AIBU to think this is a strange wedding invite?!

[palomapaloma]

Just got my eagerly awaited wedding invite from my first cousin who is getting married in a few months. She sent a group invite for my parents, me and my siblings (all adults) I assumed it included my husband and 2 children and my brothers long term partners. Messaged her just to check and she told me no it's only people named on the invite! Am I being off for feeling a bit put out? I'm now in a dilemma with what to do as hubby has the hump with not being invited! The wedding is about 40 miles away so if I go I'd have to stay over somewhere or not drink( not gonna happen!) I just feel quite disappointed because we grew up together, we are still close and shared a flat a few years back. I've been married for 6 years so it's not like I've got an on off bf that she barely knows. What's everyone's opinion and what would you do?

These wedding threads on here are weird. Particularly all the child free ones.

You get an invitation on the term the couple want and it is their wedding. They know what they want and waht they can afford.

Either you accept the invitation as is or, you dont.

But I dont get these threads where guests have a whole backstory they want to put to the couple and bend the rules. Imagine if every guest did it?

I think that's cheap, and would probably decline. Going 40 miles away on your own? That's too much to ask.

Perfectly fine to not invite partners - maybe they are limited on numbers. You don't have to be glued to each other permanently.

Going 40 miles away on your own? That's too much to ask.

40 miles

That is an hour drive or less.

It isnt 400 miles.

She's not on her own. She's with her family. Or is it only partners who count as family in MN land?

No of course you don't have to be "glued" together but equally there is nothing wrong with wanting to socialise, especially at wedding with your partner! So I wouldn't go. And as some people have said here it can affect future relationships. I totally agree that couples should have a list first of who they want to invite and then a venue, far too many people these days put the venue above people.

But then she can't drink.

I'd just decline and have a nice family day instead.

I understand childfree weddings, why people have them, but plenty of people truly have no childcare - nope, no 'friends and family' who can look after them and cannot afford babysitters.

I don't see the problem? Why can't you go on your own?

You dont have to drink.

'I don't see the problem? Why can't you go on your own?'

RTT. She'd have to stay overnight or not drink and she cannot leave her H overnight with the kids due to his health condition.

'You dont have to drink.'

No, but she wants to.

What QueenLiz said

She doesnt have to stay over night. It is 40 miles ffs.

Either she doesnt drink or one of her brothers or family members drops her home.

There is no way I'd miss a close family member's wedding to have a nice family day instead, I can do that any time. I don't see the problem with travelling 40 miles away on my own either. As for it affecting future relationships, to be honest if someone gets that easily offended they probably didn't put that much store on the friendship in the first place.

'Either she doesnt drink or one of her brothers or family members drops her home.'

Then they can't drink. Maybe they like to drink at weddings.

I personally think it's incredibly rude to not invite spouses and long-term partners. Children, no. The B&G get to pick if they want children at a wedding, not their guests.

Decline politely if you don't want to go without your spouse. And just send them a note of congratulations on their wedding.

Then they can't drink. Maybe they like to drink at weddings.

Tough.

Her need wanting for a drink doesnt trump the brides wishes. Some people are so selfish they wont have it any other way but their own and it isnt even her wedding, she had hers already.

If your cousin inquires about it, btw, I would be honest. Ask her how she would feel, once she's married, to have her husband excluded from such invitations in future ... events where you're celebrating lifetime partnerships!

Well heaven forfend anyone should be forced to spend an evening surrounded by close family without a drink in hand. OP decline and explain politely that you couldn't face it unless pissed.

I think it's very rude not to invite your DH although I can understand wanting a child free wedding to keep numbers down. I would politely decline the invitation.

Your cousin would have been better off to invite none of you except your parents rather than leave out partners. YANBU

It's unusual but wouldn't bother me at all TBH. Very difficult to know where to draw the line with invites and it sounds like she's gone with no partners.

I'd book a babysitter to help DH and spend the money on that rather than a hotel. 40 miles isn't that far if you have a car and can drive. Not the end of the world if you can't drink.

Or you could decline the reception, but go along to the service. This would mean that dh isn't left alone with the kids for too long.

'Tough.

Her need wanting for a drink doesnt trump the brides wishes.'

Tough? The OP just doesn't go then. It's not a court summons.

Personally I wouldn't go to this kind of thing without my husband, sorry. I understand about the cost, but to me you invite a couple as a couple.
We were short of money at our wedding due to us only having a 3 month engagement, but we sacrificed certain things we wanted at first- church, sit down meal, proper fancy reception, so we could invite the close family and friends we wanted there. We invited couples as couples, children were also invited, and adults who were single were given the option of a plus 1.

The OP just doesn't go then. It's not a court summons.

Quite.

I said early in my other post that either you go on the terms stated or you dont.

But starting a thread over it and whinging and saying I want I want for someone elses wedding is the norm on here.

just go or dont.

People are so selfish there are always thread on here about what they want and allowances made for other peoples weddings and imagine if every guest did it?