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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Leaving the baby

176 replies

KayTee87 · 20/10/2016 11:35

Aibu or am I being weird I suppose that I don't want to leave my 11 week old baby with anyone other than my husband yet?
I've had a few comments that make me think it's unusual that he's not been looked after by either of his Granny's yet. I don't feel the need for him to be with anyone except one of his parents and I will be back at work full time in 7 months so am enjoying my time with my son. Also I know I wouldn't enjoy being away from him. We visit grandparents with him so they get to see him maybe once a week anyway.

Can I ask when you left your baby to be looked after by someone other than its other parent?

OP posts:
DrunkenUnicorn · 20/10/2016 11:40

Nope!

Baby number 3 is 4months old. I've left him with dad two or three times in an afternoon to do a sporting activity with ds1 for an hour or two and that's enough for me. I hadn't left ds2 with anyone at this stage. I have no intention of leaving him with anyone else for a while yet and more than happy with the situation.

He's your baby, do whatever suits you!

Manumission · 20/10/2016 11:41

Not odd at all!

Rosae · 20/10/2016 11:42

My 'baby' is now nearly 16 months. She was one left with a friend for a couple of hours so I could go and resign. When I stay with my mum I'll leave her with her so I can have a nice soak in the bath but I'm always in the house. Tbh I've barely left her with her dad much. I certainly had never left her with anyone at 11 weeks.

Manumission · 20/10/2016 11:42

Mine were all walking before they were left with anyone else, all but one was over 2 yo.

DrunkenUnicorn · 20/10/2016 11:43

Oh I left ds2 with grandparents overnight for the first time when he was 9m for a night away with dh. I wasn't that keen tbh but went ahead with it... but in the end I woke up early (boobs were killing me despite pumping) and insisted we got the first train home as I wanted to go back to him.

DanielCraigsUnderpants · 20/10/2016 11:44

You're not being weird, what works for you and what works for someone else will be different.

I first left my little boy when he was a few months old, and with his grandmother to stay over when he was over 6 months I think. I i cant remember exactly when but i didn't find it traumatic because it felt like the right time. Only you can know when that is for you.

sarahmcmoid · 20/10/2016 11:45

I left my little girl (now 7months) for a few hours with my mother in law when she was maybe 5 months old &still felt anxious. Couldn't leave it any longer as breastfeeding & won't take a bottle! She stayed from 7pm-11pm with my Auntie at 6months old as had a family party &that was the 1st time I'd left her of an evening (only done once before to leave with husband)...YANBU ..if u don't feel comfortable then don't leave them..u will with time. Maybe if they wanted to mind him for an hour or so in the house whilst u had a nap or some 'you' time & they would feel they had some one on one time with him. Don't feel pressured though....they will have plenty of cuddles soon enough.

Confusednotcom · 20/10/2016 11:46

No you are not BU. PFB was at least a year before left with someone besides DH.

Sparklesilverglitter · 20/10/2016 11:47

I think it's important to leave the child with Dad as they need to bond too but anyone else is whenever you are ready.

Different things work for different people

My first baby is a few weeks old and we left her with mil for a few hours the other night while me and dh went to a tasting menu night at a local restaurant, it was lovely to get out on our own, it worked well for us

Bellaposey · 20/10/2016 11:48

Not unreasonable at all! My daughter is 20 weeks and I've left her with my husband for a day (hen do) and my mum for an hour. My MIL is on at me to leave DD with her but I see no reason to. If there was something I needed to do I would consider it but I see no reason to leave her just for the sake of it!

Oysterbabe · 20/10/2016 11:48

Yanbu. 9 month old DD has been left with grandparents for a couple of hours a few times but not before she was about 5 months. I won't be leaving her overnight any time soon.

tissuesosoft · 20/10/2016 11:49

My DD was 2 weeks old and DGPs looked after her for two nights but we were with her during the day from early morning until bed time. And again recently whilst DP and I went away for a few nights.
But it's down to what you feel comfortable with!

Eatthecake · 20/10/2016 11:49

It's whenever you and your DH feel ready to leave the child with someone else.

I do think important to leave the child alone with Dad though, that bond is important too.

For me I have always returned to work when my 4 DC were 3 months old and they've gone to nursery full time from then

Original poster
KayTee87 · 20/10/2016 11:51

I'm so glad this has confirmed how I feel. In our family circle there's a few babies and they have all been left with Granny's overnight by this age and for a few hours younger than this. That's obviously totally fine if baby's parents are happy with it but I really think I'd hate it! One of the Granny's doesn't mind and wouldn't ask but one of them was overheard complaining. I feel better about saying no now.

OP posts:
Manumission · 20/10/2016 11:53

Very glad we helped 🙂

As they say somewhere else " your baby, your rules Hun" 🙂

Tootsiepops · 20/10/2016 11:53

I left my 4 week old daughter with my mum for 90 mins last year to go and collect Christmas dinner from M&S. I cried in the car on the way, I cried all the way round the shop, all the way home, and carried on crying for 30 mins even after my mum gave her back to me.

I didn't leave her with anyone again until she was ten months old.

QuiteLikely5 · 20/10/2016 11:53

does is matter? What we do know is that babies benefit from any loving/nurturing relationship and sorry to burst your bubble but grannies are great at providing this.

So being all pfb is nothing to scream from the roof tops! Well imo anyway

HarleyQuinzel · 20/10/2016 11:54

Nope, I left my baby overnight when he was a month old and I still don't think you're weird.

Original poster
KayTee87 · 20/10/2016 11:55

My husband usually takes him out somewhere for a few hours at the weekend and does bath time with him which is nice Smileup until this week he also put him down to sleep but he seems to be having a bit of a phase where he'll cry when it's not me giving him his bedtime cuddle, I'm sure he will grow out of it though!

OP posts:
Manumission · 20/10/2016 11:57

Oh tootsie bless you Smile Flowers

Yes he'll grow out of that OP, it's just that you're primary carer. You sound like a good team.

Original poster
KayTee87 · 20/10/2016 11:57

does is matter? What we do know is that babies benefit from any loving/nurturing relationship and sorry to burst your bubble but grannies are great at providing this.
*
So being all pfb is nothing to scream from the roof tops! Well imo anyway*

I didn't say Granny's weren't great at this, I have a wonderful relationship with my gran although she wasn't involved in childcare when I was very little. I'm not sure why you're being aggressive? I was asking if I was strange that I didn't feel ready to leave my baby, I didn't ask if Granny's were good at childcare Hmm

OP posts:
Matchstickbox · 20/10/2016 11:59

Dd15m. Bf still.
Never left her with anyone but with her dad for an hour ish.
She'll be left for a few hours hectic Friday with my mum for first time.

Mil complains bitterly. It's Tough shit.
Don't feel bad at all.

Original poster
KayTee87 · 20/10/2016 11:59

tootsie the first time my husband took the baby for a walk when he was a few days old to try and let me sleep I cried until he was back. Tbf I think I spent most of the first two weeks crying at something lol!

OP posts:
Matchstickbox · 20/10/2016 12:00
  • next Friday. Oops
Cellardoor23 · 20/10/2016 12:01

My DS stayed over night with his grandparents when he was a couple of weeks old. At first it did make me quite anxious and I missed him a lot, but it was fine. He has stayed with them over night on a few occasions now.

I don't think it's weird to want to wait longer. Do whatever you feel comfortable with!

He still hasn't been on his own with my DP yet though and he's 5 months old.