.

Your cousin has invited the people she wants there. You are one of them. You can accept or decline as suits your wishes.

Like PP said, it's probably down to cost.

Go, have a blast!

I'd perhaps vaguely think it was a bit strange, then happily go to the wedding and have a good time. DH would be more than happy for me to go on my own. Because, you know, he doesn't own me. As they say round theses parts your DH needs to give his head a wobble.

I think these things are traditionally partner things and would never have invited people without their partners to my wedding."

Quite the opposite!

Unless you are newly weds (definition, less than a year) it has always been perfectly normal to invite the people you want, as individuals, irrespective of who they sleep with.

Some people prefer to invite couples, and it does seem that new-fangled usage is narrowing what is acceptable only towards couples only.

I think what she's done is okay. She has invited the people she is closer to. And you say your DH can go to the evening do so there's no argument really. He is being a bit of a tit about it.

A no children wedding would not be for me but I similarly understand why people do it.

If it was a brother or sister I could understand but a cousin is more of a distant relative, we invited aunties and uncles and three of DH closes cousins to the day do but there DP were there on the night do. Weddings are expensive to expect your cousin to accomadate 9 people is extremely expensive. If you were close as say you would go.

That's me guessing your brothers don't have DC

How often do you see your cousin? Is it that shes inviting family, but tbh she sees you all once a year, so can't afford for everyone to bring partners and kids, when there's people she sees more regularly shed like there? I'd happily go with family and leave kids with DH.

She (probably!h wants a quite intimate wedding with her immediate family. The people she celebrated Christmas with when she was little etc.

If your partner's name (or a +1) wasn't mentioned then that's that.

Plus, it's possible that she simply can't afford to invite partners, spouses, children etc.

YABVU. Unless she invited the partner of all other cousins....

She obviously can't afford to have partners and kids to the all-day event if it's 'somewhere posh' and couldn't even afford to do personal invitations. Having it 'somewhere posh' was more important to her. What were you supposed to do with your kids whilst you and your H were at the evening do and paying to stay the night there, too?

I'd decline.

I agree with AuntieStella. It's a shame that so many events have morphed into partner/kids-or-nothing types.

Sounds like you have a choice to make OP... and guess what? You're free to make it.

I understand both sides. She's invited your parents (as a couple) and their children (you and your siblings) she may be on a budget and you have presumed it was for your DH and kids. I understand you're annoyed but I don't think the bride to be had some anything wrong.

I'd go and enjoy a lovely day with your mum and dad, I bet they rarely get quality time with just you and your brothers. I think it's lovely

Forgot to mention that my hubby has Gulliem Barre syndrome which affects his Nervous system - on strong pain killers, sleeps very deeply and rarely has kids on his own! This is my main dilemma because I have only left the kids once with him overnight to go to a funeral up north. I'm just upset because I either miss my cousins wedding (who is an only child and we are close) or will go and stay over but be worrying about kids at home!

I think it's very odd and mean spirited to not invite the partners of adult family members.

Nowt you can do about it though!

But people will be offended and it will be remembered as THAT wedding where they snubbed a lot of people.

So presumably she had to decide between inviting 5 (uncle, aunt, you and your 2? brothers) or 10 if you include partners and children. Possibly more of you if you have nephews and neices. Those numbers mount up quickly.

Decline gracefully and tell her why, what you told us here.

It is a bit off, but not as off as not being invited at all because the other side of the engaged couple thinks your family are too "downmarket"! this happened to us - a close relative of my mum's told us all about their child's wedding and that we'd be invited - in the end, the only people invited were my mum and dad, and the close relative was mortified! But because close relative wasn't in charge of the guest list, the Other Side was, they were vetoing any one who they considered "non-U" - and Mum and Dad were barely acceptable! Close Relative held out for Mum and Dad but couldn't move them on us children (adult children) so there was much apologising all round.

I'd be pretty pissed off now to receive an invitation like that from a family member that excluded DH and the DC, unless it was someone that they'd never met. But under those circs, I'd probably decline the invitation anyway - if they've not met DH and the DC, then we wouldn't be that close any more.

Most unusual.

Well, your cousin knows all this and still decided not to invite your immediate family. So she's not as close to you as you feel to her, I guess.

I'd not go and distance myself. You may be an individual but you are also a family unit. I wonder if she will be the kind who will expect elaborate gifts marking her precious first born child's milestones, while forgetting to reciprocate with even a card for your older children.