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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to think this is a strange wedding invite?!

348 replies

palomapaloma · 29/10/2016 11:23

Just got my eagerly awaited wedding invite from my first cousin who is getting married in a few months. She sent a group invite for my parents, me and my siblings (all adults) I assumed it included my husband and 2 children and my brothers long term partners. Messaged her just to check and she told me no it's only people named on the invite! Am I being off for feeling a bit put out? I'm now in a dilemma with what to do as hubby has the hump with not being invited! The wedding is about 40 miles away so if I go I'd have to stay over somewhere or not drink( not gonna happen!) I just feel quite disappointed because we grew up together, we are still close and shared a flat a few years back. I've been married for 6 years so it's not like I've got an on off bf that she barely knows. What's everyone's opinion and what would you do?

OP posts:
ohtheholidays · 29/10/2016 11:59

I wouldn't go!If your that close OP surely she must know about your DH's condition so must realize how hard it would be for you all!

Don't go and the money you save on not going I'd spend on your family to do something nice together Smile

PotatoesareDashNice · 29/10/2016 11:59

I think it's strange. But I have never been invited to a cousins wedding, only the evening do.

AllotmentyPlenty · 29/10/2016 12:01

Would you PIL go and stay with your hubby and kids? That might ease your mind about his health.

NerrSnerr · 29/10/2016 12:03

Go or don't go. You have received the invitation and it's up to you. It's her choice who she invites.

RebootYourEngine · 29/10/2016 12:04

I must have missed the memo that said that as soon as you got married you couldnt go anywhere without your partner.

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeG0es · 29/10/2016 12:06

I think it's fine, I'd very happily go to a wedding like that. Presumably the alternative was to not invite you and your siblings at all. I don't understand the attitude that people who are married/in a LTR can't go to a wedding without their partner. If you can't leave your DH overnight then drive and come back, it really isn't the end of the world to not drink at a wedding. Is there anyone in his family who could help him out for the day?

BackforGood · 29/10/2016 12:08

I'd think it was a bit of a break with tradition, but I'd still go.

I would see it as a 'I realise numbers have to be limited and that is a way of including the people I grew up with that I might not otherwise be able to invite' rather than a snub to my dh, but then, I'm quite a positive person.

Can't see any need to stay overnight though. I can enjoy myself just fine without alcohol, or, could you not travel with your parents / siblings ?

WorraLiberty · 29/10/2016 12:09

How far away from you do your siblings live?

Could you share a taxi/minibus?

I know it's 40 miles but it could still work out cheaper than booking hotel rooms.

elliejjtiny · 29/10/2016 12:09

My cousin did this. My single and childless sister and cousin went and the rest of us politely declined. I invited all my cousins to my wedding but only 1 had a child and 3 had partners then so not a lot of extra people. There are loads more now so could get very expensive.

MillionToOneChances · 29/10/2016 12:13

It's only 40 miles, about an hour's drive - just go and drive home afterwards!

IhatchedaSnorlax · 29/10/2016 12:14

Sounds to me like you've been invited as 'family' rather than someone she's chosen to invite IYSWIM.

I don't think there's much you can do though other than go on your own or not go as presumably she knows about your DHs condition & still didn't invite him.

BakeOffBiscuits · 29/10/2016 12:15

I think it is odd not to invite spouses, but I think today anything goes.

Because of your DHs circumstances I wouldn't go.

Nanny0gg · 29/10/2016 12:17

If your cousin had just wanted a child-free wedding but had invited your husband you would need to find babysitters.

Is that not an option anyway?

Eevee77 · 29/10/2016 12:21

It think it's fine tbh. Your cousin has invited her aunt and uncle (couple) and their children (you and sibling/s). You have to stop someone. I think understand it's disappointing but if you say you're close then I'd still go.

Boysnme · 29/10/2016 12:24

I also think not inviting spouses is odd but perfectly acceptable to not invite kids. However it's not my wedding and she has chosen who she wants to invite for whatever reason. You either go or don't go. I would be declining in this situation.

NightWanderer · 29/10/2016 12:25

It sounds like it's going to be a small intimate wedding. 40 miles really isn't that far. I would go, but if you really don't think your husband can cope then don't go. I think you were wrong to assume kids would be invited. One of my cousins only invited my parents, my brother and I didn't get an invitation.

Jammiedodgers · 29/10/2016 12:26

40 miles, is about an hour? I'd go to the wedding and leave a little bit after the reception starts so you don't have to worry about the kids. I wouldn't be too worried. Just go and enjoy your cousins day Smile

LagunaBubbles · 29/10/2016 12:28

Of course OP can decline if she wants but yes it's odd than an adult partner isn't invited, it's a wedding, a family celebration of two people in love and two families coming together. Especially odd since you say you are close OP and lived together, I would be quite hurt but politely decline. And did all the people that say couples aren't joined at the hip, you can go without your partner - yea that all us very true but when it comes down to it I just wouldn't want to. My DH and I work very hard (as lots of people do) and when we have free time to socialise kind of like to do that together, that's why we are married because we enjoy each other's company.

ArcheryAnnie · 29/10/2016 12:31

it's not that weird - you are an individual as well as a member of a family. Your DH needs to get over himself, and all you need to do is decide if you want to go or not. (And you aren't going by yourself if your parents and siblings are going, too.)

wafflyversatile · 29/10/2016 12:32

Everyone has to draw the line somewhere on who to invite. This is where your cousin has drawn hers. It's not personal or an insult to your dh. It's just where she drew the line.

Either go and enjoy time with your family or say you can't make it for whatever reason.

Coffeethrowtrampbitch · 29/10/2016 12:34

Just decline politely.

You won't enjoy yourself if you have to worry about dh and the dc anyway, and you are hurt by their exclusion from the invite, regardless of the reason for it.

There is no point going if you are going to be worried or unhappy, so just send your best wishes and possibly a gift (or one fifth of a gift?), and forget about it.

QuintessentialShadow · 29/10/2016 12:36

Does your husband not have any family or friends that can come over and help "babysit" his kids while you go to the wedding?

I reckon your cousin thinks you need some time out on your own for once, and hoped that your dh would step up and find a way to let you enjoy yourself for once, if such large chunk of the child rearing fall on you.

BarbarianMum · 29/10/2016 12:36

Well don't go then. Or go and drive home after - 40 miles us not so far.

rawsienna · 29/10/2016 12:38

Who are these people to a wedding without their partners?
It's the height of rudeness. Especially if it's a longstanding relationship.

I admit I would hate if if my boyfriend had an invitation in which I was not included.
But to be fair to him, he would refuse to go.

rawsienna · 29/10/2016 12:38

Who are these people to invite people to a wedding without their partners?

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